Rant, rant, rant
Right off the bat; I feel like crap. Why? Because I spent a week mentally stressing over a birthday day cake I was asked to make for my cousin's surprise 40th birthday party which is being held this saturday on MY birthday. (That just added to my mental agony, since my aunt and uncle forgot my birthday AGAIN) Anyway, I was asked to give a price for the cake which I would not know until i made it and bought it the day of the party because the place the party is happening at charges 50 cents a person to serve a cake if it was being brought. I assured them it would be above 20 dollars (cake for 30 people comes to about 15 dollars in total, so no problem, right?) Then yesterday I'm being hassled to find out if I'm Thursday and Friday because they didn't want me to make the cake saturday in case i would end up coming to the party late. Turned out my only for-sure work day is saturday, and that just wouldn't do, so I was told to scrap it. Scrapped all my ideas for designs (the bane of it all)
You see, my aunt is the one planning the party and with her everything has to be perfect. She asked if I could make a nice cake for the party, nothing crappy, but nothing to elegant either. Basically I had to come up with ideas that were in the middle of the given criteria. With this particular aunt, sometimes no matter what she says about something you do, you end up feeling like it isn't good enough. Because everything has to be proper (she's constantly correcting the way I walk and my posture and continually telling me to smile when I have nothing to smile about, and critiquing about the dark rings under my eyes). So a week of mental stressing and shoving the feelings of depression over the fact that my birthday will be overshadowed to the back of my head, I was told to forget it. The relief snapped in, and all of today I felt extremely crappy because of it. Personally, I'm glad the stress is gone, but now it just leaves room for the sadness of not having my own birthday to myself. Its the one day I actually want people to pay attention to me. Sounds extremely selfish of me, but frankly I don't give a damn.
Been trying all day to feel better, but I've just mostly dozed off throughout the day and listened to music that suited my mood. So in other words; not doing too good in that department. When I call in to work tomorrow, hopefully they need me to come in on friday. The only thing I'm really looking forward to on saturday is that it's pay day. Hurray for me.
You see, my aunt is the one planning the party and with her everything has to be perfect. She asked if I could make a nice cake for the party, nothing crappy, but nothing to elegant either. Basically I had to come up with ideas that were in the middle of the given criteria. With this particular aunt, sometimes no matter what she says about something you do, you end up feeling like it isn't good enough. Because everything has to be proper (she's constantly correcting the way I walk and my posture and continually telling me to smile when I have nothing to smile about, and critiquing about the dark rings under my eyes). So a week of mental stressing and shoving the feelings of depression over the fact that my birthday will be overshadowed to the back of my head, I was told to forget it. The relief snapped in, and all of today I felt extremely crappy because of it. Personally, I'm glad the stress is gone, but now it just leaves room for the sadness of not having my own birthday to myself. Its the one day I actually want people to pay attention to me. Sounds extremely selfish of me, but frankly I don't give a damn.
Been trying all day to feel better, but I've just mostly dozed off throughout the day and listened to music that suited my mood. So in other words; not doing too good in that department. When I call in to work tomorrow, hopefully they need me to come in on friday. The only thing I'm really looking forward to on saturday is that it's pay day. Hurray for me.