I shake constantly
In the past week I have seriously thought about making the last 4 or 5 entries (covering about 8 months) public and letting Ashley and my family stumble into reading them.
I still don't have the guts.
After what happened on Saturday, I haven't really eaten an entire meal or stopped shaking.
Saturday...jesus. I felt about an inch tall. I called my mom after spending most of the day in the library cramming out a project to solidify plans for my dad's birthday the following weekend. I was basically told because I couldn't do it on Friday that they were going to celebrate and give him his gift (which I financially contributed to) without me. She then said she would call me back later that day, but never did. She was pist at me. What the fuck mom? Little snarky and impatient are we?
At this point I can't do it anymore. I was so sad and hurt all weekend and most of this week. This is kind of the straw that broke the red-headed step child's back. I realize now that I really have to say something and stand up for myself.
I either need kind and loving parents, or no parents at all. I'm as serious as gays are about Streisand right now. Aaron and I have discussed Fed-exing gifts and spending the day together, just the two of us. We would see his family in the morning of course. I feel like they are my biggest cheerleaders right now. I love my in-laws so much.
Bottom line is I need to do something. I need to step up and be brave for once. I cannot let them walk all over me with no apologies. But do I do it before or after the birthday celebration that has suddenly moved to my grandmothers and we're miraculously invited.
It will happen before Christmas. I can feel it just building up. I have my limits and I can be open and honest.
I still don't have the guts.
After what happened on Saturday, I haven't really eaten an entire meal or stopped shaking.
Saturday...jesus. I felt about an inch tall. I called my mom after spending most of the day in the library cramming out a project to solidify plans for my dad's birthday the following weekend. I was basically told because I couldn't do it on Friday that they were going to celebrate and give him his gift (which I financially contributed to) without me. She then said she would call me back later that day, but never did. She was pist at me. What the fuck mom? Little snarky and impatient are we?
At this point I can't do it anymore. I was so sad and hurt all weekend and most of this week. This is kind of the straw that broke the red-headed step child's back. I realize now that I really have to say something and stand up for myself.
I either need kind and loving parents, or no parents at all. I'm as serious as gays are about Streisand right now. Aaron and I have discussed Fed-exing gifts and spending the day together, just the two of us. We would see his family in the morning of course. I feel like they are my biggest cheerleaders right now. I love my in-laws so much.
Bottom line is I need to do something. I need to step up and be brave for once. I cannot let them walk all over me with no apologies. But do I do it before or after the birthday celebration that has suddenly moved to my grandmothers and we're miraculously invited.
It will happen before Christmas. I can feel it just building up. I have my limits and I can be open and honest.