The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: Part I

[das_mervin]

So. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner. It’s about time I start that up, right? Yes.

Comments

[chocolatepot]

Romantic interest. Meyer is INCAPABLE of writing a story that doesn’t feature a man upon which the main character can lean.

Well, that's not necessarily damning in and of itself - the fact that everything she writes strongly features a romance, I mean. I don't think I've ever come up with any story idea where the romance wasn't at least the B plot, but that doesn't mean that my heroines need people to lean on. Of course, she does end up going there, but anyway.

That preface is terrible. Get a blog, Meyer, and post about how great your writing is, but don't publish that sort of thing

[das_mervin]

I would have no problems with romance, either. Except they just LEAN. The man is always the most in control and in charge--and right here, that is more than clear. Diego is all calm and nice and a good influence on the wild and insane Bree. WARDO AND BELLA ALL OVER AGAIN.

No one stands up for humans because Meyer thinks humans suck. So why would she write about humanity at all if she hates it?

[carey_pontmercy]

That introduction does explain a lot.

[das_mervin]

Doesn't it just. *gags*

[a_lovesuicide]

*screams*

SHE RIPPED OFF HELLBOY! WHY? D:

By the way, I was going to read the novella before I read your sporking, but I couldn't even make it past the introduction.

Also, I noticed something about the cover: I love how the hourglass is being OMGSYMBOLIK, with less sand in the top than in the bottom. "Short second life", indeed.

[das_mervin]

Yep. Ripped off Hellboy. Appalling, isn't it?

Meyer's covers are so pretentious. Shame--if this was a better author, the covers might actually WORK. But they don't.

[shaolina]

Am I the only one that thinks that this is a lie? That Meyer wrote this because the movie is coming up and the makers wanted to pad the movie and are using Bree for that? I do remember reading something about them asking Meyer about Bree and Meyer handing this novella to the actress playing her. So Meyer wrote this, without really thinking about it, in accordance to what will happen in the movie, IMHO anyway

[das_mervin]

It would not surprise me to find out this stuff is a lie. She can't even keep her own timeline straight on how she wrote all of this stuff, so why should I believe she just got inspired randomly and wrote this? Pah.

I am keeping track of your predictions. :D You shall be surprised in the next section.

Because Meyer isn't a teenager, so she doesn't know how to write them.

YES. Why should I feel anything for Bree WHEN SHE OBVIOUSLY FEELS NOTHING FOR ME? Meyer so often forgets that her audience? THEY'RE HUMANS.

It would, but that wouldn't be Mormon. So none of that.

If Diego starts smacking his bitch up, I will throw my computer out the window. Just so you know.

And did you know she just keeps up with the netspeak? Only in worse ways?

Wait a second...

[shaolina]

Smile and surprised at my prediction... wait, am I getting my bad slash fic turned canon? XD Is that it? Dude, I was joking when I wrote that. XD Is the next part Riley calling Diego to his chambers to *ahem* train and Diego looking to eager to go? Meanwhile Bree wonders what they are doing that requires so much thumping. "Maybe Diego is playing the drums. Being a black guy he can only be into basketball or music." She then falls asleep thinking on Diego's cool sense of style and hip haircut. XD

If this turns into slash I'm going to add that Meyer's research included forum going and fanfiction.net.

[gehayi]

1) Diego will die at either the hands of the Cullens or the other newborns. When it happens, Bree will suffer from a Goddamn Hole™ immediately

[das_mervin]

One of your predictions might be true next section.

[cecamire]

Is that Susan in your avatar? XD