Graveyard Disturbance
My flat mates and I watched a delightful little Italian movie called "Graveyard Disturbance" last night. I picked it because the German title had zombie in it and I'm a huge fan of all things zombie. The title was "Zombie des Schreckens" meaning "Zombie of Horror", a tad redundant perhaps but whatever. I wasn't looking for a cinematic masterpiece but a ridiculous, campy gore fest and Italian zombie movies usually deliver just that.
Alas, earwax. There was no gore. In fact there was no blood involved at all, at least not on screen. Maybe one of the participants, I won't call them actors, got bitten by a mosquito during filming. And nobody died. What kind of zombie movie has nobody dying, you ask? I'll tell you. A very boring one.
The plot consists of a bunch of five shoplifting, rebellious and oh so edgy teenagers from the 80's running from the police and ending up in a dusty and creepy bar where the owner tells them that everyone that manages to spend a night in the crypt below the bar wins a huge price. Guess what happens next. Exactly. They end up running through the crypt chased by a bunch of zombies.
The set and makeup are not that bad by the way and remind me of "Army of Darkness" except that "Army of Darkness" is a classic and Ash the King of Awesome. Hail to the king, baby! In contrast the main characters of "Graveyard Disturbance" are so amazingly stupid that I suspect the zombies in the crypt are not the only brain dead running around. They seem to have the attention span of six year olds on crack, perfected pointing out the blindingly obvious to an art form and their dialogs could make Shakespeare weep enviously.
Guy whose name I can't remember calls his sister, Mickey, stupid. Quite possibly the only intelligent thing that leaves his mouth during the entire film. Said sister starts sulking.
Guy whose name I can't remember: What should I do?
Other chick named Tina: Go and apologize to her.
Guy whose name I can't remember: Are you sure?
Tina: Go and apologize.
Guy whose name I can't remember: *goes over to Mickey*
Mickey: What do you want?
Guy whose name I can't remember: I wanted to apologize to you.
Mickey: It's ok. *hugs*
And that is one of their more meaningful conversations. Seeing them die in some truly disgusting and horrible fashion would have saved the movie but they just wouldn't. :(
In summary, this so called movie fully deserved the rating it got on imdb not because it's a bad movie (it is, but I love bad movies) but because it is so utterly, mind numbingly boring and completely fails in the self-mock department. At least when you watch it alone. My flat mates and I facepalmed quite a bit but we amused ourselves for 90 minutes by snarking it to shreds in true MST3K fashion.
Alas, earwax. There was no gore. In fact there was no blood involved at all, at least not on screen. Maybe one of the participants, I won't call them actors, got bitten by a mosquito during filming. And nobody died. What kind of zombie movie has nobody dying, you ask? I'll tell you. A very boring one.
The plot consists of a bunch of five shoplifting, rebellious and oh so edgy teenagers from the 80's running from the police and ending up in a dusty and creepy bar where the owner tells them that everyone that manages to spend a night in the crypt below the bar wins a huge price. Guess what happens next. Exactly. They end up running through the crypt chased by a bunch of zombies.
The set and makeup are not that bad by the way and remind me of "Army of Darkness" except that "Army of Darkness" is a classic and Ash the King of Awesome. Hail to the king, baby! In contrast the main characters of "Graveyard Disturbance" are so amazingly stupid that I suspect the zombies in the crypt are not the only brain dead running around. They seem to have the attention span of six year olds on crack, perfected pointing out the blindingly obvious to an art form and their dialogs could make Shakespeare weep enviously.
Guy whose name I can't remember calls his sister, Mickey, stupid. Quite possibly the only intelligent thing that leaves his mouth during the entire film. Said sister starts sulking.
Guy whose name I can't remember: What should I do?
Other chick named Tina: Go and apologize to her.
Guy whose name I can't remember: Are you sure?
Tina: Go and apologize.
Guy whose name I can't remember: *goes over to Mickey*
Mickey: What do you want?
Guy whose name I can't remember: I wanted to apologize to you.
Mickey: It's ok. *hugs*
And that is one of their more meaningful conversations. Seeing them die in some truly disgusting and horrible fashion would have saved the movie but they just wouldn't. :(
In summary, this so called movie fully deserved the rating it got on imdb not because it's a bad movie (it is, but I love bad movies) but because it is so utterly, mind numbingly boring and completely fails in the self-mock department. At least when you watch it alone. My flat mates and I facepalmed quite a bit but we amused ourselves for 90 minutes by snarking it to shreds in true MST3K fashion.