(no subject)
I've noticed recently I have become increasingly frustrated. I don't really know what happened to trigger it, but I have been pushing people out of my life and have been really hard on myself. Maybe it was Matt & Natalie's wedding and the realization that I am 21 years old and have yet to bring someone home to meet my family. Then I look at my life and my body and I just want to curl up into a ball when I think of spending the rest of my life alone. I want to get married and have kids one day, but the older I get the more it seems so far fetched for me. Yea yea I'm only 21-- but since there no potentials in my range as of right now things look pretty despicable. Maybe it was my trip home. Going home is always bittersweet. Every time I come back to Florida I always feel so guilty about something or that I'm not doing anything right in my life. I just feel really anxious and heated all of the time. Like I could fight with anyone at any second. I hate it. I've also been only able to see out of one eye for the past couple of days because my contacts are fucked up and I'm waiting for my shipment of new ones. UGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Over the course of the past week, I've submitted an application to 3 hospitals praying that someone will hire me. I am so over serving in every way possible. I've put in my year there and needless to say I'm just over it. Especially with the fact that the restaurant is currently running off of one half ass air conditioner. Let's just say the average temp in the dining room has been 90 and about 115 in the kitchen by the end of the night. Which leads to no customers and no customers = no tips. Saturday night I made $50. On a SATURDAY. And this is nothing new. See where I'm going with this? I really need a new job/ to get out of the service industry.
To try to make myself feel better and optimistic, last night I went swimming in the Atlantic. It was so nice and peaceful and quiet. That's the best time of day to go. I found it was the only part of my day that had my head filled with other thoughts than feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could do it again tonight, but of course I'll be in hell (CaddyShack) sweating bullets.
So now I'm just at a period of waiting. Waiting to hear from hospitals. Waiting to hear from FCCJ about my application into the nursing program and hoping that I'm accepted. Waiting for new contacts. Waiting for CaddyShack to fix the flippin AC unit. Waiting for my dad to send me another nasty e-mail about my life because I haven't replied or spoken to him since the previous one. I'm growing more and more frustrated and impatient.
And reading over this I'm a lame pity party. Sorry to put a downer on your friends pages.
Over the course of the past week, I've submitted an application to 3 hospitals praying that someone will hire me. I am so over serving in every way possible. I've put in my year there and needless to say I'm just over it. Especially with the fact that the restaurant is currently running off of one half ass air conditioner. Let's just say the average temp in the dining room has been 90 and about 115 in the kitchen by the end of the night. Which leads to no customers and no customers = no tips. Saturday night I made $50. On a SATURDAY. And this is nothing new. See where I'm going with this? I really need a new job/ to get out of the service industry.
To try to make myself feel better and optimistic, last night I went swimming in the Atlantic. It was so nice and peaceful and quiet. That's the best time of day to go. I found it was the only part of my day that had my head filled with other thoughts than feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could do it again tonight, but of course I'll be in hell (CaddyShack) sweating bullets.
So now I'm just at a period of waiting. Waiting to hear from hospitals. Waiting to hear from FCCJ about my application into the nursing program and hoping that I'm accepted. Waiting for new contacts. Waiting for CaddyShack to fix the flippin AC unit. Waiting for my dad to send me another nasty e-mail about my life because I haven't replied or spoken to him since the previous one. I'm growing more and more frustrated and impatient.
And reading over this I'm a lame pity party. Sorry to put a downer on your friends pages.