crawling from the wreckage
I'm back, mostly. Actually, I've been mostly back for a few days, just brain-dead.
So, the last couple weeks. It all started, really, on Wed. 4/28. Matt's mom had a cardiologist appointment that day, which, naturally, she went to--she wasn't going to give up her routine. The cardiologist told her she should be in the hospital. She said she didn't want to go there. (Yay her.) So the doctor sat down with her and had a chat about hospice, and after that appointment, S, one of her caregivers, called Matt and told him what had happened. He apparently completely lost it on the phone, and who can blame him, but he then called his brothers and told them they should probably get here ASAP.
(Did I mention that she had a live-in caregiver since her last hospital stay? That one is M. S is actually my hair stylists shampooer; on her days off, she's been driving Matt's mom around and generally helping her out. They became very, very close very quickly, which is very unusual for my m-i-l, but we're all glad that it happened.)
Matt's youngest brother and his wife (P and T, for future reference) had been planning to fly out at the weekend, but they changed their plans and came out that night. It turned out not to be strictly necessary, but it was nice--MIL was feeling pretty good on Thursday, so they got to spend some time with her when she was reasonably alert and cheerful. Matt and P both had some good, necessary conversations with her. I wasn't around all that much--there were other people who were closer to her than I was, and I was mostly dealing with all the practical stuff involved in keeping everything going and generally trying to help Matt not have a nervous breakdown. But she had a lot of company, and that was good.
Friday wasn't quite as good, but Saturday she was doing OK, and at that point there was actually talk of P and T going home on Monday. Matt was on the phone a lot with his other brother, H, who's a doctor. H was basically trying to get there in time but not too early--he had just seen his mom a couple weeks earlier, and rearranging his schedule was going to be a bear. He finally decided on Saturday evening that he'd leave late Sunday morning and drive straight through to Chicago.
Sunday was when things obviously took a turn. She was awake and chatting Sunday morning, but by noon she was pretty unresponsive. By the time I saw her she was obviously aware of what was going on, but just barely, and she was dozing a lot. Matt and I had theater tickets that afternoon, and we decided to go--it looked like she was stable, and we figured we could use a break. So we did that, and when we got back, it was clear that the end was in sight. Also, at some point in there she became unable to swallow pills, which meant that something bad was going to happen--she was on way too many medicines to be able to stop taking them with no consequences. That evening Matt called the hospice people, and they sent over a nurse around 10:30pm. H arrived not long after that, and she definitely knew he was there, although she wasn't talking.
Around 1 a.m. I went home to get some sleep, and P and T followed shortly after. I got the air mattress set up for H, but he didn't come home--he and Matt stayed at the apartment. The next morning I had a meeting for the non-profit I'm treasurer of--unfortunately, it was about our 2009 audit, so I really needed to be there. At about 9:40 Matt called and told me she'd died. H was the only person in the room with her, and I'm sure that was her choice. She was a very dignified, private person, and I'm not surprised that she preferred to slip away quietly. H said it was a very quiet, peaceful death.
Hospice ended up not doing much for her (except providing liquid morphine, which helped), but it was nice to have them on hand Monday morning. They helped us through the mechanics of dealing with everything--notifying the apartment complex, and the doctors, and the funeral home. It was nice to have everything more or less handled.
After that there was crying, and napping, and talk about the schedule--we decided to have the visitation on Thursday and the funeral on Friday, to give people time to get in from out of town. I was mostly staying out of it and concentrating on keeping the house running and trying to get some work done, since I knew the end of the week would be impossible. The next few days were a blur.
(At some point I did end up hiring a cleaning service to come in, because I hadn't had time to keep up with it. Wow, I wish I could afford that all the time. We might have to see if we can work it out, even once or twice a month.)
One of our nephews, with his wife, drove up on Tuesday. They ended up staying at Matt's mom's old condo, which was unfurnished but had heat and water. On Wednesday H's wife L, her mom, and two more of their sons drove up; they got here in time for dinner. Which I cooked. For 11 people. Whee. P and T ended up moving to a hotel so L's mom could have a bed--she's 89 and shouldn't have to put up with an air mattress. We ended up with three people sleeping here, four in the condo, plus P and T. It was completely insane.
We got through the rest of the week, somehow. There was a bit of family drama involving one of Matt's cousins and her father; L and I were seriously honked off at them for dragging their issues into something that shouldn't have been about them. They're a seriously messed up family, unfortunately, and I'm very, very grateful that Matt's immediate family gets along so well. Nephew #1 and his wife left on Saturday; everyone else stayed until Sunday, but by noon on Sunday the house was blissfully empty... except for the laundry. Do you have any idea how much bedding and towels seven extra people produce? Our brand-new washer definitely got a workout yesterday.
Sunday evening we went out to dinner with a couple friends, which was heaven. We needed some serious decompression time.
And now I'm trying to get my head back into real life. Yesterday was rough--I managed to get some work done, but it took way longer than usual. I've still got some errands to run today, and it's already 2:00. Hopefully things will start settling down soon.
In other news, before everyone got here, we bought one of those single-cup coffee machines. Turned out to be the best thing ever--way easier than trying to keep a pot going, especially when people would have been arguing about decaf v. regular. I've been using it to heat water for tea--it works great.
And I should have other things to talk about, but I'm still mostly brain-dead. Will be coming back on-line this week, I'm sure. It's been exhausting, though.
So, the last couple weeks. It all started, really, on Wed. 4/28. Matt's mom had a cardiologist appointment that day, which, naturally, she went to--she wasn't going to give up her routine. The cardiologist told her she should be in the hospital. She said she didn't want to go there. (Yay her.) So the doctor sat down with her and had a chat about hospice, and after that appointment, S, one of her caregivers, called Matt and told him what had happened. He apparently completely lost it on the phone, and who can blame him, but he then called his brothers and told them they should probably get here ASAP.
(Did I mention that she had a live-in caregiver since her last hospital stay? That one is M. S is actually my hair stylists shampooer; on her days off, she's been driving Matt's mom around and generally helping her out. They became very, very close very quickly, which is very unusual for my m-i-l, but we're all glad that it happened.)
Matt's youngest brother and his wife (P and T, for future reference) had been planning to fly out at the weekend, but they changed their plans and came out that night. It turned out not to be strictly necessary, but it was nice--MIL was feeling pretty good on Thursday, so they got to spend some time with her when she was reasonably alert and cheerful. Matt and P both had some good, necessary conversations with her. I wasn't around all that much--there were other people who were closer to her than I was, and I was mostly dealing with all the practical stuff involved in keeping everything going and generally trying to help Matt not have a nervous breakdown. But she had a lot of company, and that was good.
Friday wasn't quite as good, but Saturday she was doing OK, and at that point there was actually talk of P and T going home on Monday. Matt was on the phone a lot with his other brother, H, who's a doctor. H was basically trying to get there in time but not too early--he had just seen his mom a couple weeks earlier, and rearranging his schedule was going to be a bear. He finally decided on Saturday evening that he'd leave late Sunday morning and drive straight through to Chicago.
Sunday was when things obviously took a turn. She was awake and chatting Sunday morning, but by noon she was pretty unresponsive. By the time I saw her she was obviously aware of what was going on, but just barely, and she was dozing a lot. Matt and I had theater tickets that afternoon, and we decided to go--it looked like she was stable, and we figured we could use a break. So we did that, and when we got back, it was clear that the end was in sight. Also, at some point in there she became unable to swallow pills, which meant that something bad was going to happen--she was on way too many medicines to be able to stop taking them with no consequences. That evening Matt called the hospice people, and they sent over a nurse around 10:30pm. H arrived not long after that, and she definitely knew he was there, although she wasn't talking.
Around 1 a.m. I went home to get some sleep, and P and T followed shortly after. I got the air mattress set up for H, but he didn't come home--he and Matt stayed at the apartment. The next morning I had a meeting for the non-profit I'm treasurer of--unfortunately, it was about our 2009 audit, so I really needed to be there. At about 9:40 Matt called and told me she'd died. H was the only person in the room with her, and I'm sure that was her choice. She was a very dignified, private person, and I'm not surprised that she preferred to slip away quietly. H said it was a very quiet, peaceful death.
Hospice ended up not doing much for her (except providing liquid morphine, which helped), but it was nice to have them on hand Monday morning. They helped us through the mechanics of dealing with everything--notifying the apartment complex, and the doctors, and the funeral home. It was nice to have everything more or less handled.
After that there was crying, and napping, and talk about the schedule--we decided to have the visitation on Thursday and the funeral on Friday, to give people time to get in from out of town. I was mostly staying out of it and concentrating on keeping the house running and trying to get some work done, since I knew the end of the week would be impossible. The next few days were a blur.
(At some point I did end up hiring a cleaning service to come in, because I hadn't had time to keep up with it. Wow, I wish I could afford that all the time. We might have to see if we can work it out, even once or twice a month.)
One of our nephews, with his wife, drove up on Tuesday. They ended up staying at Matt's mom's old condo, which was unfurnished but had heat and water. On Wednesday H's wife L, her mom, and two more of their sons drove up; they got here in time for dinner. Which I cooked. For 11 people. Whee. P and T ended up moving to a hotel so L's mom could have a bed--she's 89 and shouldn't have to put up with an air mattress. We ended up with three people sleeping here, four in the condo, plus P and T. It was completely insane.
We got through the rest of the week, somehow. There was a bit of family drama involving one of Matt's cousins and her father; L and I were seriously honked off at them for dragging their issues into something that shouldn't have been about them. They're a seriously messed up family, unfortunately, and I'm very, very grateful that Matt's immediate family gets along so well. Nephew #1 and his wife left on Saturday; everyone else stayed until Sunday, but by noon on Sunday the house was blissfully empty... except for the laundry. Do you have any idea how much bedding and towels seven extra people produce? Our brand-new washer definitely got a workout yesterday.
Sunday evening we went out to dinner with a couple friends, which was heaven. We needed some serious decompression time.
And now I'm trying to get my head back into real life. Yesterday was rough--I managed to get some work done, but it took way longer than usual. I've still got some errands to run today, and it's already 2:00. Hopefully things will start settling down soon.
In other news, before everyone got here, we bought one of those single-cup coffee machines. Turned out to be the best thing ever--way easier than trying to keep a pot going, especially when people would have been arguing about decaf v. regular. I've been using it to heat water for tea--it works great.
And I should have other things to talk about, but I'm still mostly brain-dead. Will be coming back on-line this week, I'm sure. It's been exhausting, though.