(no subject)
I don't get it, but sometimes when I'm at home, usually when I'm alone but not necessarily, I'll feel really lonely all of a sudden and this feeling that can only be described as despair comes over me. I wish it would go away, i'm tired of putting up with this shit. Sometimes it's not even a feeling of depression but a lack of any feeling at all... Part of me wants to call some of my friends when this happens but I'm too afraid of how I'd sound to them if I did, afraid I'd come off as sounding totally crazy or just weird or both, plus I really wouldn't know what to say
I keep having really fucked up thoughts that I can't seem to get out of my head and it's kinda scary some of the things I think of. Which makes me tell myself how much of a worthless piece of shit I am, which in turn makes the thoughts worse/stay longer, it's just a stupid cycle
I guess I also wish I'd hear from some people but hardly ever do, I'm tired of putting forth all the effort with people. But if I don't, then what do I have left at all?
In other news I saw my grandma today in Monroe which is good cause she's not doing well, my grandpa, her husband, died a short while ago. My parents have been gone all week but it's still sucked cause I've had nothing to do other then take care of the stupid dog while they're gone since my brother and sister refuse to do anything around the house other than put their shit everywhere
I keep having really fucked up thoughts that I can't seem to get out of my head and it's kinda scary some of the things I think of. Which makes me tell myself how much of a worthless piece of shit I am, which in turn makes the thoughts worse/stay longer, it's just a stupid cycle
I guess I also wish I'd hear from some people but hardly ever do, I'm tired of putting forth all the effort with people. But if I don't, then what do I have left at all?
In other news I saw my grandma today in Monroe which is good cause she's not doing well, my grandpa, her husband, died a short while ago. My parents have been gone all week but it's still sucked cause I've had nothing to do other then take care of the stupid dog while they're gone since my brother and sister refuse to do anything around the house other than put their shit everywhere