Day One
(Yes, my subscription has run out, I'm down to a handful of icons until I renew. Which I will do on the next paycheck, because I like my icons. But in the meantime, my tea icon will have to be my "this is me" icon. Because TEA.)
I went to bed an hour early yesterday, because I was tired and because the doctor had firm things to say about the fact the Adderall can cause insomnia and PLZ DO NOT ENCOURAGE IT, U ALREADY DON'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP. So... got to sleep at 11:30, woke up at 5:20, that's 5:20 hours of sleep, a step up from my usual 4ish. I know from experience what a little extra sleep feels like, though, and there is just basically never enough of it. =P
Still, it makes getting up easier, so get up, take pills, take shower, go make lunch, leave for work. Now, normally, I'm a walking zombie all through the commute, sleep like a dead thing on the train, and then zombie lurch my way into work, grab a cup of coffee, and huddle at my desk surfing the internet for anywhere from 30 min to 1 hour while the coffee kicks in, until I can focus enough to actually look at my work queue. (unless something is urgently due before noon - that I'll kick myself into operational for).
Today... I napped on the train, but it was more by habit and to conserve body warmth than anything else (cold has always made me sluggish, and it was cold and my hair was still damp, so I huddled up and went torpid). But I wasn't really ASLEEP, I was still awake enough to hear my music playing and know when we hit each stop. Get to work, grab coffee because that's what I do and I'm running on autopilot... and then laminate two large sign jobs, cut all the signs down, both my job and my boss' job, finish before my coffee even gets cold, sit down, check work email, reply to several emails, and then finish my coffee and breakfast scone. And now I'm writing this post because there's nothing urgent going on at work.
I have a list in my head of a handful of things to do today, including a sub list for one of them (I need to swing by the grocery store and get three things and I've checked myself multiple times now and yes, I can still remember the three - steak, corn, peanut butter - things!) and I am actually holding that list in my head and I'm not sure you realize what a big deal this is, but omg I don't think I've been able to do that reliably since the total breakdown of the hellpit of the last school degree.
Also... shhhhhh, omg, don't jinx it... but... there's pictures in my head. It comes in bits and starts, like the movie projector is throwing fits and making awful grinding noises while it clunks to life, it's nothing I can hold onto yet, but in the shower when I started to wake up I had random glimpses of Hausch from Loss of Memory, and on the train I was half dreaming Anduin and his mates putting the older cubs down for bed. I can't even begin to express how much I've missed having picture in my head. I haven't had them in YEARS, and prior to that it was nothing BUT pictures, constant streams of still shots or movies, with or without sound, that's where all my stories COME FROM, and I haven't had them in years. JFC, if I knew stimulants would give them back to me, I would've ripped my stomach open with bleeding ulcerations from coffee by now and screw the consequences.
I can't hold onto them yet, there's nothing solid, but I literally haven't even thought of Loss of Memory in years and suddenly, randomly, there it is. I would like more sudden randomness, please. But first I need to knock down the work list, because I'm at work and there are priorities, so let me go do that.
Crossposted from Dreamwidth. ::
bunnies - Feed a bunny
I went to bed an hour early yesterday, because I was tired and because the doctor had firm things to say about the fact the Adderall can cause insomnia and PLZ DO NOT ENCOURAGE IT, U ALREADY DON'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP. So... got to sleep at 11:30, woke up at 5:20, that's 5:20 hours of sleep, a step up from my usual 4ish. I know from experience what a little extra sleep feels like, though, and there is just basically never enough of it. =P
Still, it makes getting up easier, so get up, take pills, take shower, go make lunch, leave for work. Now, normally, I'm a walking zombie all through the commute, sleep like a dead thing on the train, and then zombie lurch my way into work, grab a cup of coffee, and huddle at my desk surfing the internet for anywhere from 30 min to 1 hour while the coffee kicks in, until I can focus enough to actually look at my work queue. (unless something is urgently due before noon - that I'll kick myself into operational for).
Today... I napped on the train, but it was more by habit and to conserve body warmth than anything else (cold has always made me sluggish, and it was cold and my hair was still damp, so I huddled up and went torpid). But I wasn't really ASLEEP, I was still awake enough to hear my music playing and know when we hit each stop. Get to work, grab coffee because that's what I do and I'm running on autopilot... and then laminate two large sign jobs, cut all the signs down, both my job and my boss' job, finish before my coffee even gets cold, sit down, check work email, reply to several emails, and then finish my coffee and breakfast scone. And now I'm writing this post because there's nothing urgent going on at work.
I have a list in my head of a handful of things to do today, including a sub list for one of them (I need to swing by the grocery store and get three things and I've checked myself multiple times now and yes, I can still remember the three - steak, corn, peanut butter - things!) and I am actually holding that list in my head and I'm not sure you realize what a big deal this is, but omg I don't think I've been able to do that reliably since the total breakdown of the hellpit of the last school degree.
Also... shhhhhh, omg, don't jinx it... but... there's pictures in my head. It comes in bits and starts, like the movie projector is throwing fits and making awful grinding noises while it clunks to life, it's nothing I can hold onto yet, but in the shower when I started to wake up I had random glimpses of Hausch from Loss of Memory, and on the train I was half dreaming Anduin and his mates putting the older cubs down for bed. I can't even begin to express how much I've missed having picture in my head. I haven't had them in YEARS, and prior to that it was nothing BUT pictures, constant streams of still shots or movies, with or without sound, that's where all my stories COME FROM, and I haven't had them in years. JFC, if I knew stimulants would give them back to me, I would've ripped my stomach open with bleeding ulcerations from coffee by now and screw the consequences.
I can't hold onto them yet, there's nothing solid, but I literally haven't even thought of Loss of Memory in years and suddenly, randomly, there it is. I would like more sudden randomness, please. But first I need to knock down the work list, because I'm at work and there are priorities, so let me go do that.
Crossposted from Dreamwidth. ::
bunnies - Feed a bunny