fandom.. er.. what should i call it, rant?/soliloquy?
I'm messing around with my new slash-site-to-be at the moment. That explains my (usual) absent from LJ.. (or not? I have a feeling that I open my Semagic even more than usual these days..)
At first I encounter some domain diffeculty, but well, I should know better that Thai people never do anything according to rules and there're many Thai registrant that are willing to regist you with '.US' domain even tho you are not a US citizen nor live in the US. I don't know how they do it. But I'd just pretend I don't know that you have to be the US citizen to have a '.us' domain. *sheepishly grin*
N'Way, back to the point. While I was registering domain & new space. The matter that comes up is 'LSEP.org'. *le sigh* I still have the domain, alright. Thank god there's a thing called 'grace period' in domain registration that allows the old owner to reclaim the domain even when it's on suspend. I was thinking about movine the domain into the new space and cancle out the old one. But then I have a chat with arthael, and frankly I don't really know if I'm gonna get through with it or not. I have the domain, but the site might not come to shape in a very long time, if ever. So she suggests that if I'm not gonna do it soon anyway, why pay for it. The cost of webspace isn't much, but still, why pay for it while you know you don't really need it.
But when I think about cancling that account (only the space, tho, I'd still have a hold on LSEP.org), I feel guilty. Force knows why, but I do! LUNA SEA ENTERPRISE is my very first 'real' website, the most 'success' one to-date, and it means so much to my life and the direction that it's going now. I also feel guilty as a 'slave' of the band. (I know it's weird, but LUNA SEA's fanclub realy name themselves 'SLAVE' :p) LS was not my first fandom, but I think it's fair to say it has the most impact on my life. Holding on to the domain/site and promise myself that "I'm doing it!" is in a way saying that I'm not forgetting them, even though I haven't follow any activities of the band members anymore, nor that I hunt for LS 'relics' like I used to. But by abandoning the project completely, I almost feel like I'm abandoning the large chunk of my past. It almost feel like I'm leaving the fandom.
Speaking of which, can one 'leave' fandom? I mean, you can fade away, have more interest with something over another, but is totally 'leaving it' possible? Last year when I was trying to 'relight the fire', I realised immediately that a fansite, a good fansite, is not something that you could achieve alone. A good fansite, imo, requires participation from visitors. And as far as I know, the 'old crowd' of LS fandom have more or else fade into the multifandom tide. I look into LSML, or the forum of sugizolove.com, and don't see any familier names. And that makes me wonder .. even 'if' I finished the site, who would come?
My mother said it's a matter of 'growing up'. But heck, when I listen to LS songs, I don't feel much older than the day I heard them for the first time, ten somewhat years ago. I don't love them any less, though I have to admit that the 'obsession' isn't there anymore. Is that a part of 'growing up'?
I guess this is just another pointless long rant. More or less I already know what I wanna do. It just feel so sad letting go of something you hold on to for such a long time. I feel like I'm breaking up with someone I loved, and love so much still.
It's just.. sad.
At first I encounter some domain diffeculty, but well, I should know better that Thai people never do anything according to rules and there're many Thai registrant that are willing to regist you with '.US' domain even tho you are not a US citizen nor live in the US. I don't know how they do it. But I'd just pretend I don't know that you have to be the US citizen to have a '.us' domain. *sheepishly grin*
N'Way, back to the point. While I was registering domain & new space. The matter that comes up is 'LSEP.org'. *le sigh* I still have the domain, alright. Thank god there's a thing called 'grace period' in domain registration that allows the old owner to reclaim the domain even when it's on suspend. I was thinking about movine the domain into the new space and cancle out the old one. But then I have a chat with arthael, and frankly I don't really know if I'm gonna get through with it or not. I have the domain, but the site might not come to shape in a very long time, if ever. So she suggests that if I'm not gonna do it soon anyway, why pay for it. The cost of webspace isn't much, but still, why pay for it while you know you don't really need it.
But when I think about cancling that account (only the space, tho, I'd still have a hold on LSEP.org), I feel guilty. Force knows why, but I do! LUNA SEA ENTERPRISE is my very first 'real' website, the most 'success' one to-date, and it means so much to my life and the direction that it's going now. I also feel guilty as a 'slave' of the band. (I know it's weird, but LUNA SEA's fanclub realy name themselves 'SLAVE' :p) LS was not my first fandom, but I think it's fair to say it has the most impact on my life. Holding on to the domain/site and promise myself that "I'm doing it!" is in a way saying that I'm not forgetting them, even though I haven't follow any activities of the band members anymore, nor that I hunt for LS 'relics' like I used to. But by abandoning the project completely, I almost feel like I'm abandoning the large chunk of my past. It almost feel like I'm leaving the fandom.
Speaking of which, can one 'leave' fandom? I mean, you can fade away, have more interest with something over another, but is totally 'leaving it' possible? Last year when I was trying to 'relight the fire', I realised immediately that a fansite, a good fansite, is not something that you could achieve alone. A good fansite, imo, requires participation from visitors. And as far as I know, the 'old crowd' of LS fandom have more or else fade into the multifandom tide. I look into LSML, or the forum of sugizolove.com, and don't see any familier names. And that makes me wonder .. even 'if' I finished the site, who would come?
My mother said it's a matter of 'growing up'. But heck, when I listen to LS songs, I don't feel much older than the day I heard them for the first time, ten somewhat years ago. I don't love them any less, though I have to admit that the 'obsession' isn't there anymore. Is that a part of 'growing up'?
I guess this is just another pointless long rant. More or less I already know what I wanna do. It just feel so sad letting go of something you hold on to for such a long time. I feel like I'm breaking up with someone I loved, and love so much still.
It's just.. sad.