moonbeam
Title: Moonbeam
Pairing: Jessica/Tiffany, Yoona/Jessica
Word Count: 1,549
Rating: R
“You’re home.”
“There was too much work.”
“Have you eaten?”
“Yeah.”
The same words, the same questions, the same answers. Sometimes, Jessica wonders why they even bother. Is it out of habit? (Because the meanings and feelings that used to come along with the words are gone.)
Jessica places her bag down, metal zips clinking. Tiffany is on the couch, shrouded in darkness, not bothering to turn on the lights. The television is turned on but it’s muted, the only light source in the house. Jessica doesn’t know why, but the glow from the tv makes Tiffany look skinnier, frailer, like she can float away if the wind is ever too strong. And yet, deep down, Jessica knows that Tiffany will never float away. Tiffany will always be at home, anchored to the ground, while she waits for Jessica to drift back home.
Jessica swallows. There’s this bitterness in her mouth that keeps spreading but she tries her best to ignore it. She turns on the lights and makes her way to the kitchen, only to see leftover Chinese takeaway on the counter. But despite her growling stomach, she just settles on
milk to ease her hunger.
She hears footsteps behind her as she finishes off her glass of milk. Jessica leaves the glass in the sink and looks up, accidentally making eye contact with Tiffany.
The silence is suffocating.
Is there nothing more to say?
Why did things go awry?
Jessica automatically retreats to the bedroom, not knowing how to face Tiffany. (The silver band on her ring finger somehow feels tighter than before.) The flowers that Jessica recently gave Tiffany are still in the vase. (It was her last ditch attempt to revive this dying love.)
When she’s finally in bed, she pulls the covers up to her neck and snaps her eyes shut, pretending to be asleep. A while later, she can hear a slight shuffling. There’s a dip on the other side of the bed, but the duvet doesn’t get pulled away from her. Tiffany never fights for anything.
(Jessica, included.)
Jessica can still feel the fingers tracing down her spine earlier, the butterfly kisses down her neck, the lips on her collarbone. She can still feel the warmth of an embrace, an arm around her waist, a leg draped across her thighs. Her heart races at the thought of it. The desire builds in her chest and she finds herself wanting more and more. (She never knew wanting was so dangerous.)
There are red crescent moons running along her inner thighs and she flushes at the memory of fingernails sinking into her skin. So tantalizing, so dangerous. Teeth and tongue inching closer and closer and that sweet pressure between her hips, she can almost feel it all.
There’s another dip in the bed and she hears Tiffany shifting. The movement jolts her back to reality and there’s bile rising in her throat.
It feels like more than just distance between them.
Jessica has never felt so trapped in her own home before.
Jessica still remembers the little poems that Tiffany used to write for her. She’d leave it at the coffee table along with a cup of tea (because Jessica never drinks coffee) or she’d leave it the dining table as she waits for Jessica to return home to her.
//My heart is made out of white paper. Your name is written everywhere on my heart. //
Jessica lets out a sigh.
Flowers wilt. Fire turns to ash. Sun sets. Waves crash.
Why do all good things come to an end?
Tiffany watches the peaceful rise and fall of Jessica’s chest. The moonbeam shines on Jessica’s face and Tiffany thinks she has never seen anyone more beautiful than Jessica.
Why are things that will disappear so beautiful?
///
Not enough air.
Jessica thinks she can never get enough air, especially when she’s around Yoona. She bites her lips until she can taste the iron. Two fingers tug at her bottom lip, coaxing her to release her bleeding lip. She lets go and almost immediately, Yoona leans in to suck on her lower lip. How intimate. Yoona unclasps Jessica’s bra surprisingly fast and Jessica smirks into the kiss. A tongue swipes at her bottom lip before pulling away.
“I can feel you smirking, Jessica,” Yoona states, fingers tracing circles on her taut stomach.
“You sure undress me fast,” Jessica says wryly.
“I’ve been doing this countless times now, love. Besides, I’m eager to please, Miss Jung,” This time, it’s Yoona’s turn to smirk as she moves lower. She finds a spot near her collarbones and sucks, wanting to mark Jessica. Her hands move up. This time, her fingers are tracing circles around her nipple. Jessica clenches her jaw, not wanting to make any sound. It would give Yoona more than satisfaction and where’s the fun in that?
“Not letting up, Miss Jung?” Yoona slyly moves down, hands holding Jessica’s hips as she leaves a trail of butterfly kisses along her lower abdomen.
“I don’t think you have the skills to make me moan, Miss Im.”
Her sentence makes Yoona look up at her. Challenge accepted.
“You are so wrong, Jessica Jung.”
A hand cups her clothed core. Two fingers then trail up and down, successfully making Jessica’s back arch.
“And I’ll make you regret saying that.”
How can one sentence hold so much promise?
Yoona is on the bed, just the mere duvet covering her body, getting ready for a good night’s sleep while Jessica is in front of her dresser, fully clothed.
“Can’t you stay?”
“You know I have to go, Yoona.”
There’s a slight hesitance before the next reply, “Call off the marriage. Say that it’s over.”
The sentence makes Jessica turn to look at Yoona, “I love her, Yoona.”
Jessica wonders whether she said that to reject Yoona or to reassure herself.
“We both know that’s a lie, Jessica. I can take care of you. I’m in love with you,” The way Yoona says it so confidently makes Jessica falter.
They were so close. Jessica could almost picture it all. Goodbye and welcome home kisses. Comforting hugs. Loving words that they both actually mean. Pancakes in the morning in bed when they’re both too lazy to move. Cuddling at night because it’s never cold when they’re hugging. Poems written by Tiffany left on dining tables and coffee tables. Maybe a girl called Miyeon running around the house, asking for hugs and kisses from both mothers…
In the end, it’s all momentary, love is momentary.
It’s just a passing dream but Jessica never wanted to wake up.
Perhaps, it’s time to wake up.
///
“You’re home.”
“There was work.”
“Have you eaten?”
“…”
The lack of a reply makes Tiffany stand up from the couch, in the midst of the darkness. The glow from the tv doesn’t illuminate her face anymore and Jessica cannot see Tiffany’s reaction.
“Have you eaten?”
There’s a sigh from Jessica and it sends Tiffany panicking.
“Have you eaten?”
“Tiffany, I-”
“Please, please just say yes.”
The sudden interruption leaves Jessica confused.
“What?”
“Just say that you’ve eaten. Please. Please,” Tiffany’s voice trembles and cracks.
Tiffany steps forward and the moonlight shines on her face. Tiffany is crying.
“Tiffany, listen-”
“You don’t even have to eat the food that I saved for you in the kitchen. Please just say that you’ve eaten. That’s all you have to say.”
Jessica feels her heart clench at the sight of Tiffany crying. Tiffany is begging for Jessica to stay but Jessica knows that no matter how much she tries to look at their future, it will always be black. The darkness had erased everything.
Please let me stay in your trembling eyes.
Jessica slips the wedding band off and lets it fall. It clinks against the ground, like a silent farewell.
“I’m sorry.”
That’s all Jessica manages to say because her voice is shaking as well and she feels like she’s no longer anchored to the ground. She has no safe haven anymore. Tiffany will no longer be by her side. It honestly scares her. Breathing, letting go, moving on, all of it scares her.
Looking at the girl she once loved, her vision is blurring and all she can make out is Tiffany’s silhouette. She’s losing Tiffany in her eyes.
Jessica feels like she’s going to break down if she stays in the house where she once thought would always be her home. She runs back to her only solace - Yoona.
This love - this dream - ends here.
///
The next morning, Jessica goes back to the house, wanting to pack her things and move out. However, she’s shocked to see the apartment free of Tiffany’s possessions, nothing to suggest that Tiffany ever lived here. It’s almost as if she disappeared.
The only trace of her existence is the slip of paper left on the coffee table.
//My heart is made out of white paper. Your name is written everywhere on my heart. I can only wish mine had been written on yours. I long for a love I cannot hold on to. You were but a passing dream. I wish I didn’t have to wake up.
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? //
Pairing: Jessica/Tiffany, Yoona/Jessica
Word Count: 1,549
Rating: R
“You’re home.”
“There was too much work.”
“Have you eaten?”
“Yeah.”
The same words, the same questions, the same answers. Sometimes, Jessica wonders why they even bother. Is it out of habit? (Because the meanings and feelings that used to come along with the words are gone.)
Jessica places her bag down, metal zips clinking. Tiffany is on the couch, shrouded in darkness, not bothering to turn on the lights. The television is turned on but it’s muted, the only light source in the house. Jessica doesn’t know why, but the glow from the tv makes Tiffany look skinnier, frailer, like she can float away if the wind is ever too strong. And yet, deep down, Jessica knows that Tiffany will never float away. Tiffany will always be at home, anchored to the ground, while she waits for Jessica to drift back home.
Jessica swallows. There’s this bitterness in her mouth that keeps spreading but she tries her best to ignore it. She turns on the lights and makes her way to the kitchen, only to see leftover Chinese takeaway on the counter. But despite her growling stomach, she just settles on
milk to ease her hunger.
She hears footsteps behind her as she finishes off her glass of milk. Jessica leaves the glass in the sink and looks up, accidentally making eye contact with Tiffany.
The silence is suffocating.
Is there nothing more to say?
Why did things go awry?
Jessica automatically retreats to the bedroom, not knowing how to face Tiffany. (The silver band on her ring finger somehow feels tighter than before.) The flowers that Jessica recently gave Tiffany are still in the vase. (It was her last ditch attempt to revive this dying love.)
When she’s finally in bed, she pulls the covers up to her neck and snaps her eyes shut, pretending to be asleep. A while later, she can hear a slight shuffling. There’s a dip on the other side of the bed, but the duvet doesn’t get pulled away from her. Tiffany never fights for anything.
(Jessica, included.)
Jessica can still feel the fingers tracing down her spine earlier, the butterfly kisses down her neck, the lips on her collarbone. She can still feel the warmth of an embrace, an arm around her waist, a leg draped across her thighs. Her heart races at the thought of it. The desire builds in her chest and she finds herself wanting more and more. (She never knew wanting was so dangerous.)
There are red crescent moons running along her inner thighs and she flushes at the memory of fingernails sinking into her skin. So tantalizing, so dangerous. Teeth and tongue inching closer and closer and that sweet pressure between her hips, she can almost feel it all.
There’s another dip in the bed and she hears Tiffany shifting. The movement jolts her back to reality and there’s bile rising in her throat.
It feels like more than just distance between them.
Jessica has never felt so trapped in her own home before.
Jessica still remembers the little poems that Tiffany used to write for her. She’d leave it at the coffee table along with a cup of tea (because Jessica never drinks coffee) or she’d leave it the dining table as she waits for Jessica to return home to her.
//My heart is made out of white paper. Your name is written everywhere on my heart. //
Jessica lets out a sigh.
Flowers wilt. Fire turns to ash. Sun sets. Waves crash.
Why do all good things come to an end?
Tiffany watches the peaceful rise and fall of Jessica’s chest. The moonbeam shines on Jessica’s face and Tiffany thinks she has never seen anyone more beautiful than Jessica.
Why are things that will disappear so beautiful?
///
Not enough air.
Jessica thinks she can never get enough air, especially when she’s around Yoona. She bites her lips until she can taste the iron. Two fingers tug at her bottom lip, coaxing her to release her bleeding lip. She lets go and almost immediately, Yoona leans in to suck on her lower lip. How intimate. Yoona unclasps Jessica’s bra surprisingly fast and Jessica smirks into the kiss. A tongue swipes at her bottom lip before pulling away.
“I can feel you smirking, Jessica,” Yoona states, fingers tracing circles on her taut stomach.
“You sure undress me fast,” Jessica says wryly.
“I’ve been doing this countless times now, love. Besides, I’m eager to please, Miss Jung,” This time, it’s Yoona’s turn to smirk as she moves lower. She finds a spot near her collarbones and sucks, wanting to mark Jessica. Her hands move up. This time, her fingers are tracing circles around her nipple. Jessica clenches her jaw, not wanting to make any sound. It would give Yoona more than satisfaction and where’s the fun in that?
“Not letting up, Miss Jung?” Yoona slyly moves down, hands holding Jessica’s hips as she leaves a trail of butterfly kisses along her lower abdomen.
“I don’t think you have the skills to make me moan, Miss Im.”
Her sentence makes Yoona look up at her. Challenge accepted.
“You are so wrong, Jessica Jung.”
A hand cups her clothed core. Two fingers then trail up and down, successfully making Jessica’s back arch.
“And I’ll make you regret saying that.”
How can one sentence hold so much promise?
Yoona is on the bed, just the mere duvet covering her body, getting ready for a good night’s sleep while Jessica is in front of her dresser, fully clothed.
“Can’t you stay?”
“You know I have to go, Yoona.”
There’s a slight hesitance before the next reply, “Call off the marriage. Say that it’s over.”
The sentence makes Jessica turn to look at Yoona, “I love her, Yoona.”
Jessica wonders whether she said that to reject Yoona or to reassure herself.
“We both know that’s a lie, Jessica. I can take care of you. I’m in love with you,” The way Yoona says it so confidently makes Jessica falter.
They were so close. Jessica could almost picture it all. Goodbye and welcome home kisses. Comforting hugs. Loving words that they both actually mean. Pancakes in the morning in bed when they’re both too lazy to move. Cuddling at night because it’s never cold when they’re hugging. Poems written by Tiffany left on dining tables and coffee tables. Maybe a girl called Miyeon running around the house, asking for hugs and kisses from both mothers…
In the end, it’s all momentary, love is momentary.
It’s just a passing dream but Jessica never wanted to wake up.
Perhaps, it’s time to wake up.
///
“You’re home.”
“There was work.”
“Have you eaten?”
“…”
The lack of a reply makes Tiffany stand up from the couch, in the midst of the darkness. The glow from the tv doesn’t illuminate her face anymore and Jessica cannot see Tiffany’s reaction.
“Have you eaten?”
There’s a sigh from Jessica and it sends Tiffany panicking.
“Have you eaten?”
“Tiffany, I-”
“Please, please just say yes.”
The sudden interruption leaves Jessica confused.
“What?”
“Just say that you’ve eaten. Please. Please,” Tiffany’s voice trembles and cracks.
Tiffany steps forward and the moonlight shines on her face. Tiffany is crying.
“Tiffany, listen-”
“You don’t even have to eat the food that I saved for you in the kitchen. Please just say that you’ve eaten. That’s all you have to say.”
Jessica feels her heart clench at the sight of Tiffany crying. Tiffany is begging for Jessica to stay but Jessica knows that no matter how much she tries to look at their future, it will always be black. The darkness had erased everything.
Please let me stay in your trembling eyes.
Jessica slips the wedding band off and lets it fall. It clinks against the ground, like a silent farewell.
“I’m sorry.”
That’s all Jessica manages to say because her voice is shaking as well and she feels like she’s no longer anchored to the ground. She has no safe haven anymore. Tiffany will no longer be by her side. It honestly scares her. Breathing, letting go, moving on, all of it scares her.
Looking at the girl she once loved, her vision is blurring and all she can make out is Tiffany’s silhouette. She’s losing Tiffany in her eyes.
Jessica feels like she’s going to break down if she stays in the house where she once thought would always be her home. She runs back to her only solace - Yoona.
This love - this dream - ends here.
///
The next morning, Jessica goes back to the house, wanting to pack her things and move out. However, she’s shocked to see the apartment free of Tiffany’s possessions, nothing to suggest that Tiffany ever lived here. It’s almost as if she disappeared.
The only trace of her existence is the slip of paper left on the coffee table.
//My heart is made out of white paper. Your name is written everywhere on my heart. I can only wish mine had been written on yours. I long for a love I cannot hold on to. You were but a passing dream. I wish I didn’t have to wake up.
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? //