Heart Fail Me Not
Lately my depression has been pretty mild. I could tell I've been manic because I just want to spend, spend, spend when I know I should be saving my money. I'm doing my best to keep it under control but I keep finding ways to justify my purchases even though they are not necessities (unless you consider jewlery, tiaras, action figures, and makeup necessities). I'm not in the red though so I am just being far more careful not since I know that I need to put away to get a dental partial put in.
That is one of my biggest issues right now is my teeth. I have a sever phobia of the dentist, and I mean really severe. I didn't go for years because I would have a panic attack in the waiting room. Part of this has to do with them not getting me numb, the other part is just pure anxiety. So now that my doctor has me on Valium I'm finally getting them taken care of but I have lost two of my bottom molars so I need to put money away to get a partial so I can eat comfortably again.
However my biggest issue right now is my heart. I've been struggling with severe hypertension for six years now (I'm only 23), I'm on three blood pressure medications and my readings still aren't normal. I've been poked, proded, scanned and monitored and still we are at a loss. They recently hooked me up to a Holter Monitor (basically a portable EKG)because they are scared my heart is skipping a beat which can lead to blood clots and even worse heart failure. I'm terrified and yet at home I just act like I'm okay. I hide how truly scared I am. I want to cry about it but I can't. I'm trying to stay positive but I did that with the Polycistic Ovarian Syndrom test and then it was positive. It's been four days and still no answers I just want to know. I just hope that if something is wrong my heart waits long enough for us to do something about it.
That is one of my biggest issues right now is my teeth. I have a sever phobia of the dentist, and I mean really severe. I didn't go for years because I would have a panic attack in the waiting room. Part of this has to do with them not getting me numb, the other part is just pure anxiety. So now that my doctor has me on Valium I'm finally getting them taken care of but I have lost two of my bottom molars so I need to put money away to get a partial so I can eat comfortably again.
However my biggest issue right now is my heart. I've been struggling with severe hypertension for six years now (I'm only 23), I'm on three blood pressure medications and my readings still aren't normal. I've been poked, proded, scanned and monitored and still we are at a loss. They recently hooked me up to a Holter Monitor (basically a portable EKG)because they are scared my heart is skipping a beat which can lead to blood clots and even worse heart failure. I'm terrified and yet at home I just act like I'm okay. I hide how truly scared I am. I want to cry about it but I can't. I'm trying to stay positive but I did that with the Polycistic Ovarian Syndrom test and then it was positive. It's been four days and still no answers I just want to know. I just hope that if something is wrong my heart waits long enough for us to do something about it.