(no subject)
What is with me?
Why have I been so down? O yeah.
No need to re-explain either.
But at least today is slow going, didnt wake up early. But that means I have less time alone.
I have alot bottled inside right now, that has never found true release. To keep something as powerful as love inside is to invite sickness and injury to the heart.
I have never been truly happy have I? I can recall a time where I would think so. But its a lie, or based on a lie. A stinking selfish life, who takes, never gives words of kindness or encouragement,always condemnation. HE used me. He took what he needed to realize the truth, and he left me alone, after 2 years of promising me he wouldnt he does.
Its such a unique feeling, to have about 1 year and 8 months, take flame in your brain, and burn away every feeling, and good care you ever had for that person.
We all have our Secrets. Mine are worse to some.
I went to church last night. Nothing spectacular, I went for the wrong reasons of course, and that weighted against my heart. But everyone was so nice, and I found myself staring at this Pastor, with intensity, that neither he, nor I could deny. I could see it the way he looked into my eyes, when we parted. He lingered on my hand, and watched me go with a smile. We share something, and what it is yet I do not know.
I dont know if I will go back, due to lack of ride, because I do not want to burden him or his girlfriend. But I did enjoy it, though I said nothing.
I'm still smoking a cigarette right now, so worry not. I am still me. But that doesnt mean I cant come to peace with the mockeries I've made, the jokes of utter hatred that I just can not forget. I was wrong to ever say them I know, but now, I just realize how truly stupid I was.
Anyway I find myself rambling and therefore not making a point.
Wait, theres one.
I can not stop thinking about her. Why do those words not carry the same feeling as b4?
Ah, because I alone hold them.
Why have I been so down? O yeah.
No need to re-explain either.
But at least today is slow going, didnt wake up early. But that means I have less time alone.
I have alot bottled inside right now, that has never found true release. To keep something as powerful as love inside is to invite sickness and injury to the heart.
I have never been truly happy have I? I can recall a time where I would think so. But its a lie, or based on a lie. A stinking selfish life, who takes, never gives words of kindness or encouragement,always condemnation. HE used me. He took what he needed to realize the truth, and he left me alone, after 2 years of promising me he wouldnt he does.
Its such a unique feeling, to have about 1 year and 8 months, take flame in your brain, and burn away every feeling, and good care you ever had for that person.
We all have our Secrets. Mine are worse to some.
I went to church last night. Nothing spectacular, I went for the wrong reasons of course, and that weighted against my heart. But everyone was so nice, and I found myself staring at this Pastor, with intensity, that neither he, nor I could deny. I could see it the way he looked into my eyes, when we parted. He lingered on my hand, and watched me go with a smile. We share something, and what it is yet I do not know.
I dont know if I will go back, due to lack of ride, because I do not want to burden him or his girlfriend. But I did enjoy it, though I said nothing.
I'm still smoking a cigarette right now, so worry not. I am still me. But that doesnt mean I cant come to peace with the mockeries I've made, the jokes of utter hatred that I just can not forget. I was wrong to ever say them I know, but now, I just realize how truly stupid I was.
Anyway I find myself rambling and therefore not making a point.
Wait, theres one.
I can not stop thinking about her. Why do those words not carry the same feeling as b4?
Ah, because I alone hold them.