Re-write
I managed to re-write a Detective Conan fic I wrote some time ago. It has a Saguru/Shiho pairing. The original versions can be found here and here.
Regrets
"So, If I have three apples in my left hand and four in the right one, what do I have?" the teacher asked from her spot in the front of the class. 'Well', Conan thought as he watched his classmates raise their hands. 'At least this is better than answering in a chorus...' The teacher picked Genta, one of the few students that were not raising their hands. Conan had noticed this habit of the teacher pretty quickly but apparently Genta had not.
Genta thought for a moment. "What was the question?" he asked, trying to stall. The teacher repeated the question. Genta thought for a while longer. Finally he answered. "Really, really big hands?"
Conan hit his head on the table. "Someone kill me, please..." he groaned. "You'd better watch what you wish for, Kudo-kun", Ai said from next to him. Conan only glared at the scientist. "As I recall, you took the poison to end your life", he said. "So don't go preaching about suicidal talk to me." Ai only hmphed and turned away from him.
Conan stayed quiet for a while before he reached out and poked Ai's shoulder gently. The girl turned to glare at him. "Sorry", he said. Ai let out a sigh and nodded in acknowledgement. "You are forgiven", she said. "I was wondering..." Conan started again. "If you would have died, would you have regretted anything?"
Ai looked suprised at the question at first but then started to consider it. "One thing", she finally said. Conan lifted a questioning eyebrow in encouragement. Ai looked like she was not sure if she should answer or not.
"You answer this first", Ai said suddenly. "If you were to die now, what would be your greatest regret?" Conan acted like he was thinking about his answer but was really trying to figure out Ai's motivation to ask such a thing. He knew what he would regret most, but he did not know why Ai asked it. Maybe she just wanted something in return for her own answer. Ai really was not someone to just give things up.
Finally Conan decided to answer. "I would regret that I never told Ran the truth", he said. Ai nodded her head, smirking in triumpht. "Exactly", she said. "But you said your sister was all the family you had", Conan said. "Who would you want to tell the truth to? And what truth are you talking about?"
Ai took a deep breath before answering. "I have someone important to me", she said finally. "You mean you have a boyfriend?" Ai's cheeks turned a slight shade of pink. "No", she said. "We never were together. But I am very fond of him."
Conan nodded his head. In Ai Language 'very fond of' meant 'would die for'. "What truth would you want to tell him?" "Everything I've ever hidden from him", Ai replied. "About the organization, about the depth of my feelings for him and now, about my current state."
Not knowing what else to do, Conan reached out with his hand and grabbed one of Ai's hands into his own. The girl looked at him with a small grateful smile. "What is the part of her you miss the most?"
Conan was suprised that Ai would ask such a sentimental thing but realized that this situation must have brought it up. He also understood the meaning of the question. Ai wanted to know what Conan missed as Shinichi.
"I miss the way she used to stand by the soccer field when I was playing", Conan answered. "The way she would smile at me and cheer for me and how I always knew she would stand on the same spot even in heavy rain."
Conan was completely lost in his memories that he did not notice that he had let go of Ai's hand or the almost dreamy look on Ai's face before the girl let out a rather disappointed sigh. "I wish our relationship had gotten that far..." she said.
A curious and apologetic look come to Conan's face. "What happened?" he asked. "The organization happened. I had to move to the states for my studies and that meant leaving him behind..." Ai suddenly trailed off. "You know, I can't even remember what his smile is like..."
"Is it that long since you last saw him?" Conan asked. Ai shook her head. "I've gone to visit him many times after I came back to Japan. It's just that he doesn't smile often, hardly at all if you don't count the smug smirks." Ai's eyes kept drifting away from Conan's eyes. The boy guessed that this was a difficult topic for the girl.
Conan scratched the back of his head. "Sounds a bit stiff, this dream guy of yours", he admitted. Ai nodded. "I think he might not be the right one for me", she said. "Or then I'm not the right one for him..."
Both of the non-children were quiet for a while. "So, do you miss his smile the most?" he asked. Ai shook her head, suprising Conan. "I told you that I don't remember his smile. He only smiles in my dreams anymore." She finally looked Conan straight into the eyes again and grinned. "I miss his glare."
"Glare?" Conan questioned, utterly confused. Ai nodded. "His glare", she confirmed. "He seems most alive when he's angry. That's the most emotion anyone can get out of him." Ai once again trailed off. "I sometimes amuse myself with the thought of going to him and confessing it all. That might make him smile."
Conan tilted his head to the side. "Why would it make him smile to know you're a criminal and that an illegal organization is out to assasinate you?" he asked. "Not a single one of those things would make him smile", Ai said. "He's a defender of justice, you know? Just like you." "You mean he's a de-" "The thing that would make him smile would be the fact that I came and told him the truth. He hates being lied to."
"I can sometimes see myself sitting next to him is his grandfather's laboratory." Ai's voice was barely above a whisper. "I would tell him all and he would turn to me and smile. He would thank me for finally telling the truth and promise to help me any way he possibly can. He would tell me that it's ok, that everything will be fine, that he will make it right again..."
Conan was startled when he saw the tears streaming down Ai's cheeks. "It's never going to happen, you know", the fair-haired girl said with a whimper. "I lied to him so many times that I don't think he can ever forgive me. But if I could just see him smile once again...if someone could make him smile again, I could finally let him go."
Conan noticed the girl beginning to shake and thrust his hand into the air. He told the teacher that Ai was feeling unwell and rushed the girl to the hallway. He hoped that no one was out of class as he took Ai to the closest bathroom he could find, not paying any attention to the sign on the door.
Soon Ai was sitting ontop of a toilet and Conan handed her some paper from beside the sink to dry her face with. When the girl had calmed down, Conan finally dared to ask the question that had been bothering him for a while now.
"So..." he started, bringing Ai's attention to himself. "Your seperation must have been pretty bad." "To put it lightly; yes." "What happened?" "I lied to him one time too many. Or more likely one hundred times too many times. He came to me, demanding to know what was going on. I told him that I could never tell him. He took it pretty badly."
Conan tried to figure out the most obvious reason for such behaviour. "Did he think you were cheating on him?" he asked. "Nothing that trivial could affect him", Ai said. "That is one of the reasons why I am so fond of him; he believes that not a single person is completely bad and that if you knew their motives you could understand their actions."
When Ai started to giggle fondly Conan could not help but lift a questioning eyebrow. "What?" he asked. Ai calmed down and answered with a wide smile: "You know, he even asks the criminals he catches: 'how come you did that?'. He's famous for that question."
Something sounded familiar to Conan about that statement. He had heard that question somewhere, but could not remember where exactly. He just shook his head to pay attention to Ai again.
"He wanted to know my motivations", Ai continued. "He bases all of his relationships on trust. I you fail his trust he might never forgive you." "That's pretty harsh." "Less so than what it sounds", Ai argued. "He forgave me so many times. Every time I lied I knew he knew, but he never said a thing. But when I refused to tell him why I had to go and possibly never return, he was angrier than ever before."
It sounded logical to Conan but he was still suprised when he heard himself speak for the boy he did not know. "You broke his heart", he said, bringing a suprised look on Ai's face. "You told me yourself that trust and truth are the things he values most. You had lied to him many times and at that time you showed no trust towards him. You hurt him."
Ai shook her head, looking compelety ashamed of herself. "I can't believe it", she said. "I should have realized it... Maybe our thing really wasn't meant to work..." "The cirmustances were against you", Conan said but Ai seemed to find little comfort in his words.
"I feel like I could just die..." Conan took a firm hold of Ai's hands and the girl's eyes turned to look at him once more. "What did you say about talking like that before?" he said. "The biggest mistake you can make is to think that everything is lost. We will find the antidote, take down the organization and then we can fix everything else aswell."
Ai looked at him silently for a while. Conan carefully ran his fingers across the skin of the back of Ai's hands. "Trust me", he said.
A firm look settled upon Ai's face and she stood up, looking proud once more. "We will fix it all", she said forcefully. "We will both be happy again, someday."
Conan nodded to the girl, grinning widely. He still could not remember where he had heard the question Ai's boyfriend always used but he would figure it out eventually.
OWARI
Ending Notes: I'm pretty sure that everyone figured out who Ai's mysterious love is so I'm still not telling it.
Fix It All
It felt weird to be in her own form again, Shiho noticed as she got nearer to the park bench. She did not know what to expect, but an empty bench haunted her thoughts all the way to the wooden object hidden behind a large cherry tree.
When Shiho saw the blond hair of the boy sitting on the bench, she let out a breath she had not noticed she had been holding. He had come. Even after all she had done to the boy, he had still come.
Shiho was now standing right behind the bench and she carefully reached out with her hand. She wanted to touch him, it had been so long. She decided against it, however, and just moved around the bench to face the young man sitting on it.
"I wasn't sure if you'd come..." Shiho spoke gently. Blue eyes watched her with no emotion at all as the boy started to speak. "You said you wanted to tell me the truth", he said. "And you decided to trust my word?" "I believe in second chances."
Shiho was not sure if she should sit down just yet. She had to be careful when dealing with the youth infront of her or she might never see him again. "I don't think this is my second chance", she spoke with her voice full of regret. "No, it isn't."
It was silent for a while. "Saguru..." Shiho started. "I'm-" "It's your twentieth third chance. Don't waste it. Because I don't know if I can give you any more." Shiho swallowed. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.
"Where have you been?" Saguru asked suddenly, not waiting for Shiho to say anything. Shiho had been expecting this. The question was a test. Saguru would not trust her again, unless she proved to him that she was serious about this.
"I've been..." Shiho trailed off, not sure how to continue. 'With Kudo Shinichi' would give Saguru the wrong idea. Not that Saguru would say so, of course. But he would still think it even if he did not say it. Saguru was a gentleman, but not naive.
"I've been hiding." It had come out easier than Shiho had expected. It had always been difficult to lie to Saguru, and not just because the boy usually saw right through them. It was suprising how easily the truth came out after so many times of trying to lie.
Shiho felt Saguru's hand take hers and she was suprised when the blond boy pulled her to sit on the bench by his side. She was making progress, she knew this even though nothing about Saguru gave away his feelings at the moment.
Shiho spoke quietly but strongly as she told Saguru about everything she had experienced. About the ordeals she had countered, the friends she had found, the sacrifices she had made. Everything poured out of her, her insecurities and regrets. The only moment she stopped to think about the things she had said was after she had already told everything.
Saguru's hand was still holding Shiho's. The girl lifted her eyes to look into the detective's own. They were just as bright as Shiho had remembered. They were as bright as they had been before, before she had started lying.
"That was quite the tale", Saguru said. It was just like him to say something so out place in a complicated situation. Shiho still felt unsure. "Do you believe me?" she asked carefully. "Not the slightest bit."
Shiho's eyes widened in horror when she heard Saguru's words. She had been telling the truth! Why did Saguru think she was lying? Had she really lied to him one too many times?
"I say you did like those kids in the detective club." Shiho stared with wide eyes at Saguru. "Excuse me?" she asked. "You heard me. You liked those kids even though you try to deny it. Your eyes were laughing when you spoke about them."
Shiho felt her cheeks grow warm under Saguru's watchful eyes. "They made me forget, even if for a while", she said. "Forgetting might ease our pain, but it will only help for a little while", Saguru spoke. "We will only be lying to ourselves when we try to forget the things that make us what we are. Life can't be made of good things only, it's not practical."
Shiho could not help herself. The way Saguru spoke was so much like before. Overwhelmed by her longing she threw her arms around the boy's shoulders and hugged him tightly. "I love you so much, Saguru..." she said for the first time ever.
It was silent for a while. When Saguru did not react in any way Shiho finally pulled back to look at the boy. Had she made a mistake? After finally getting the boy back was she just going to lose him again?
The sight that met Shiho eased her mind. She smiled fondly at Saguru when she saw the faint blush on the pale cheeks. She reached out to brush a strand of golden hair out of the boy's eyes. Saguru finally focused his gaze on her again. "Do you truly?" he asked weakly.
The smile on Shiho's face widened as she leaned in to kiss Saguru's chin. "I told you that I came here to tell you the truth", she said gently. "I...I think I...I think I love you too, Shiho." The confession needed to come out, Shiho noticed this from the way Saguru untensed after speaking the words.
Shiho watched with facination as Saguru's lips curled slightly upwards. The smile was barely noticeable and it looked a bit out of place, since Saguru had not been used to smiling in a long time. But to Shiho, the imperfect smile was the most perfect thing she had seen in her entire life.
OWARI
Regrets
"So, If I have three apples in my left hand and four in the right one, what do I have?" the teacher asked from her spot in the front of the class. 'Well', Conan thought as he watched his classmates raise their hands. 'At least this is better than answering in a chorus...' The teacher picked Genta, one of the few students that were not raising their hands. Conan had noticed this habit of the teacher pretty quickly but apparently Genta had not.
Genta thought for a moment. "What was the question?" he asked, trying to stall. The teacher repeated the question. Genta thought for a while longer. Finally he answered. "Really, really big hands?"
Conan hit his head on the table. "Someone kill me, please..." he groaned. "You'd better watch what you wish for, Kudo-kun", Ai said from next to him. Conan only glared at the scientist. "As I recall, you took the poison to end your life", he said. "So don't go preaching about suicidal talk to me." Ai only hmphed and turned away from him.
Conan stayed quiet for a while before he reached out and poked Ai's shoulder gently. The girl turned to glare at him. "Sorry", he said. Ai let out a sigh and nodded in acknowledgement. "You are forgiven", she said. "I was wondering..." Conan started again. "If you would have died, would you have regretted anything?"
Ai looked suprised at the question at first but then started to consider it. "One thing", she finally said. Conan lifted a questioning eyebrow in encouragement. Ai looked like she was not sure if she should answer or not.
"You answer this first", Ai said suddenly. "If you were to die now, what would be your greatest regret?" Conan acted like he was thinking about his answer but was really trying to figure out Ai's motivation to ask such a thing. He knew what he would regret most, but he did not know why Ai asked it. Maybe she just wanted something in return for her own answer. Ai really was not someone to just give things up.
Finally Conan decided to answer. "I would regret that I never told Ran the truth", he said. Ai nodded her head, smirking in triumpht. "Exactly", she said. "But you said your sister was all the family you had", Conan said. "Who would you want to tell the truth to? And what truth are you talking about?"
Ai took a deep breath before answering. "I have someone important to me", she said finally. "You mean you have a boyfriend?" Ai's cheeks turned a slight shade of pink. "No", she said. "We never were together. But I am very fond of him."
Conan nodded his head. In Ai Language 'very fond of' meant 'would die for'. "What truth would you want to tell him?" "Everything I've ever hidden from him", Ai replied. "About the organization, about the depth of my feelings for him and now, about my current state."
Not knowing what else to do, Conan reached out with his hand and grabbed one of Ai's hands into his own. The girl looked at him with a small grateful smile. "What is the part of her you miss the most?"
Conan was suprised that Ai would ask such a sentimental thing but realized that this situation must have brought it up. He also understood the meaning of the question. Ai wanted to know what Conan missed as Shinichi.
"I miss the way she used to stand by the soccer field when I was playing", Conan answered. "The way she would smile at me and cheer for me and how I always knew she would stand on the same spot even in heavy rain."
Conan was completely lost in his memories that he did not notice that he had let go of Ai's hand or the almost dreamy look on Ai's face before the girl let out a rather disappointed sigh. "I wish our relationship had gotten that far..." she said.
A curious and apologetic look come to Conan's face. "What happened?" he asked. "The organization happened. I had to move to the states for my studies and that meant leaving him behind..." Ai suddenly trailed off. "You know, I can't even remember what his smile is like..."
"Is it that long since you last saw him?" Conan asked. Ai shook her head. "I've gone to visit him many times after I came back to Japan. It's just that he doesn't smile often, hardly at all if you don't count the smug smirks." Ai's eyes kept drifting away from Conan's eyes. The boy guessed that this was a difficult topic for the girl.
Conan scratched the back of his head. "Sounds a bit stiff, this dream guy of yours", he admitted. Ai nodded. "I think he might not be the right one for me", she said. "Or then I'm not the right one for him..."
Both of the non-children were quiet for a while. "So, do you miss his smile the most?" he asked. Ai shook her head, suprising Conan. "I told you that I don't remember his smile. He only smiles in my dreams anymore." She finally looked Conan straight into the eyes again and grinned. "I miss his glare."
"Glare?" Conan questioned, utterly confused. Ai nodded. "His glare", she confirmed. "He seems most alive when he's angry. That's the most emotion anyone can get out of him." Ai once again trailed off. "I sometimes amuse myself with the thought of going to him and confessing it all. That might make him smile."
Conan tilted his head to the side. "Why would it make him smile to know you're a criminal and that an illegal organization is out to assasinate you?" he asked. "Not a single one of those things would make him smile", Ai said. "He's a defender of justice, you know? Just like you." "You mean he's a de-" "The thing that would make him smile would be the fact that I came and told him the truth. He hates being lied to."
"I can sometimes see myself sitting next to him is his grandfather's laboratory." Ai's voice was barely above a whisper. "I would tell him all and he would turn to me and smile. He would thank me for finally telling the truth and promise to help me any way he possibly can. He would tell me that it's ok, that everything will be fine, that he will make it right again..."
Conan was startled when he saw the tears streaming down Ai's cheeks. "It's never going to happen, you know", the fair-haired girl said with a whimper. "I lied to him so many times that I don't think he can ever forgive me. But if I could just see him smile once again...if someone could make him smile again, I could finally let him go."
Conan noticed the girl beginning to shake and thrust his hand into the air. He told the teacher that Ai was feeling unwell and rushed the girl to the hallway. He hoped that no one was out of class as he took Ai to the closest bathroom he could find, not paying any attention to the sign on the door.
Soon Ai was sitting ontop of a toilet and Conan handed her some paper from beside the sink to dry her face with. When the girl had calmed down, Conan finally dared to ask the question that had been bothering him for a while now.
"So..." he started, bringing Ai's attention to himself. "Your seperation must have been pretty bad." "To put it lightly; yes." "What happened?" "I lied to him one time too many. Or more likely one hundred times too many times. He came to me, demanding to know what was going on. I told him that I could never tell him. He took it pretty badly."
Conan tried to figure out the most obvious reason for such behaviour. "Did he think you were cheating on him?" he asked. "Nothing that trivial could affect him", Ai said. "That is one of the reasons why I am so fond of him; he believes that not a single person is completely bad and that if you knew their motives you could understand their actions."
When Ai started to giggle fondly Conan could not help but lift a questioning eyebrow. "What?" he asked. Ai calmed down and answered with a wide smile: "You know, he even asks the criminals he catches: 'how come you did that?'. He's famous for that question."
Something sounded familiar to Conan about that statement. He had heard that question somewhere, but could not remember where exactly. He just shook his head to pay attention to Ai again.
"He wanted to know my motivations", Ai continued. "He bases all of his relationships on trust. I you fail his trust he might never forgive you." "That's pretty harsh." "Less so than what it sounds", Ai argued. "He forgave me so many times. Every time I lied I knew he knew, but he never said a thing. But when I refused to tell him why I had to go and possibly never return, he was angrier than ever before."
It sounded logical to Conan but he was still suprised when he heard himself speak for the boy he did not know. "You broke his heart", he said, bringing a suprised look on Ai's face. "You told me yourself that trust and truth are the things he values most. You had lied to him many times and at that time you showed no trust towards him. You hurt him."
Ai shook her head, looking compelety ashamed of herself. "I can't believe it", she said. "I should have realized it... Maybe our thing really wasn't meant to work..." "The cirmustances were against you", Conan said but Ai seemed to find little comfort in his words.
"I feel like I could just die..." Conan took a firm hold of Ai's hands and the girl's eyes turned to look at him once more. "What did you say about talking like that before?" he said. "The biggest mistake you can make is to think that everything is lost. We will find the antidote, take down the organization and then we can fix everything else aswell."
Ai looked at him silently for a while. Conan carefully ran his fingers across the skin of the back of Ai's hands. "Trust me", he said.
A firm look settled upon Ai's face and she stood up, looking proud once more. "We will fix it all", she said forcefully. "We will both be happy again, someday."
Conan nodded to the girl, grinning widely. He still could not remember where he had heard the question Ai's boyfriend always used but he would figure it out eventually.
OWARI
Ending Notes: I'm pretty sure that everyone figured out who Ai's mysterious love is so I'm still not telling it.
Fix It All
It felt weird to be in her own form again, Shiho noticed as she got nearer to the park bench. She did not know what to expect, but an empty bench haunted her thoughts all the way to the wooden object hidden behind a large cherry tree.
When Shiho saw the blond hair of the boy sitting on the bench, she let out a breath she had not noticed she had been holding. He had come. Even after all she had done to the boy, he had still come.
Shiho was now standing right behind the bench and she carefully reached out with her hand. She wanted to touch him, it had been so long. She decided against it, however, and just moved around the bench to face the young man sitting on it.
"I wasn't sure if you'd come..." Shiho spoke gently. Blue eyes watched her with no emotion at all as the boy started to speak. "You said you wanted to tell me the truth", he said. "And you decided to trust my word?" "I believe in second chances."
Shiho was not sure if she should sit down just yet. She had to be careful when dealing with the youth infront of her or she might never see him again. "I don't think this is my second chance", she spoke with her voice full of regret. "No, it isn't."
It was silent for a while. "Saguru..." Shiho started. "I'm-" "It's your twentieth third chance. Don't waste it. Because I don't know if I can give you any more." Shiho swallowed. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.
"Where have you been?" Saguru asked suddenly, not waiting for Shiho to say anything. Shiho had been expecting this. The question was a test. Saguru would not trust her again, unless she proved to him that she was serious about this.
"I've been..." Shiho trailed off, not sure how to continue. 'With Kudo Shinichi' would give Saguru the wrong idea. Not that Saguru would say so, of course. But he would still think it even if he did not say it. Saguru was a gentleman, but not naive.
"I've been hiding." It had come out easier than Shiho had expected. It had always been difficult to lie to Saguru, and not just because the boy usually saw right through them. It was suprising how easily the truth came out after so many times of trying to lie.
Shiho felt Saguru's hand take hers and she was suprised when the blond boy pulled her to sit on the bench by his side. She was making progress, she knew this even though nothing about Saguru gave away his feelings at the moment.
Shiho spoke quietly but strongly as she told Saguru about everything she had experienced. About the ordeals she had countered, the friends she had found, the sacrifices she had made. Everything poured out of her, her insecurities and regrets. The only moment she stopped to think about the things she had said was after she had already told everything.
Saguru's hand was still holding Shiho's. The girl lifted her eyes to look into the detective's own. They were just as bright as Shiho had remembered. They were as bright as they had been before, before she had started lying.
"That was quite the tale", Saguru said. It was just like him to say something so out place in a complicated situation. Shiho still felt unsure. "Do you believe me?" she asked carefully. "Not the slightest bit."
Shiho's eyes widened in horror when she heard Saguru's words. She had been telling the truth! Why did Saguru think she was lying? Had she really lied to him one too many times?
"I say you did like those kids in the detective club." Shiho stared with wide eyes at Saguru. "Excuse me?" she asked. "You heard me. You liked those kids even though you try to deny it. Your eyes were laughing when you spoke about them."
Shiho felt her cheeks grow warm under Saguru's watchful eyes. "They made me forget, even if for a while", she said. "Forgetting might ease our pain, but it will only help for a little while", Saguru spoke. "We will only be lying to ourselves when we try to forget the things that make us what we are. Life can't be made of good things only, it's not practical."
Shiho could not help herself. The way Saguru spoke was so much like before. Overwhelmed by her longing she threw her arms around the boy's shoulders and hugged him tightly. "I love you so much, Saguru..." she said for the first time ever.
It was silent for a while. When Saguru did not react in any way Shiho finally pulled back to look at the boy. Had she made a mistake? After finally getting the boy back was she just going to lose him again?
The sight that met Shiho eased her mind. She smiled fondly at Saguru when she saw the faint blush on the pale cheeks. She reached out to brush a strand of golden hair out of the boy's eyes. Saguru finally focused his gaze on her again. "Do you truly?" he asked weakly.
The smile on Shiho's face widened as she leaned in to kiss Saguru's chin. "I told you that I came here to tell you the truth", she said gently. "I...I think I...I think I love you too, Shiho." The confession needed to come out, Shiho noticed this from the way Saguru untensed after speaking the words.
Shiho watched with facination as Saguru's lips curled slightly upwards. The smile was barely noticeable and it looked a bit out of place, since Saguru had not been used to smiling in a long time. But to Shiho, the imperfect smile was the most perfect thing she had seen in her entire life.
OWARI