the happy jester is not so happy
just have to get thing out of my head.. not looking for pity not looking for sympathy.. just looking to vent my frustrations..
So with that..
I am getting tired of my mind playing havok with me.. up and down like a freaking rollercoaster.. one week unbelievaby happy and estatic.. then next week.. depressed to the point I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone.. shoot I hardly even want to talk to my son.. and that is rough.. I can feel the depressive attacks they spread accorss my brain.. and can feel them comeing on.. but there is nothing I can do about them.. Yes I know I can go get meds to help control this.. but I don't like relying on a pill to help me though something. expecially something that i will ahve to take for the rest of my life.. So why am I bitching when there is a resolution to the problems I have and i am not willing to do it.. well because I can.. I just want to be normal.. but was not in my roll of the dice.. and it is just something I am going to have to deal with when it happens. atleast I know when it is coming on and I can atleast warn steph when it does happen.. don't get me wrong I like the Manic phases.. so I have to take the good with the bad.. hehe
so if I am alittle stand offish and unresponsive at times.. don't worry about me.. i am fine.. i just have the get out of the pit that my mind has created..
So with that..
I am getting tired of my mind playing havok with me.. up and down like a freaking rollercoaster.. one week unbelievaby happy and estatic.. then next week.. depressed to the point I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone.. shoot I hardly even want to talk to my son.. and that is rough.. I can feel the depressive attacks they spread accorss my brain.. and can feel them comeing on.. but there is nothing I can do about them.. Yes I know I can go get meds to help control this.. but I don't like relying on a pill to help me though something. expecially something that i will ahve to take for the rest of my life.. So why am I bitching when there is a resolution to the problems I have and i am not willing to do it.. well because I can.. I just want to be normal.. but was not in my roll of the dice.. and it is just something I am going to have to deal with when it happens. atleast I know when it is coming on and I can atleast warn steph when it does happen.. don't get me wrong I like the Manic phases.. so I have to take the good with the bad.. hehe
so if I am alittle stand offish and unresponsive at times.. don't worry about me.. i am fine.. i just have the get out of the pit that my mind has created..