Saints for the Pain
I don't understand how fictional upon fiction can get me this worked up.
Graham? He was selfish, and forgotten, and forfeit, but all consuming.
Winnie was the savior child, who connects everyone, but they can't mourn because she was only six- brings the whole story together, and has meaning... yet no one knows enough to say the meaningful.
Harry's been blind-sighted, and selfish, and thoughtless, and selfless, and hurt- but he's only the middle ground. He wasn't the closest, but he was close to her. He gave up, but comforted the dying. He shunned, but befriended the lonely.
Severus... has learned to love, or connect, and mourn for those he's never known. He's confused about the pixie, and the flowers, and no one's really thought of whether or not he can handle the stress- but we'll assume he can, because if he doesn't, the line ends there and we're all doomed.
Why is it, that these people on paper probably mean more to me than the ones I know? Why is it that I've no problems relating in theory, but can't in practice? What will happen if I end up like any of them? Besides Winnie, because no one's ever given me credit for being too open hearted.
What happens when we leave, and things are left unsaid? Not even this earth- just....leave?
I don't think I can handle it. That's one of the problems. I can't handle, or deal- or talk, gods forfend- and sometimes it feels like if I just stop, it won't be so hard.
Nothing'll exist to be hard from, at least.
It's the adjustment. It has to be. Humans naturally resist change, it's not something we can condition ourselves to like, or not like. Facts don't make it any easier. It can make me understand, but nothing can make this easier.
I *need* a crying shoulder. I need a well trained ear. I need a sentient being that gives half a damn more than the rest of the world.
Considering all the improbabilities, it won't get easier. But it has to, and the illusions will- so really, what's Darrian got to lose but his sanity, and pride, and ever loving innocence?
The world hates innocence.
~Darrian
Graham? He was selfish, and forgotten, and forfeit, but all consuming.
Winnie was the savior child, who connects everyone, but they can't mourn because she was only six- brings the whole story together, and has meaning... yet no one knows enough to say the meaningful.
Harry's been blind-sighted, and selfish, and thoughtless, and selfless, and hurt- but he's only the middle ground. He wasn't the closest, but he was close to her. He gave up, but comforted the dying. He shunned, but befriended the lonely.
Severus... has learned to love, or connect, and mourn for those he's never known. He's confused about the pixie, and the flowers, and no one's really thought of whether or not he can handle the stress- but we'll assume he can, because if he doesn't, the line ends there and we're all doomed.
Why is it, that these people on paper probably mean more to me than the ones I know? Why is it that I've no problems relating in theory, but can't in practice? What will happen if I end up like any of them? Besides Winnie, because no one's ever given me credit for being too open hearted.
What happens when we leave, and things are left unsaid? Not even this earth- just....leave?
I don't think I can handle it. That's one of the problems. I can't handle, or deal- or talk, gods forfend- and sometimes it feels like if I just stop, it won't be so hard.
Nothing'll exist to be hard from, at least.
It's the adjustment. It has to be. Humans naturally resist change, it's not something we can condition ourselves to like, or not like. Facts don't make it any easier. It can make me understand, but nothing can make this easier.
I *need* a crying shoulder. I need a well trained ear. I need a sentient being that gives half a damn more than the rest of the world.
Considering all the improbabilities, it won't get easier. But it has to, and the illusions will- so really, what's Darrian got to lose but his sanity, and pride, and ever loving innocence?
The world hates innocence.
~Darrian