Blah.
New year, right? Whoo. Terrifying, more like.
Been reading a lot. Thinking, and whatnot. It's a bad habit, but whatever. Yay stream of conciousness!
Gah. I hate that term, and those stupid kids that think they're good at English because they get good grades in Tisdale's class. I hate how I can't put into words everything that comes to mind- despite the fact that the perfect words are out there, somewhere- and I'm just not focused enough to find them. Fuck.
And her? FUCK. I hate people pushing their noses into my buisness- and how I'm not supposed to have a god damn opinion of how people want to treat me when I haven't done anything to them!
Kay, so she's homophobic, despite the fact that I'm not gay, and hates "false idol worshippers". The hell?! If I were fucking hindu would it be any better? Right, as long as it's something the fucking government hasn't told you that you have to accept, right? Fucking witchcraft isn't under your, "I can get sued for my behavior" clauses, is it? If you're going to fucking judge me, be it on actual offenses I've made, please. I'm careless, can't drive, and have a possessive streak that can beat the fucking lightbringer-
The fuck does my being pagan or wiccan or WHO THE FUCK I FALL IN LOVE WITH have to do with your obese, fucking underachieving getting-nowhere-in-life jackassery?
Ch? What the fuck? Am I not supposed to be offended that some bitch hates me because of things that aren't any of her god damned buisness? Who the fuck gives you the right to go holier than thou on me, when you fucking *know* you're no better? It's one thing to be hated by the ignorant, it's one fucking other to have the gossiper and the indecisive pass jugdement on me that I've no fucking right to be righteously pissed off on things that are completely irrelevant to life!
I don't go flaunting the fact that I'm pagan or wiccan or what have you- I'll flaunt the fact that I'm not a fan of Jesus' fanclub, but then again- who the fuck is these days? Chelsea, you don't go to church anymore. You don't pray. You swear, you want a boyfriend for the sake of having someone to make out with, and you drive more recklessly than a secondly schitzophrenic bat.
And *You*? You know exactly what she said about me, and it's fucking bad enough that you won't repeat it- but you'll look down on me for being angry that someone's trying to exert control over my life that fucking no one has the right to? Yes, I HAD A GIRLFRIEND- it of course doesn't matter one flying fuck that I'm the one left in the emotional wreck after everything, that I'm the one left picking up the pieces, that I'm the fucking one who thinks that maybe- FUCKING MAYBE- tomorrow's worth getting out of bed for after everything's said and done, because that was one blow to my self esteem that I really couldn't handle, or that none of you ave a damn what happened before during or fucking after. You two *knew* i was miserable, and not fucking ONCE was i asked why, or who was making me that way, or what the hell as going on.
Neither of you fucking helped me, and neither of you get to fucking decide what I should be doing with my life right now. If i don't want a date to Winter Ball, i won't have one- because maybe I need fucking TIME to get over everything that's happened. Maybe I don't WANT to jump into bed with the first guy that gives me a second look because getting your heart broken isn't something you recover from in a few days, or a few weeks, or god damn even a few months! Maybe I don't want some random nobody off the street to suck face with because I'm still bleeding, rather profusely, from the last random nobody who decided I wasn't worth their time! FUCK.
Leave off on how you think I should feel, or how you think your opinions are valid in any fucking way shape or form because you haven't the slightest RIGHT to anything that's going on in my head right now. I'm tired of you two thinking that everything you do is so fucking saintly that I should kiss the ground you walk on. What you read isn't the best fucking shit in the world, and neither's what you write. You act so fucking coy about Joe, and what? YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM. Where'll he be in five years? Two? Hell, even one? How dare you tell me I should be more like you when I *hate* half the morals you stand by?
Am I now less of a girl, a woman- because I don't want to put out? Fuck you. It's hard enough to make my choices, I won't have you insulting me, challenging them at every fucking turn.
Yeah, you can cry on me if you bloody well and want to- but fuck if I want to talk, or cry, or need space from *my* family. No, that can't be had. Fuck you all. At least with Cory, he's upfront about all he can give me- and he doesn't scorn the fact that I'm still hurting, or need maybe just a bit more careful attention than I would have, before. Yes, that means you two don't have the right to insult him whenever you fucking please, because god damn, if he's not twenty fucking times the loyal friend you can hope to be.
God, I hate getting up some mornings.
~Darrian
Been reading a lot. Thinking, and whatnot. It's a bad habit, but whatever. Yay stream of conciousness!
Gah. I hate that term, and those stupid kids that think they're good at English because they get good grades in Tisdale's class. I hate how I can't put into words everything that comes to mind- despite the fact that the perfect words are out there, somewhere- and I'm just not focused enough to find them. Fuck.
And her? FUCK. I hate people pushing their noses into my buisness- and how I'm not supposed to have a god damn opinion of how people want to treat me when I haven't done anything to them!
Kay, so she's homophobic, despite the fact that I'm not gay, and hates "false idol worshippers". The hell?! If I were fucking hindu would it be any better? Right, as long as it's something the fucking government hasn't told you that you have to accept, right? Fucking witchcraft isn't under your, "I can get sued for my behavior" clauses, is it? If you're going to fucking judge me, be it on actual offenses I've made, please. I'm careless, can't drive, and have a possessive streak that can beat the fucking lightbringer-
The fuck does my being pagan or wiccan or WHO THE FUCK I FALL IN LOVE WITH have to do with your obese, fucking underachieving getting-nowhere-in-life jackassery?
Ch? What the fuck? Am I not supposed to be offended that some bitch hates me because of things that aren't any of her god damned buisness? Who the fuck gives you the right to go holier than thou on me, when you fucking *know* you're no better? It's one thing to be hated by the ignorant, it's one fucking other to have the gossiper and the indecisive pass jugdement on me that I've no fucking right to be righteously pissed off on things that are completely irrelevant to life!
I don't go flaunting the fact that I'm pagan or wiccan or what have you- I'll flaunt the fact that I'm not a fan of Jesus' fanclub, but then again- who the fuck is these days? Chelsea, you don't go to church anymore. You don't pray. You swear, you want a boyfriend for the sake of having someone to make out with, and you drive more recklessly than a secondly schitzophrenic bat.
And *You*? You know exactly what she said about me, and it's fucking bad enough that you won't repeat it- but you'll look down on me for being angry that someone's trying to exert control over my life that fucking no one has the right to? Yes, I HAD A GIRLFRIEND- it of course doesn't matter one flying fuck that I'm the one left in the emotional wreck after everything, that I'm the one left picking up the pieces, that I'm the fucking one who thinks that maybe- FUCKING MAYBE- tomorrow's worth getting out of bed for after everything's said and done, because that was one blow to my self esteem that I really couldn't handle, or that none of you ave a damn what happened before during or fucking after. You two *knew* i was miserable, and not fucking ONCE was i asked why, or who was making me that way, or what the hell as going on.
Neither of you fucking helped me, and neither of you get to fucking decide what I should be doing with my life right now. If i don't want a date to Winter Ball, i won't have one- because maybe I need fucking TIME to get over everything that's happened. Maybe I don't WANT to jump into bed with the first guy that gives me a second look because getting your heart broken isn't something you recover from in a few days, or a few weeks, or god damn even a few months! Maybe I don't want some random nobody off the street to suck face with because I'm still bleeding, rather profusely, from the last random nobody who decided I wasn't worth their time! FUCK.
Leave off on how you think I should feel, or how you think your opinions are valid in any fucking way shape or form because you haven't the slightest RIGHT to anything that's going on in my head right now. I'm tired of you two thinking that everything you do is so fucking saintly that I should kiss the ground you walk on. What you read isn't the best fucking shit in the world, and neither's what you write. You act so fucking coy about Joe, and what? YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM. Where'll he be in five years? Two? Hell, even one? How dare you tell me I should be more like you when I *hate* half the morals you stand by?
Am I now less of a girl, a woman- because I don't want to put out? Fuck you. It's hard enough to make my choices, I won't have you insulting me, challenging them at every fucking turn.
Yeah, you can cry on me if you bloody well and want to- but fuck if I want to talk, or cry, or need space from *my* family. No, that can't be had. Fuck you all. At least with Cory, he's upfront about all he can give me- and he doesn't scorn the fact that I'm still hurting, or need maybe just a bit more careful attention than I would have, before. Yes, that means you two don't have the right to insult him whenever you fucking please, because god damn, if he's not twenty fucking times the loyal friend you can hope to be.
God, I hate getting up some mornings.
~Darrian