What Happens Now?
It's strange when one comes to the realization that you really do *hate* people.
I have at least three kids chasing after me- and I've had others, in the past, and I can't remember welcoming any of the advances. It's not just that it was *those* people. It's just that I can't stand it when people are friendly to me without telling me *why*.
I didn't mind flirting with Robert until I knew he had a crush on me.
I didn't mind Melody telling me I was pretty.
I didn't mind talking to Lyle at all hours of the morning.
I didn't mind Tim stuttering.
And afterwards, I do. I can't stand people. I'm not a people person. Yeah- in theory, it's great- finding someone you can love and cherish forever, with no worries about how they think less of you for this, or compare you to x person for that. It's great, in theory.
Truth is, I'm never going to find someone who makes me comfortable. Who doesn't flirt around, who doesn't hug or kiss or grope other people, who doesn't think about anyone but *me*. I'm never going to find that, I'm not stupid enough to think my expectations can be met by the kids here. I'm not going through another, you did, no you did, two year drama. It's not worth it. Companionship, at the end of the day, is worthless if you're insecure, doubting, paranoid, and helpless to convey it.
I wish people would just leave me alone.
~Darrian
I have at least three kids chasing after me- and I've had others, in the past, and I can't remember welcoming any of the advances. It's not just that it was *those* people. It's just that I can't stand it when people are friendly to me without telling me *why*.
I didn't mind flirting with Robert until I knew he had a crush on me.
I didn't mind Melody telling me I was pretty.
I didn't mind talking to Lyle at all hours of the morning.
I didn't mind Tim stuttering.
And afterwards, I do. I can't stand people. I'm not a people person. Yeah- in theory, it's great- finding someone you can love and cherish forever, with no worries about how they think less of you for this, or compare you to x person for that. It's great, in theory.
Truth is, I'm never going to find someone who makes me comfortable. Who doesn't flirt around, who doesn't hug or kiss or grope other people, who doesn't think about anyone but *me*. I'm never going to find that, I'm not stupid enough to think my expectations can be met by the kids here. I'm not going through another, you did, no you did, two year drama. It's not worth it. Companionship, at the end of the day, is worthless if you're insecure, doubting, paranoid, and helpless to convey it.
I wish people would just leave me alone.
~Darrian