{sigh} ranting thought splurge. not to be taken personally {sigh}
have any of you ever had the feeling that there is no point in trying? that is the feeling every time i go to class. there is no reason for me to try, because i can miss weeks of poli sci and get enough out of the review to get a 3.3 on the exam.
i haven't actually listened ot my econ proffesor talk in a month. i do not even know if we have had an exam, or if it is coming, when it is. shit, i even go on the "webct" thing that is supposed to tell us what the schedule is like for our classes. it is supposively mandatory that the proffesors post the schedule on this. they do not even have a rubric up on it. whatever, and i pay a shit load of money to go to a school that is less challeging than middle school. in rhetoric 150 (the supposively "entry level college writing class") we are learning about commas. the fucking foriegn children grasp it better than most of the class. it is fucking embarrassing everytime the teacher asks me how i figured out were to put the comma. as if it is hard. what a bunch of fucking morons.
and to think that i fucked off all of high school. i should have paid more attention, and actually got into a school worth going too. i see people from high school who graduated with me, and they ask me all these dumbass questions. they never said 5 words to me in high school, why start now? as if i give a shit aobut were they go to school, or "next time you are in East Lansing, stop by". yeah fucking right {why wouldn't i go see zack, colin (his roommate, who is nicer to me than people i have known since primary school) or aaron (one of the coolest guys i have ever met)?}.
these people seem happy in there chosen path so far. is that because they are shallow minded, fuck-offs, who only live for the next thursday through early sunday drunken stupor (and occasional sex binge), so they can feel slightly less worthless in the eyes of other drunken collegate assholes? must i live in a alcohol, or drug induced, stupor, so that i can feel like less of a failure. will i ever figure out what it is that i would like to do with my live, as a career? to be perfectly honest, i really enjoy nothing. nothing even really sparks any emotional response anymore. the only emotion i feel is the one i made up. the "i told you that this was going to happen". it is a very depressing one, because i tell them what is going to happen and they still drop the ball like a lions wide reciever.
i haven't had a meaningful conversation with a women who has even remotely intersted me in months. i just can't stand the bitch-entitlement complex that is rampant at OU (or any-were else). seriously, if my dad gave me the choice between and AUDI TT or staying home and NOT GOING TO MSU FOR 1 YEAR, my ass would be driving a midnight blue 4.2 lt hardtop tt, to east lansing, right the fuck now. all i hear is sob stories out of all my female friends. "waaaah, he treats me like dirt. we never do what i want to do. we never talk about anything, i hardly know who he is anymore. he was so nice to me in the beginning (ever wonder why?). i think he is cheating on me (Really?). he thinks that i don't like him because i won't fuck his brains out ("possibley" shallow men think this?)". sorry, darren doesn't speak whiney bitch. really. these are all easily solveable problems. demand results. put his balls in a vice. you do it around valentines day anyway, why not start early and get something worth having, like my emotional clarity. it is not hat i do not like helping. don't get me wrong. just don't disregard everything that i say. "yeah, but...", fuck off, try what i tell you. not like it could make the situation any worse. you are in high school. relationships are shit and only the very lucky actually find something in high school, let alone keep it for longer than it takes to get sexed up at a frat party.
about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago, people asked me how i was. i actually told the honest truth and told them that i felt like life was pointless and that i can never remember being this lonely in my entire life. and the shock and awe that ensued was ludacrous. to think that darren may not be, to put it elequently, "super-happy-psycho boy" all the time. people actually had the audacity to say "darren, you get sad?". NO, NEVER. what kind of question was that. this wouldn't be such a problem had i not been repressing my problems for so long. and who do i get to talk to. whenever i consider gracing another person with the privelge of revealing my secrets, i get lambasted by high school type drama (And not even from high schoolers. people just can't grow up). who am i to talk too? how will i soleve my problems, when we can't get passed your love life? and the question is: who really gives a fuck? does anyone give a shit about what bugs me? does anyone want to take time out of their life to help me, as i have done numerous times, and never thought twice about helping out a friend (who are we if friends are not family)? i think that i have spilled my guts to one person. mary cole. the sad part is that she failed completely and utterly to even listen properly. i think she tried, but the transitional period in her life between high school and going away to school was to much. i do not blame her, she showed that she actually cared (even if she couldn't actually help)were as others were, and are still, completely oblivious.
i haven't actually listened ot my econ proffesor talk in a month. i do not even know if we have had an exam, or if it is coming, when it is. shit, i even go on the "webct" thing that is supposed to tell us what the schedule is like for our classes. it is supposively mandatory that the proffesors post the schedule on this. they do not even have a rubric up on it. whatever, and i pay a shit load of money to go to a school that is less challeging than middle school. in rhetoric 150 (the supposively "entry level college writing class") we are learning about commas. the fucking foriegn children grasp it better than most of the class. it is fucking embarrassing everytime the teacher asks me how i figured out were to put the comma. as if it is hard. what a bunch of fucking morons.
and to think that i fucked off all of high school. i should have paid more attention, and actually got into a school worth going too. i see people from high school who graduated with me, and they ask me all these dumbass questions. they never said 5 words to me in high school, why start now? as if i give a shit aobut were they go to school, or "next time you are in East Lansing, stop by". yeah fucking right {why wouldn't i go see zack, colin (his roommate, who is nicer to me than people i have known since primary school) or aaron (one of the coolest guys i have ever met)?}.
these people seem happy in there chosen path so far. is that because they are shallow minded, fuck-offs, who only live for the next thursday through early sunday drunken stupor (and occasional sex binge), so they can feel slightly less worthless in the eyes of other drunken collegate assholes? must i live in a alcohol, or drug induced, stupor, so that i can feel like less of a failure. will i ever figure out what it is that i would like to do with my live, as a career? to be perfectly honest, i really enjoy nothing. nothing even really sparks any emotional response anymore. the only emotion i feel is the one i made up. the "i told you that this was going to happen". it is a very depressing one, because i tell them what is going to happen and they still drop the ball like a lions wide reciever.
i haven't had a meaningful conversation with a women who has even remotely intersted me in months. i just can't stand the bitch-entitlement complex that is rampant at OU (or any-were else). seriously, if my dad gave me the choice between and AUDI TT or staying home and NOT GOING TO MSU FOR 1 YEAR, my ass would be driving a midnight blue 4.2 lt hardtop tt, to east lansing, right the fuck now. all i hear is sob stories out of all my female friends. "waaaah, he treats me like dirt. we never do what i want to do. we never talk about anything, i hardly know who he is anymore. he was so nice to me in the beginning (ever wonder why?). i think he is cheating on me (Really?). he thinks that i don't like him because i won't fuck his brains out ("possibley" shallow men think this?)". sorry, darren doesn't speak whiney bitch. really. these are all easily solveable problems. demand results. put his balls in a vice. you do it around valentines day anyway, why not start early and get something worth having, like my emotional clarity. it is not hat i do not like helping. don't get me wrong. just don't disregard everything that i say. "yeah, but...", fuck off, try what i tell you. not like it could make the situation any worse. you are in high school. relationships are shit and only the very lucky actually find something in high school, let alone keep it for longer than it takes to get sexed up at a frat party.
about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago, people asked me how i was. i actually told the honest truth and told them that i felt like life was pointless and that i can never remember being this lonely in my entire life. and the shock and awe that ensued was ludacrous. to think that darren may not be, to put it elequently, "super-happy-psycho boy" all the time. people actually had the audacity to say "darren, you get sad?". NO, NEVER. what kind of question was that. this wouldn't be such a problem had i not been repressing my problems for so long. and who do i get to talk to. whenever i consider gracing another person with the privelge of revealing my secrets, i get lambasted by high school type drama (And not even from high schoolers. people just can't grow up). who am i to talk too? how will i soleve my problems, when we can't get passed your love life? and the question is: who really gives a fuck? does anyone give a shit about what bugs me? does anyone want to take time out of their life to help me, as i have done numerous times, and never thought twice about helping out a friend (who are we if friends are not family)? i think that i have spilled my guts to one person. mary cole. the sad part is that she failed completely and utterly to even listen properly. i think she tried, but the transitional period in her life between high school and going away to school was to much. i do not blame her, she showed that she actually cared (even if she couldn't actually help)were as others were, and are still, completely oblivious.