tomorrow, tomorrow
i guess now isn't the best time to start talking philosophy. i have to be up at 9am (that's early for me shut up), it's my birthday and i have work to do (both academic and professional). but hey. it's been a long time between drinks over here at the ole' livejournal. we're old friends.
a friend of mine started talking about karma. i dunno. it's not an idea i had given much thought. i used to see order and beauty and all that sappy stuff everywhere in the world. i had this eternal belief that just sitting back and taking things as they come would even out in the end; i'd end up happy, and those people that genuinely were fucks would one day have to face up to themselves. i know this sounds somewhat like karma but it's kinda not.
the last few months for me can be pretty accurately summed up by the word 'apathy.' (an uncomfortable realisation for me as i told a friend of mine that she neeeded to 'get some apathy into her'). but just recently - the last few weeks - i honestly think i have started to turn things around. sure, it's baby steps, but it's a start. the monotony still gets to me, and i still feel like my degree is worthless (maybe this was inevitable?), but at least now the overwhelming angst is being replaced by pretty constant contentment, with only episodic desperation.
maybe this is something to do with me having found something like an adequate vent for my feelings (in a few different people), or maybe it's the realisation that most other people feel the same way i do, or at least that this is pretty common for people my age. maybe other people were just bringing me down with them. what do i know - at least i've decided to take responsibility for my own feelings now.
i suppose the outlook you have of the world really influences who you are as a person. i learnt that the hard way (or maybe it's the easy way); usually if you act the way you feel, things will turn out for the better...at least in the long run. if you have something to say, say it. it might get you into trouble, but at least it filters out those who have you around for the wrong reasons. if you take it like that, there's a positive side to everything.
i'm sure i began this entry with some kind of clearer purpose, some idea that needed to be articulated. i have confidence that my ideas are worth as much as anybody else's, so fuck you if you think this is being pretentious or whatever. if i seem cynical, or sarcastic, or bitter, you're mistaken. well, maybe you're not. it's just me trying to have a laugh. some people appreciate it, others don't - if you are one of the latter then maybe we're just not meant for each other.
i have constructed a pretty narrow impression of myself over the last while, through the way i act around people i don't know, how i pigeon-hole myself regarding music and socialising, and in some cases, how i've treated those that mean a lot to me. all i can do is apologise if i messed up, and offer that i was just doing the best i could at the time. but we all have our moments, and i think i'm on the end of mine for now.
i've missed you, livejournal.
peace.
a friend of mine started talking about karma. i dunno. it's not an idea i had given much thought. i used to see order and beauty and all that sappy stuff everywhere in the world. i had this eternal belief that just sitting back and taking things as they come would even out in the end; i'd end up happy, and those people that genuinely were fucks would one day have to face up to themselves. i know this sounds somewhat like karma but it's kinda not.
the last few months for me can be pretty accurately summed up by the word 'apathy.' (an uncomfortable realisation for me as i told a friend of mine that she neeeded to 'get some apathy into her'). but just recently - the last few weeks - i honestly think i have started to turn things around. sure, it's baby steps, but it's a start. the monotony still gets to me, and i still feel like my degree is worthless (maybe this was inevitable?), but at least now the overwhelming angst is being replaced by pretty constant contentment, with only episodic desperation.
maybe this is something to do with me having found something like an adequate vent for my feelings (in a few different people), or maybe it's the realisation that most other people feel the same way i do, or at least that this is pretty common for people my age. maybe other people were just bringing me down with them. what do i know - at least i've decided to take responsibility for my own feelings now.
i suppose the outlook you have of the world really influences who you are as a person. i learnt that the hard way (or maybe it's the easy way); usually if you act the way you feel, things will turn out for the better...at least in the long run. if you have something to say, say it. it might get you into trouble, but at least it filters out those who have you around for the wrong reasons. if you take it like that, there's a positive side to everything.
i'm sure i began this entry with some kind of clearer purpose, some idea that needed to be articulated. i have confidence that my ideas are worth as much as anybody else's, so fuck you if you think this is being pretentious or whatever. if i seem cynical, or sarcastic, or bitter, you're mistaken. well, maybe you're not. it's just me trying to have a laugh. some people appreciate it, others don't - if you are one of the latter then maybe we're just not meant for each other.
i have constructed a pretty narrow impression of myself over the last while, through the way i act around people i don't know, how i pigeon-hole myself regarding music and socialising, and in some cases, how i've treated those that mean a lot to me. all i can do is apologise if i messed up, and offer that i was just doing the best i could at the time. but we all have our moments, and i think i'm on the end of mine for now.
i've missed you, livejournal.
peace.