Let's See if I Can Remember How to Use This Thing
While I mostly use Facebook nowadays, I needed to write something a bit more personal. But I also needed to get it out there. So, if you can handle family drama, read on.
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It's awful how much shitty treatment you've had from your family. Regardless of what your cousins thought, it was especially awful for your cousin to tell you they 'never liked you coming to visit.' What on earth was the goal in that? What possible good could that do? Sounds like just one more way of treating you poorly, and I'm sad that it has tainted your fond memories of visiting them in the past. I may not be blood family, but I am definitely your friend, and I can't begin to conceive of how any of this could be your 'fault'. Protectively speaking, I think they're all just assholes, and not worth your worry. Realistically, it may just be that you didn't quite connect for whatever combination of reasons. Family is one of the ways the Universe challenges us. Pema Chodron had an excellent point in one of her books, which I'll paraphrase. Essentially, whatever we're given in this life can be used one of two ways - to wake us up, or to put us to sleep. Whether we're given poverty or wealth, love or violence, all are just tools. They're our starting pieces in the game. Bad experiences can either close you down and shut you off, or you can let them be a wake-up call and a springboard into higher and better experiences. I'm very sorry you were treated so poorly, and that you are hurt and sad. I won't annihilate your feelings by saying, "just suck it up and move on." I will say that the good news is that these things are in the past. You get to choose whether or not to continue bad relationships, even with family. You can love them from a safe distance, honor your own dignity and surround yourself with people who elevate you rather than knock you down. Learn from the past, but don't let it chain you. You are awesome, Patrick. And you are worth it.
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