(no subject)
I cant believe I'm 'here'....here/ where is here. what the hell is going on. I'm stuck on a merry go round. people watching my every move as I uncontrollably ball my eyes out and sitting there somehow soaking in the possibility of the end of a relationship that is just getting started in my eyes. I'm playing the what if game. If I only loved him more. If I didn't leave like that today. I didn't mean to go. I love you I love you. Without your presence I am lost. I need you in my life. How can I try harder. I never want to hear the words I'm breaking up with you. I'm not ready. I'm the one who says goodbye. how could I even almost lose you. I could I be that person who you don't want to be around. I love you I love please don't go I'll try harder.
I'm so confused and didn't think he would say it. I know he is so serious. It breaks my heart, that feeling I loathe so much. The feeling I am always running from.
happy birthday to me!...the birthday blues came over me yesterday. I always have this expectation of wanting good company that day I only ever want a night out in town to go to some happy place with lots of mood. I grieve for the friends that are gone now.
he gave me a ring.
I miss him so selfishly, even though he is only in the other room.
I'm so confused and didn't think he would say it. I know he is so serious. It breaks my heart, that feeling I loathe so much. The feeling I am always running from.
happy birthday to me!...the birthday blues came over me yesterday. I always have this expectation of wanting good company that day I only ever want a night out in town to go to some happy place with lots of mood. I grieve for the friends that are gone now.
he gave me a ring.
I miss him so selfishly, even though he is only in the other room.