I fell off the bandwagon yesterday...
when I slipped on a KFC bowl and broke my fall on some Lousiana Crunch cake. Yes. Yesterday was not a good day. I've realized when I get upset or stressed and start thinking too many negative thoughts I wish the world would crumble around me and I could die. Since that doesn't happen, I turn to food. This also happens when I am bored.
I spent most of the weekend on ebay, bidding on mac pc's for school. It stressed me out, knowing that right now I can't afford something with real power. This led to thoughts of my unemployment ending soon, which brought on more thoughts of "OMG, what am I going to do", which came to a complete crash at "IS THIS MY LIFE??? WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
That opened up the flood gates. I didn't care about me, my health and my promise. I had a KFC bowl, a HUGE chuck of Louisiana crunch cake and a frozen pizza. I didn't eat it all at once, in case you're wondering. Which makes it worse. After I ate the bowl I was like "fuck it, it's just a bowl" and then I started feeling guilty. I started thinking "Well, there goes the diet, I couldn't even commit for more than 2 days."
What made me feel even worse was the fact that I hadn't touched those frozen pizza's in over 3 weeks. Last night, I felt like I had failed. As if eating that stuff automatically erased all the other things I had done to get to where I was. I feel different this morning. I'm seeign this experience, not as a failed attempt at the diet, but as a lesson about how my feelings are connected to my eating habits and how I deal with things.
I messed up one day, I knew it would happen, I was shocked it happened this early in the game, but it's ok. I'm going to add it to my "lesson learned rolodex" and move on. So I guess I'm back on the bandwagon. I just wish this little bit of guilt I feel for messing up yesterday will go away. I know I'm not going to eat crap to make myself feel better about it, like I used to do.
I spent most of the weekend on ebay, bidding on mac pc's for school. It stressed me out, knowing that right now I can't afford something with real power. This led to thoughts of my unemployment ending soon, which brought on more thoughts of "OMG, what am I going to do", which came to a complete crash at "IS THIS MY LIFE??? WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
That opened up the flood gates. I didn't care about me, my health and my promise. I had a KFC bowl, a HUGE chuck of Louisiana crunch cake and a frozen pizza. I didn't eat it all at once, in case you're wondering. Which makes it worse. After I ate the bowl I was like "fuck it, it's just a bowl" and then I started feeling guilty. I started thinking "Well, there goes the diet, I couldn't even commit for more than 2 days."
What made me feel even worse was the fact that I hadn't touched those frozen pizza's in over 3 weeks. Last night, I felt like I had failed. As if eating that stuff automatically erased all the other things I had done to get to where I was. I feel different this morning. I'm seeign this experience, not as a failed attempt at the diet, but as a lesson about how my feelings are connected to my eating habits and how I deal with things.
I messed up one day, I knew it would happen, I was shocked it happened this early in the game, but it's ok. I'm going to add it to my "lesson learned rolodex" and move on. So I guess I'm back on the bandwagon. I just wish this little bit of guilt I feel for messing up yesterday will go away. I know I'm not going to eat crap to make myself feel better about it, like I used to do.