"should i stay or should i go now?"

[darlingnici]

ok the america plans continue! ok firstly i was ment to fly over to mike but he wants me there like yesturday! i really dont wanna fly alone so i get some of my friends to fly with me, they then tell me they cant come, lack of funds £££ so its back to me flyin alone again, now as the time gets closer n closer i get more n more scared! to the point of its gettin me down, hurtin my head n makin me feel sick, i mean i dont mind flyin, i like goin on planes but i cant handle doin such a big thing on my own! then outa the blue mike says he's gunna come get me! wooohoooo he can meet my folks, see london n then look after me while i cry my eyes out on the plane on the way home! great idea i thinks!!! get all excited! my biggest fear has gone! then he tells me he cant do it n if i really wanna be with him then ill fly by myself no worries! well i can see where he's comin from n i do love him to death but i really cannot step foot on a plane by myself! i really cant, the thought of it scares me, n so now, well now im left with a choice! do i do it n grow the fuck up, get on the plane n have the worst 12 hours of my life, keepin the thought of my boy in mind the whole way or not do it? NO i cant not be with him! or do i save my ass off, maybe put it off another month or two n fly him over here to get me? GOD i really cant deal with this, all the pressure is on me n i cant take no more, i never let on to mike tho coz he has enuff to deal with back home but i feel like its all on me, im leavin my home n my job n my family n goin to an airport for 4 hours then a plane for 8 hours all by myself! n if i dont or i cant then he think its because i dont love him enuff! well im close to breakin point tryin to arrange stuff here! ohhhhhhh i cant tell him that tho, i dont want him to dout me!
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wot to do wot to do ?!!!!
HELP ME!!!