(no subject)
people are confusing but you godda love em anyway.. life right now is interesting.. havent talked to jay in a couple of days cause he had stuff to do in Yorktown or whatever.. alot of weapons and others are having their ups and downs.. saw heather again for the first time in a long time at ekris house the other night.. fun fun.. missed her lol. watched the hot goth dude movie and then he turned preppy..ewie.. lol then yeah.. it was fun with the exception of having to keep silence with someone.. i honestly dont mind the silence between us just its gonna be alil strange until i get used to it.. not sure if he is or anything but its just something to get used to because the things that i have said.. not said ..texted so far have not helped this at all.. justin told me to stand up and talk to him face to face but im scared to, not only to face a harsh truth but just that i have to talk to him..im scared what will come out of it and i dont believe i have anything new or not heard yet to say .. he said that i sound miserable or said when im around everyone cause i dont have the strength to talk to him.. david and mel told me that if i talked to him and like apoligized and shit that it woudlnt be as bad.. but what they dont understand is i did apoligize maybe not to his face and maybe thats what he wants but i dont know what he wants and ill never know so why even ask or something along those lines.. maybe this makes no sense but to try to win someone over with talking to them is not my greatest ability.. honestly its not even a trait i possess, i can hardly put into words what im thinking most of the time so how can i help something that i dont understand.. bottom line i cant.. i guess i never tried hard enough or long enough or thought about it with enough consideration and i bet it has been explained in many different ways and terms but i still dont know.. i cant beg for forgiveness and any of that because in my eyes i did do something wrong.. not intentional but it doesnt have to be intentional to hurt someone.. i didnt know what was going on with him , i only knew what i was thinking and feeling and it wasnt the same thing.. even if he ever reads this he wouldnt even take it into consideration because of stubburn ways that are strong enough to block out each others feeling or what thier trying to explain.. im not looking for him to response in anyway.. not looking for hatred comments or the best response in the world of his feeling or anything .. this is a journal none the less if its a public one.. i just wanted to say what i was feeling because i felt like it and wanted to write it out so i would have a release on something.. anyone could response is opinions or anything but i never told someone to i never was looking for "omg how could you say that" or "that is so not true".. its not whats true or a lie because these are MY feelings and MY opinion.. honestly if anyone disagrees go right ahead and write a response but its not going to change my thoughts and feelings or my opnion of you.. if my closest friend or something thinks that i shouldnt feel that way then its thier own opinion and wouldnt change the way i feel about them, i might think about what you say but most likely i wont care.. i wont and really dont care anymore.. i may be hearing the same thing over and over again but its not really sticking with me most of the time..
other then that things are decent.. i just want school to start sooo badly.. i want senior year to be over with and i want to be exempt from my exams.. lol a dream but it could happen.. and i want my feelings to be shown.. so yeah now im home after an interesting day going to change and talk to mi padre about things and yeah.. oh grreat i got work tomorrow from 12-7 instead of 2:30 -7 stupid grrrrz.... they call tonight... i bet chrissy couldnt make it or something.. oh well ill do.. it means more money which is always a good thing.. im honestly trying to save the money and everything but its not exactly working to plan but ill do it and then hopefully sometime shortly ill save like 120 and go down to virginia with tatter.. i miss her already and i miss justin.. its commmon to feel this way but looking at mike and heather and like juz and vlad hurt today knowing i dont know the next chance ill get to be with him and my friends or anything like that.. he might be coming up mid sept but i dont know anymore.. im not getting my hopes up again and i am getting a control on my outbreaks..i miss him but at the same time i understand so its hard to put pressure on someone like that..like i seriously almost got mad last week when he told me that he couldnt come cause they changed his duties... key word almost because that would be stupid to be pissed off cause he couldnt help it.. now that i think of it.. when he does come up here, i dont know for how long ill see him.. its not like im going to try to keep him all to myself the whole time.. hell no.. just he has to see his family and friends and honeslty i dont think i should be so high on that list who to see for the longest time becuase of how close he is to them and me.. i dont know.. trying not to think about it so much because thats just.. wrong lol.. and gonna go do the shit i said i was going to... shortly...still reading angels and demons... amazing book justdidnt get that far.. and i've been reading it for awhile..not much time or just lazy to pick it up..yeah during this school year its alil good that jsutin wont be here so much so i absolutely know that i have an attention span to last me finishing applications and homework for school, knowing that if he was here i would tryign to do all that stuff, but prob not to the best of my ability.. omg we godda send that shit out by late october and shit .. DAMMIT... godda go NOW..
Ps if anyone wants to help me with algebra 2 this year please let me know.. i got di bella and i heard he wasnt the greatest math teacher.. like mr. k .. doesnt really teach anything.. dammit i need help.
Dreams - Descendents
Why do I daydream?
Why do I get my hopes up at all?
I've been living this Walter Mitty life
For too long
Somebody save me
I'm a prisoner of my own fear
Sometimes fantasy is the only
Thought I can bear
My mind is a dream-filled balloon
Dripping dreams into my shoes
And I'm too afraid to move
To face the real world
And when I fall, I fall down hard
When will I ever learn?
Don’t take your dreams to heart
You’ll only wind up getting
Burned
Maybe I'm lazy
But circumstances always knock me down
So I'll just lie here, never get up
Off the ground
But maybe it’s crazy
To sit and think of all the things I wanna do
What’s the use in dreaming when dreams
Never come true?
And when I fall, I fall down hard
When will I ever learn?
Don’t take your dreams to heart
You’ll only wind up getting
Burned
Why do I daydream?
Why do I daydream?
Why do I bother?
Why?
Time to get up off your ass
Pull your head out - take a chance
Grab whatever you can grab
'Cause there’s no such thing…
No such thing
Wonderwall- Oasis <3
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall <3
KEEP ROLLIN', ROLLIN' ROLLIN'.... is that an ice cream truck, yeah cause i feel like ice cream.. is it illegal to park behind you.. DnD bitches grr lol
other then that things are decent.. i just want school to start sooo badly.. i want senior year to be over with and i want to be exempt from my exams.. lol a dream but it could happen.. and i want my feelings to be shown.. so yeah now im home after an interesting day going to change and talk to mi padre about things and yeah.. oh grreat i got work tomorrow from 12-7 instead of 2:30 -7 stupid grrrrz.... they call tonight... i bet chrissy couldnt make it or something.. oh well ill do.. it means more money which is always a good thing.. im honestly trying to save the money and everything but its not exactly working to plan but ill do it and then hopefully sometime shortly ill save like 120 and go down to virginia with tatter.. i miss her already and i miss justin.. its commmon to feel this way but looking at mike and heather and like juz and vlad hurt today knowing i dont know the next chance ill get to be with him and my friends or anything like that.. he might be coming up mid sept but i dont know anymore.. im not getting my hopes up again and i am getting a control on my outbreaks..i miss him but at the same time i understand so its hard to put pressure on someone like that..like i seriously almost got mad last week when he told me that he couldnt come cause they changed his duties... key word almost because that would be stupid to be pissed off cause he couldnt help it.. now that i think of it.. when he does come up here, i dont know for how long ill see him.. its not like im going to try to keep him all to myself the whole time.. hell no.. just he has to see his family and friends and honeslty i dont think i should be so high on that list who to see for the longest time becuase of how close he is to them and me.. i dont know.. trying not to think about it so much because thats just.. wrong lol.. and gonna go do the shit i said i was going to... shortly...still reading angels and demons... amazing book justdidnt get that far.. and i've been reading it for awhile..not much time or just lazy to pick it up..yeah during this school year its alil good that jsutin wont be here so much so i absolutely know that i have an attention span to last me finishing applications and homework for school, knowing that if he was here i would tryign to do all that stuff, but prob not to the best of my ability.. omg we godda send that shit out by late october and shit .. DAMMIT... godda go NOW..
Ps if anyone wants to help me with algebra 2 this year please let me know.. i got di bella and i heard he wasnt the greatest math teacher.. like mr. k .. doesnt really teach anything.. dammit i need help.
Dreams - Descendents
Why do I daydream?
Why do I get my hopes up at all?
I've been living this Walter Mitty life
For too long
Somebody save me
I'm a prisoner of my own fear
Sometimes fantasy is the only
Thought I can bear
My mind is a dream-filled balloon
Dripping dreams into my shoes
And I'm too afraid to move
To face the real world
And when I fall, I fall down hard
When will I ever learn?
Don’t take your dreams to heart
You’ll only wind up getting
Burned
Maybe I'm lazy
But circumstances always knock me down
So I'll just lie here, never get up
Off the ground
But maybe it’s crazy
To sit and think of all the things I wanna do
What’s the use in dreaming when dreams
Never come true?
And when I fall, I fall down hard
When will I ever learn?
Don’t take your dreams to heart
You’ll only wind up getting
Burned
Why do I daydream?
Why do I daydream?
Why do I bother?
Why?
Time to get up off your ass
Pull your head out - take a chance
Grab whatever you can grab
'Cause there’s no such thing…
No such thing
Wonderwall- Oasis <3
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall <3
KEEP ROLLIN', ROLLIN' ROLLIN'.... is that an ice cream truck, yeah cause i feel like ice cream.. is it illegal to park behind you.. DnD bitches grr lol