2012

Nov 19, 2009 22:29

So, I just saw 2012. It was pretty much what I expected: actionactionaction ooohshiny endoftheworldissocoolYAY. The kind of movie you watch when you want to turn your brain off for a while.

But then I started thinking about the ending a bit too much and, well. Skeeeeeeevy.


We have two families:

Family A is the brave American family. It has a loser author/action hero dad and two kids (an older boy and a girl) who live with their mother and her new man.

Family B is a messed up Russian family. It has a stinking rich dad, his bratty twin sons and daddy's pretty, blonde and much younger girlfriend. There's also a handsome Russian pilot.

Guess who die?

*waits while you think (not too deeply I hope)*

You're right!

The Russian pilot gets the axe first.
Then mommy's new man.
Then the Russian billionaire.
Then the Russian blonde.

Guess how they die?

*waits*

You knew it!

The pilot sacrifices himself to save the others.
Mommy's new man falls accidentally.
The billionaire sacrifices himself to save his sons.
The blonde drowns after saving the little American girl.

Guess what we find out after the pilot dies?

*waits*

That's right! He was having an affair with the blonde! The billionaire knew and because of that, didn't buy the blonde a ticket to the Big Ship.

Guess why the billionaire had to sacrifice himself?

*waits*

Right! Because they couldn't get into the Big Ship either! And when they could, he had just enough time to literally throw his sons in.

Guess what happens to the boys in the final scene?

*waits*

OMG, you're, like, awesome for knowing this! They've learned to share their stuff!

And guess what happens to the brave American family?

*wai- oh what the hell, we all knew this would happen as soon as we learned about their family situation.

After all of 27 days, mommy and daddy are together again! Forget the fact that mommy's new man died less than a month ago. After all, she loved him just "enough".

2/5 Russians and 4/5 Americans survive. Those who died were homewreckers and/or unpleasant persons. COULD THE ANVILS BE ANY HEAVIER?

I'm just glad that the hot Buddhist monk, his brother and their parents (or were they their grandparents) survived.

No, wait! The brother was seriously injured and (indirectly and not on purpose) because of him, the Big Ship almost sunk. And the new man might have died because of him. Frankly, I was paying more attention to the shiny than little details like that.

I probably wouldn't even need to mention this, but I will. The men were in charge of everything. The women were either useless or mother figures. What annoyed me the most was that when they all were on a plane, the men were the only ones whose opinion mattered. Trouble in the horizon? Call all the men to the cockpit! possible pun not intended The women can stay down and take care of the children.

In conclusion: note to self: don't think when you watch movies like this.

But think about the (American) film industry and how it enforces certain stereotypes and a certain kind of behaviour. Sinners to the lions etc.

rant, movies

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