(no subject)
as i sit here, trying to find distractions that will keep me awake at my desk at work, i studpidly fall for an MSN article on healthy eating.
this in turn led me to an online calculation of my BMI- which of course told me that i am (according to their standards) obese.
i recognize how ridiculous it is to take an online assessment as fact. i wont take IQ tests because i know it doesn't measure my intellegience fairly. yet i fall for the weight thing.
i am grateful for the awareness of my body shape and size, for the awareness of the medias ploy to get me to feel bad about not meeting their insane standards
i am grateful for the peace i've been able to make with my extra padding and thick thighs
and at the same time i am unquestionably filled with self-conscious, self-doubt, self-hatred.
i reprimand myself for eating that bagel this morning and not drinking light beer at the bar last night.
i make a solemn vow to love myself for who i am and the body i've been given while simultaneously planning the out the rest of the days meals so they don't include carbohydrates or cheese.
i make a conscious effort to never use the phrase "i am fat" or "i look fat" because i've yet to separate the negative surrounding that word.
i've managed to stop saying it aloud, to stop joining in on the "woe is me" self pitying parties my girlfriends have, yet its the first thing that runs through my mind when things dont seem to be going my way.
i'm tired of this oppression. im tired of wasting energy on this issue.
negative body image has infiltrated the minds and souls of women everywhere. The mission to fit these molds of beauty steals womens energy and time. instead of fighting the oppression, of spreading the word and spreading support and love, we remain in competition with each other and with our selves, fighting to get to the unattainable top and never truly satisfied with each mountain we conquer.
whats the solution?
(this isn't rhetorical)