band stuff and spirituality
Re: my previous post, okay so I finally DID get off my ass and go out. Only, when I went to make copies of my resumes (my printer is out of ink and I'm not wasting $60 on ink right now) the guy couldn't print them because they were saved in Microsoft Works. AUGH. Failllllllllll I fail.
At least I a) looked like a babe today (havin' a good hair day and my outfit was killer: short black paperbag shorts, loose flowy light grey v-neck top and long chain necklaces, plus black ankle boots), b) got cat food and me food, c) went for a walk.
So, because I was frustrated about the resume/printing ordeal, I came home and applied to a bunch of jobs online, including one that I found for a Department Manager at H&M (and I am totally and completely qualified, btw, which is a nice feeling). God wouldn't THAT be great.
IN other news: MOTHBREEDER has our first official band practice on Saturday. Rad!
I'm nervous because I haven't been in a band for so long or really even just jammed with anyone other than the stuff Dave and I were half-doing last year. I've gotta brush up on my skillz, yo! I've been diving right in, practicing along to "Kill 'Em All" because I need to make sure I get fast again, real quick.
If you wanna know what we're doing, it's along the lines of Disfear/Trap Them/Motorhead. Fast, loud, crusty punk metal.
So far Hamilton is doin' me right. I've got a band, I've got a bunch of different bars, I'm making rad new friends, I'm feeling creative and inspired to draw and make jewelery, I'm living downtown, I'm closer to my family, and it feels REALLY GOOD. I've had awesome, fun plans every weekend with awesome, fun people, and I just feel like being here is making me enjoy my life more. Other than the fact that I've been feeling super lazy, I am really, really happy since moving. I know this is where I am supposed to be right now.
***
Instead of making a big detailed post about this, which I don't really feel like doing, I'll just post about it in this entry:
Without getting into it too much, because it's a really personal thing for me, I've been looking for some sort of spirituality lately. I consider myself to be a spiritual person and there are things that I believe in, but I've never felt like I belonged to anything or any religion. Wicca and Paganism definitely have principles that coincide with a lot of my personal beliefs, but they still don't feel right. And of course I know that I am not required to affiliate myself with something that has a set of rules or guidelines, but I think I subconsciously want to feel like my beliefs fit in somewhere.
I grew up rebelling against religion and God because I felt at an early age that people were blind sheep for letting the Christian bible suppress their lives, and then when I was 17/18 I started to really think about what I believed in, and ever since then I've been craving knowledge and spiritual guidance - I went through a big buddhism phase after highschool, and was also reading up on Wiccan/Pagan beliefs - but nothing I've come across really hits home. I don't believe in judging people, I don't agree in capitalist religions, I think most organized religion is incredibly corrupt.
Which brings me to the fact that I have been getting very into North American aboriginal beliefs and spirituality. It's something that has always piqued my interest and these days I'm feeling more and more drawn to it for many reasons. One of the things that I've always thought was so beautiful about the native american belief system is that they are so accepting of all creatures on this earth. They don't discriminate, and they don't look down on others for their individual beliefs. There is no organized "religion". It is all about respecting Mother Earth and treating our fellow creatures (animals) with the same respect we would give to humans (if not, moreso). Animals are extremely revered and holy to them.
The other aspect that appeals to me is this: I am paralyzed with fear by Death. It is an issue that I have always had issues with, and when I think about dying I feel like vomiting. I grew up feeling like "when I'm dead, I'm dead. That's the end." These days, I'm not so sure, because I firmly believe in the spirit world, and I know that there is always energy all around us. And so I'd be stupid to think that death is the end. But I still wrestle with my issues. My friend dying last summer helped me to deal with certain things, and it opened up a whole book of things for me to contemplate and think about.
In the Native American belief system, when someone dies, it is only a shedding of their earthly body. Natives don't mourn death, because they feel that when a creature dies, it is never actually the end of their life. They're only shedding their physical form.
Anyway, there are a few public pow wows and drum circles that I plan on attending in the next few months, and I am going to keep researching their amazing history and beautiful legends/traditions. Being Canadian makes it much easier to access information and have the resources I need to dive into this stuff, because Canada is very supportive of Aboriginal Peoples and preserving their culture.
It's funny, and yet completely UNsurprising, that this is something I am getting into, because for one, ever since I was little I have always felt extremely connected to nature and when I'm surrounded by natural beauty and undisturbed landscapes, I feel this peace that I don't get from anything else in my life, and also, the thing that turned me spiritual when I was 17 was reading "Beautiful Losers" by Leonard Cohen. That is why that book is so important to me. It made me think about my beliefs, and their connection to nature and aboriginal spirituality, and helped me to ask so many questions that I was suppressing, and opened my eyes to the fact that you can be spiritual and not necessarily religious. And I thought that was amazing, and it made sense to me.
I don't want to talk about this much more right now because I find it extremely difficult/uncomfortable and weird to talk about my own spirituality for some reason. I also feel very uneloquent talking about this stuff, because I don't quite have certain things figured out and I'm just in learning mode right now.
But I just wanted to record it in here, and let you guys know what is goin' on with me.
"I got blistahs on me fingahs!"
At least I a) looked like a babe today (havin' a good hair day and my outfit was killer: short black paperbag shorts, loose flowy light grey v-neck top and long chain necklaces, plus black ankle boots), b) got cat food and me food, c) went for a walk.
So, because I was frustrated about the resume/printing ordeal, I came home and applied to a bunch of jobs online, including one that I found for a Department Manager at H&M (and I am totally and completely qualified, btw, which is a nice feeling). God wouldn't THAT be great.
IN other news: MOTHBREEDER has our first official band practice on Saturday. Rad!
I'm nervous because I haven't been in a band for so long or really even just jammed with anyone other than the stuff Dave and I were half-doing last year. I've gotta brush up on my skillz, yo! I've been diving right in, practicing along to "Kill 'Em All" because I need to make sure I get fast again, real quick.
If you wanna know what we're doing, it's along the lines of Disfear/Trap Them/Motorhead. Fast, loud, crusty punk metal.
So far Hamilton is doin' me right. I've got a band, I've got a bunch of different bars, I'm making rad new friends, I'm feeling creative and inspired to draw and make jewelery, I'm living downtown, I'm closer to my family, and it feels REALLY GOOD. I've had awesome, fun plans every weekend with awesome, fun people, and I just feel like being here is making me enjoy my life more. Other than the fact that I've been feeling super lazy, I am really, really happy since moving. I know this is where I am supposed to be right now.
***
Instead of making a big detailed post about this, which I don't really feel like doing, I'll just post about it in this entry:
Without getting into it too much, because it's a really personal thing for me, I've been looking for some sort of spirituality lately. I consider myself to be a spiritual person and there are things that I believe in, but I've never felt like I belonged to anything or any religion. Wicca and Paganism definitely have principles that coincide with a lot of my personal beliefs, but they still don't feel right. And of course I know that I am not required to affiliate myself with something that has a set of rules or guidelines, but I think I subconsciously want to feel like my beliefs fit in somewhere.
I grew up rebelling against religion and God because I felt at an early age that people were blind sheep for letting the Christian bible suppress their lives, and then when I was 17/18 I started to really think about what I believed in, and ever since then I've been craving knowledge and spiritual guidance - I went through a big buddhism phase after highschool, and was also reading up on Wiccan/Pagan beliefs - but nothing I've come across really hits home. I don't believe in judging people, I don't agree in capitalist religions, I think most organized religion is incredibly corrupt.
Which brings me to the fact that I have been getting very into North American aboriginal beliefs and spirituality. It's something that has always piqued my interest and these days I'm feeling more and more drawn to it for many reasons. One of the things that I've always thought was so beautiful about the native american belief system is that they are so accepting of all creatures on this earth. They don't discriminate, and they don't look down on others for their individual beliefs. There is no organized "religion". It is all about respecting Mother Earth and treating our fellow creatures (animals) with the same respect we would give to humans (if not, moreso). Animals are extremely revered and holy to them.
The other aspect that appeals to me is this: I am paralyzed with fear by Death. It is an issue that I have always had issues with, and when I think about dying I feel like vomiting. I grew up feeling like "when I'm dead, I'm dead. That's the end." These days, I'm not so sure, because I firmly believe in the spirit world, and I know that there is always energy all around us. And so I'd be stupid to think that death is the end. But I still wrestle with my issues. My friend dying last summer helped me to deal with certain things, and it opened up a whole book of things for me to contemplate and think about.
In the Native American belief system, when someone dies, it is only a shedding of their earthly body. Natives don't mourn death, because they feel that when a creature dies, it is never actually the end of their life. They're only shedding their physical form.
Anyway, there are a few public pow wows and drum circles that I plan on attending in the next few months, and I am going to keep researching their amazing history and beautiful legends/traditions. Being Canadian makes it much easier to access information and have the resources I need to dive into this stuff, because Canada is very supportive of Aboriginal Peoples and preserving their culture.
It's funny, and yet completely UNsurprising, that this is something I am getting into, because for one, ever since I was little I have always felt extremely connected to nature and when I'm surrounded by natural beauty and undisturbed landscapes, I feel this peace that I don't get from anything else in my life, and also, the thing that turned me spiritual when I was 17 was reading "Beautiful Losers" by Leonard Cohen. That is why that book is so important to me. It made me think about my beliefs, and their connection to nature and aboriginal spirituality, and helped me to ask so many questions that I was suppressing, and opened my eyes to the fact that you can be spiritual and not necessarily religious. And I thought that was amazing, and it made sense to me.
I don't want to talk about this much more right now because I find it extremely difficult/uncomfortable and weird to talk about my own spirituality for some reason. I also feel very uneloquent talking about this stuff, because I don't quite have certain things figured out and I'm just in learning mode right now.
But I just wanted to record it in here, and let you guys know what is goin' on with me.
"I got blistahs on me fingahs!"