Letters to Afghanistan #2

[darlachristine]

Friday - 28 June 2013

So yesterday I went to the commissary and drove Mrs. Zippy.  There are no stray cigarettes in there!  But I did find your phone holder and the perfect place to mount it.  The groceries fit just fine and I was also surprised to find that I could roll the driver window down most of the way and it didn’t blow my hair about near as bad as it does in my car.

I know, technically my car is an SUV, but I’ve said “my car” for well over 30 years now.  She needs a name.  Since Rendezvous is French, she should have a French name.  You’d think I would have come up with one long before now - I’ve only had her . . . what . . . 8 or 9 years?  How about Margaux (pronounced Mar-go)?  It’s French, can be thought of as a contraction of “my car go,” and it does carry cargo which rhymes.  Ha ha!  That was pretty clever!

So anyway, I’m at the commissary at 1930 and ready to check out.  The frigging line is so long it wraps back to the ice cream and they only have 3 registers open.  I guess they didn’t expect so many people at that time of night - it reminded me of Wal-Mart.  However, the wait didn’t seem as long as it was (about 20-30 minutes) as I had plenty to entertain me while waiting.

The lady in front of me had 3 small kids - two girls about 6 years and 6 months, and a boy about 2 or 3.  The boy was whining that he had to go potty and he’s pooped in his pants.  The mom was definitely having a bad day and was rather impatient with him.  Nothing she said was very pleasant and the sad thing is I’ve been there and acted just like her, so I really couldn’t judge.

While standing in line by the donuts and the mom’s not looking, the boy pulled his pants down and then back up.  He didn’t seem to get the results he wanted, so then he stuck his hand down the front and back of his britches.  Finally he showed his mom his finger and said, “See, I told you I pooped in my pants.  I have to go potty.”  I about died right then and there from trying not to laugh out loud.  Needless to say I didn’t buy any chocolate covered donuts.

Well, the mom just about went ballistic while trying to keep everything quiet.  She fussed and fumed on volume 2, but I’m sure if she wasn’t in public it would have probably hit about 8 or 9.  I think I even saw smoke come out of her ears about then.  Then the boy stuck his finger in his mouth.

I felt bad for her, but didn’t know what to do.  Finally the lady in front offered to pull her cart through the line while she took the kids to the bathroom.  I would have offered but I didn’t think there’d be any way she’d make it back in time.  Actually, she did come back in time, but only with the baby.  She left those 2 little ones alone in the bathroom!  Very poor judgment.  She should have just gotten completely out of line and done her motherly duty.

I bought a lot of fresh fruit last night as step one in controlling what I eat.  I also came home with squished bread.  You know I’d like to eat cleaner:

• no chemicals - preservatives, artificial flavors, colorings and such
• organic - no pesticides, herbicides, range-free, grass-fed
• natural - not processed, pre-packaged, bleached, enriched, etc.

One thing I want to eventually do is make a lot of my grocery staples from scratch, such as seasoning mixes, breakfast foods, cookies and snacks, and bread to name a few.  I’ve wanted a large freezer for forever, but you know that.  If I had a freezer and my bread machine out of storage I’d start making my own and then I wouldn’t have to deal with squished bread.  I’d just have to remember and work it into my routine to make a loaf every day or two.

I’ve been interested in freezer cooking ever since I heard about it while home schooling.  Basically, I’d spend a day or two each month and cook (or partially cook) a bunch of entrees that then get frozen.  Just like using the convenience frozen foods, but I control the ingredients and can tweak them to lower the calories/fat/sodium or change the seasoning or whatever.  I’d also make oodles of pancakes, waffles, and French toast to stick in the freezer.  And bread, cookies, muffins, pies, and cakes.  Obviously with the way I’m going now it’s just a dream, but it is an attainable one and healthier to boot.

&

Saturday - 29 June 2013

Somehow I don’t think My Seafaring Son will make it skydiving this morning.  I got one hour sleep before he called me to pick him up, then another four after I managed to get him into his room.

&

Monday - 01 July 2013

We had a rather quiet weekend.  Saturday My Seafaring Son just watched TV and played on his laptop.  Sunday was just as quiet.  My Seafaring Son had duty and I spent a fair portion of the day looking up various local events to go to.  It started with finding out about fireworks on the 4th, but of course I found a couple links and by the time I was done I’d found stuff for the Neptune Festival, a couple Christmas parades, two craft shows, etc.

Those wildflowers never did anything.  They grew about two inches and that was it.  It’s not their fault - the problem is the soil.  I think our yard is made of the worst soil known to mankind, which is also why we don’t have much grass in the back.

I got an idea for a non-fiction book yesterday.  I feel like my house - and by extension, my life - is such a mess and I was thinking of a plan to get it together.  Actually, the organization of this all came to me while I was being productive, which is rather ironic.  It consists of spending a month on each room of the house, plus the yards and vehicles.  Each month was further broken down into 4 weeks with a separate focus per week (dejunk, deep clean, repair, paint/decorate).

Then there are extra months for organizing things like holiday activities, exercise and diet, household records, meal planning and shopping, etc.  All this organizing included developing a maintenance plan for each thing so once you finished each month it would stay organized for the rest of your life.  If for some reason you fell off the organizing wagon, the plan you developed would make it easy to jump back on.  I actually have learned this plan and implemented it, but am not currently following it.  However, from past experience I know for a fact that it is easy to jump back on the organizing wagon.  The hardest part is staying on because that means you actually have to do the housework.

I figured I could implement this plan and as I go through each week, write a chapter explaining how to do it.  It would have checklists and be an interactive self-help workbook kind of thing.  By the time I got finished thinking about all this I realized it would take a couple years to actually go through the whole process and who would have the patience for that, even if it did mean you would have the perfectly organized house and life of your dreams?  Maybe if I broke it down into two books - one for the house and the other for everything else?

The best part was the title, based on the concept that the end result would be perfection - Fuck Martha S█████ - but then I’d just get sued for libel.  Maybe I could call it How to be a Stepford Wife.

&

Tuesday - 02 July 2013

Wow, so if I ramble on about the stupid stuff that fills my head, then I can add pages up pretty quickly.  This is the fourth page and fifth day, but I skipped a day and didn’t write so it’s really four pages in four days.  (Note:  after changing the style of this document it became the seventh page).

I know you’re really busy, probably pretty damn tired, still adjusting to everything over there, and try to Skype a lot but it’d be nice to get a letter from you at least once a week, especially since you don’t write near as long ones as I do.  There’s something about writing - you have a tendency to talk about things you wouldn’t otherwise since you have time to get your thoughts in order without being interrupted by the other person.  I don’t mean that derogatorily either - it’s just a difference process.  And you can edit!  Also, you can talk about things in a letter that you can’t on Skype or the phone since there’s no privacy.

I still want a cigarette.  The first week is the hardest - I’m now starting Day Nine.  I thought about it a lot during the first five days or so and I felt antsy.  I cut straws down to cigarette size and sucked on them, but it got to where I was chewing on them and sucking on them differently than I do a cigarette.  Gum didn’t really help or candy or anything else, so save yourself the calories and cost.  I got so antsy a couple times I’d have to get up and pace.

This week I don’t think about it as often and I’m not as antsy and frantic.  The thing that helps the most is not having anyone around who smokes.  AT ALL!  When I tried to quit before and I was having a hard time dealing with it, I knew you’d be home soon and I could have one of yours.  I never intended to start back each time, but the temptation is just too easy.  The second thing that helps is keeping your mind occupied.  Not just your body, which is good too, but your mind.  They say the cravings and other withdrawal symptoms are most intense during the first week, but they can linger for months (I hope not).  I do have to say from experience that after the first five days or so it’s more bearable.

One of the hardest parts of quitting is how it’s ingrained into your daily routine, such as when you have your morning coffee or after every meal or while driving.  I guess with your schedule and surroundings, plus the fact you don’t drive your own car anymore, that part might be easier for you than me.  I still sit at the same desk in the same room and still drive the same car where I get to decide whether anyone can smoke in it.  I imagine there’s quite a few No Smoking areas where you are, including the vehicles they drive you around in, not to mention that everything you do and where you do it are now different and probably regulated.

I think that not being under a tremendous amount of stress helps too.  I don’t think I could have done this while working (thank you for letting me quit - thank you, thank you, thank you!).  I often used cigarettes to help calm me down when I had to deal with difficult people or situations.  I don’t know if this is something you do too, but if so you’ll need to find another outlet.  A lot of people recommend running or other exercise.  Deep breathing may help too.  The problem is that even after you quit there will be stressful things to deal with so you need to find alternate ways to handle it.

~ Be a Quitter ~

1. Stay away from cigarettes and smokers at all cost. This is the most important thing of all!  Get rid of all your cigarettes - no hidden stash or emergency pack allowed.  Don’t even give yourself any opportunity to bum a cigarette.  Let smokers know you’re quitting and to not give in and enable you.  In fact, it’s best to just avoid them totally the first few weeks; just tell them what’s going on so you don’t offend them.  If you want or need to talk to them, do it by phone.
2. Keep your mind busy. Throw yourself into work or an intense project.  If you don’t have time to think about it, you won’t - at least not so much.  If you’re really preoccupied with something else, you can go a couple hours without thinking about it.  That time increases as you go on.
3. Keep your mouth busy. Chew on straws and forget candy and gum.  It may not be the biggest help, but it’ll be something to get you through the most stressful parts of the first week.  You can really munch and gnaw on a straw and totally mutilate it; not so much with candy or gum.  You might also try brushing your teeth and noticing how clean your mouth feels.  Also drink lots of water as staying hydrated is supposed to help minimize withdrawal symptoms.  Not soda!
4. Keep your hands busy. Play with that straw you’re gnawing on, twirl a pencil between your fingers, or use a stress ball.  If you need to light something, light a candle or incense instead.
5. Change up your routine as much as possible to avoid smoking triggers. Drink your coffee and eat your meals in a different environment.  Try to make it one where you don’t regularly smoke, even if that means the bathroom.  If you smoke in the car, try to stop doing so a few weeks before and have it thoroughly cleaned and shampooed to remove all smell.  Ride with someone else or in a different vehicle if that’s an option.  Also, don’t go partying or do anything else that is closely linked to smoking.
6. Find another way to handle stress or other feelings that drive you to smoke - running, jumping jacks, other exercise, deep breathing, meditation, a relaxing bath, reading, napping, or killing zombies in a video game.  It’s also recommended to avoid caffeine.
7. Have one or two people to support you. You don’t have to go public, but it helps to have a couple people you can vent to when you’re really jonesing for a smoke, especially if they don’t encourage to go buy some.
8. Remember why you’re quitting. Think about the money you’re saving and health benefits.  If it works for you, periodically look at photos of smokers’ lungs or other gross stuff.  It squicks me out to think that mine probably look like that.
9. Download a couple apps to your phone - I use Cessation Nation and QuitNow! After you enter some basic info in, they’ll keep track of things like how much money you’ve saved and how many cigarettes you’ve not smoked.  They’ll also track your progress in eliminating carbon monoxide from your blood, lowering your risk of stroke and lung cancer, and other health benefits.  There are achievements like “you’ve saved enough money to pay for a month at a gym,” and they have even have a couple little games to play when you’re working through a craving.
10. Use organizations if you need to.  Talk to your doctor about the patch, but I’d avoid the meds as the side effects and dangers from that can be really bad.  Websites offer a lot of different options including information, live support, social networking with other quitters, quitting plans, calendars, tips, savings calculators, games, etc.
    
    
    1. Quit Tobacco looks like it really offers a lot including how to prepare, customizable plans, live coaches, others trying to quit, games, and articles.
    2. Operation Live Well has a few more apps to try.
    3. CDC smoking info
    4. SmokeFree
    5. QuitNet
    6. American Cancer Society
    7. Nicotine Anonymous (12-step program like AA)
    8. American Lung Association
    9. WellNation

It didn’t put it on my list, but of course the very first step is actually wanting to quit.  I did but I didn’t.  I enjoy smoking, but I know how dangerous it is.  The only things that actually mattered was that I didn’t want to die before my time and when I go I don’t want it to be something I could have prevented or from something I caused by my own hand.  The idea of a heart attack or cancer or emphysema isn’t very appealing.  Additionally, I really want to eliminate chemicals and other artificial ingredients from my cleaners and food, so it really didn’t make sense to consciously ingest something so poisonous.

Apparently She Who Never Comes Down has been saving up for the past 6 months and the last time she was in Wal-Mart she bought a giftcard to use for ordering online.  She just spent nearly $300 and bought a small netbook with Windows 8.  She said that she can use it around the house to spend more time with us without giving up the internet.  It arrived this morning and was a total surprise to me.  She had mentioned getting one several months before and I told her I had an old one she could have and that was the last I heard until this one arrived today.  To be honest, the ones I have are shite and extremely slow, even just playing solitaire.  I wonder how well they’ll work if I system restore them.  It would be handy to have one in the kitchen to keep recipes on and use to network with my main computer for other household info and tools.

Okay, I spent a good deal of time today creating a style for my letters to you.  I’m still waiting to hear back from you about the questions I asked last letter, so depending on your answers this style could change.  Also, let me know if there’s something you don’t like about it, such as the color, font, picture, etc.

It’s late so I’m gonna close this letter out.  Please write me!

All my love,

Darla