This is my LJ, This is where i heal my hurts.
I havent done this in so long it has forgotten my password.
I havent been good to my life recently.
I have started self-harming again, i smoke to make sure my body knows how much i loathe it and WoW fills the void in my life where other people should be.
I wrote my suicide note just over a week ago, for it has been a sticking point in my ending of this aching void inside me.
I wanted someone to know what was going on inside me, i don't care if they understand as long as they know there was reasons and that they where valid to me.
Despite this i have still been laying plans for the future, in case my cowardice gets the better of me. Tis odd for a bdsm fetishist to be afraid of the pain they might feel during suicide.
This friday i goto the Careers office to get forms and make certain of the date i can re-apply.
The following saturday i start training, mostly CV work with weight training every other day and sundays off due to transport issues.
The other sticking point was that i wanted coffee with stu at least one more time, and i would like my shoes to arrive.
Always use serrated tools to self-harm for the simple reason that normal ones just don't give the satisfaction...that and you can't tell how you deep you have gone.
that is much better.
Oh yeah, yoda and fraggle where around on sat, a fairly good night, tis a shame i have no comedy except the one. The reall odd thing was the live shotgun shell on the table where they where rolling. No bongs, which was a mighty shame. I like a good bong i do, but alas i am the only one.
I wish i didn't give up uni, the reasons for doing so where many, the main i shall keep to myself as it is my deepest shame, but i miss the nights out, the coffees, the intake of knowledge. Lord how i love to learn new things.
I am contemptable, i am not pitiable that implies a degree of compassion i do not deserve.
I read 1984. Good book, but some Hope would have been nice. I hate it when there is nothing for anyone to look forward, and then at the end it gets worse and any tiny fraction of hope is stomped all over as the drunkard celebrates the imminent torture and killing of 500,00 people.
FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND! and still the enemy is not defeated! They have taken africa and that is it.
Sure it marks a small movement in the stability of the tripod which may resonate, but that just means that Big Brother gets bigger, and it is too clever to over stretch itself.
anyway this is pointless.
I'm off to bed or some such.
I think, therefore i am.
I havent been good to my life recently.
I have started self-harming again, i smoke to make sure my body knows how much i loathe it and WoW fills the void in my life where other people should be.
I wrote my suicide note just over a week ago, for it has been a sticking point in my ending of this aching void inside me.
I wanted someone to know what was going on inside me, i don't care if they understand as long as they know there was reasons and that they where valid to me.
Despite this i have still been laying plans for the future, in case my cowardice gets the better of me. Tis odd for a bdsm fetishist to be afraid of the pain they might feel during suicide.
This friday i goto the Careers office to get forms and make certain of the date i can re-apply.
The following saturday i start training, mostly CV work with weight training every other day and sundays off due to transport issues.
The other sticking point was that i wanted coffee with stu at least one more time, and i would like my shoes to arrive.
Always use serrated tools to self-harm for the simple reason that normal ones just don't give the satisfaction...that and you can't tell how you deep you have gone.
that is much better.
Oh yeah, yoda and fraggle where around on sat, a fairly good night, tis a shame i have no comedy except the one. The reall odd thing was the live shotgun shell on the table where they where rolling. No bongs, which was a mighty shame. I like a good bong i do, but alas i am the only one.
I wish i didn't give up uni, the reasons for doing so where many, the main i shall keep to myself as it is my deepest shame, but i miss the nights out, the coffees, the intake of knowledge. Lord how i love to learn new things.
I am contemptable, i am not pitiable that implies a degree of compassion i do not deserve.
I read 1984. Good book, but some Hope would have been nice. I hate it when there is nothing for anyone to look forward, and then at the end it gets worse and any tiny fraction of hope is stomped all over as the drunkard celebrates the imminent torture and killing of 500,00 people.
FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND! and still the enemy is not defeated! They have taken africa and that is it.
Sure it marks a small movement in the stability of the tripod which may resonate, but that just means that Big Brother gets bigger, and it is too clever to over stretch itself.
anyway this is pointless.
I'm off to bed or some such.
I think, therefore i am.