Damn you livejournal, you know I procrastinate...
So, Sean is officially a father. It fucking sucks.
I've felt sick to my stomach since Sunday night, when he called me and told me Amber was in labor. Damn, I really didn't think I would react in such a negative way but something is eating me inside. I have therapy in a little while, can't wait to see how that goes. Probably going to end up sitting in my car for a half an hour crying again. Honestly, I don't know why I stuck around for this shit. I love Sean, there's no doubt about it...but this is way too much for me to deal with. My mind is totally preoccupied when I'm in class, at work, trying to sleep, whatever. I can't even go SEE the baby cuz Amber will slit my throat probably. Although, now that the baby has been born, the thought has crossed my mind to take a baseball bat to her fucking face.
I'm fucking depressed, really bad...and it fucking sucks. I'm at my lowest low and I just want to throw up. And honestly, this whole thing really has nothing to do with me, so I'm trying not to let it bother me....but I can't help it damn it! It's fucking there all the time.
And I feel horribly guilty for feeling like shit about all of this. Everyone makes you feel like baby's are the greatest fucking thing to ever happen and you're suppose to be overjoyed that it's here. Well, I'm fucking not. I'm fucking miserable. I'm trying so hard to be there for my friend, cuz I won't let him know how I really feel about it. Like he needs another bitch in his life bringing him down.
Guess that's a good place to stop.
I've felt sick to my stomach since Sunday night, when he called me and told me Amber was in labor. Damn, I really didn't think I would react in such a negative way but something is eating me inside. I have therapy in a little while, can't wait to see how that goes. Probably going to end up sitting in my car for a half an hour crying again. Honestly, I don't know why I stuck around for this shit. I love Sean, there's no doubt about it...but this is way too much for me to deal with. My mind is totally preoccupied when I'm in class, at work, trying to sleep, whatever. I can't even go SEE the baby cuz Amber will slit my throat probably. Although, now that the baby has been born, the thought has crossed my mind to take a baseball bat to her fucking face.
I'm fucking depressed, really bad...and it fucking sucks. I'm at my lowest low and I just want to throw up. And honestly, this whole thing really has nothing to do with me, so I'm trying not to let it bother me....but I can't help it damn it! It's fucking there all the time.
And I feel horribly guilty for feeling like shit about all of this. Everyone makes you feel like baby's are the greatest fucking thing to ever happen and you're suppose to be overjoyed that it's here. Well, I'm fucking not. I'm fucking miserable. I'm trying so hard to be there for my friend, cuz I won't let him know how I really feel about it. Like he needs another bitch in his life bringing him down.
Guess that's a good place to stop.