An Unbearable Fact: 7/??
Title: An Unbearable Fact
Chapters: 7/??
Author:
darkwonderland3
Genre: AU/Romance/ Psychological/Angst
Warnings: Language, sexual scenes, mental diseases, violence, character death, suicide attempts, rape.
Rating: NC17
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Aoi, Reita/Kai
Synopsis: When you lose the only person who loves you from the deepest of her heart, can you go on living? Do you manage to smile again? Can you fight against those demons who break you?
Previous chapters: Prologue, 1/??, 2/??, 3/??, 4/??, 5/??, 6/??
“Aoi? Where are you sweetie?”
“I'm hiding!” His playful voice was ringing in her ears, a far sound, but he was still in the house. “Come find me!”
“All right all right, I'm coming!”
The mother went upstairs, knowing exactly where her little boy was hiding. It was the same hideout every time, but she never got tired of it. She loved to play hide and seek with the little boy. It was their moment. A moment where no shouts or crying could be heard. Only laughters.
“Where is my little sunshine,” She said as she reached into her bedroom. “Hmm, maybe under the bed? Or behind the door?” She was playing the game, looking for Yuu at each place she was saying. And each time she could hear him giggle. “Or maybe, here!”
“No you found me!” Yuu laughed as he got out of the wardrobe. “Again again mama!”
“No more plays now, mommy needs to talk to you.”
“Why?”
“Because you're going to spend few days to your uncle.”
“Why?”
Yuu's mother laughed softly. “Because your mommy has to talk with daddy. And you don't need to hear what we'll be saying.”
“Because daddy will shout at you again?”
“Maybe yes...”
“I don't want to leave you alone, I don't like when daddy screams!” Yuu hugged his mother's legs tightly. His dad was shouting at his mother a lot lately, but Yuu couldn't understand why. His mother was so nice, how could he shout at her?
“I know sweetheart, I know. But I'm doing this for your own good so you won't have to hear mommy and daddy's fight.”
“Mama?”
“Yes Aoi?”
“Will you be bleeding again when I come back?”
His question left her speechless. She couldn't tell if her husband was going to hit her again after their discussion. She couldn't tell if he was going to stay calm when she would tell him what she'd decided. She couldn't tell if the next few days would go smoothly. And how could her little boy think about that? He was so young, he should be playing and laughing like every other children of his age. Not wondering if his mother would get hurt again.
She crouched and took him in her arms, whispering that nothing will happen to her. But Yuu wasn't convinced by her words.
“Let's pack your stuff now. Your uncle will be here soon.”
And she was right. Fifteen minutes later, Yuu was running down the stairs to open the front door to his uncle whose lips widened as soon as he saw his nephew.
“Hello little man! Come give a kiss to your favourite uncle!” The man said as he caught the boy in his arms.
“But you're my only uncle.”
“That's why I'm your favourite,” He laughed while Yuu put a loud kiss on his cheek. “Where's your mother?”
“I'm here,' The woman walked down the stairs with Yuu's bag in her hand, smiling. “Thank you so much for taking him with you, again.”
“You don't have to thank me. You're my sister, I have to help you. But,” The man stopped talking as if he was thinking of the right words to say. “Are you sure you won't need help?”
“Don't worry about me. Yuu, can you wait your uncle in the car?” The two adults then watched the boy go in the vehicle and wave at them. His mother then turned her attention back to her brother. “Look, nothing is going to happen. We will just talk and that's all!”
“But you do remember what happened last time you just... talked, right? Reika, your son needs you. Please be careful.”
“It won't happen again.”
They still talked for a few moments before Yuu's mother accompanied her brother to the car. She told Yuu to be a good boy with his uncle and aunt and that he will see her soon. She then waved at them when the car started.
Yuu was so happy to see his aunt and cousins again even though he was still dead worried about his mother. He didn't want her to get hurt again. He didn't want her to cry again and hear her beg. All the little boy wished for was to see his mother smile and be happy again. He wanted to have back his happy family.
At his uncle's house he was pleased to be welcomed by his aunt who was waiting for the both of them at the doorstep, as always. And as soon as she saw him, she hugged him tightly and rushed to go inside the house with her nephew and her husband. On that day, Yuu played a lot with his cousins. He laughed with them, played hide and seek, and even drew with them. The little boy was happy, but at the end of the day when his aunt tucked him in, Yuu started to cry. He cried because he was so worried about his mother, he cried because he wanted to see her, he cried because he was scared something could happen to her. He was scared he wouldn't be able to see his mother again.
His aunt and uncle had spend long minutes to calm him down and reassure him that nothing would happen to his mother - and the man really hoped it - until the little boy finally fell asleep.
A few days later when his uncle drove him back home, Yuu rushed to go inside the house - leaving his uncle with his father at the doorstep - while calling his mother. He knocked at the door of her bedroom and waited a few seconds before going in. His mother was lying on her bed, on her right side so that the little boy could only see her back, and she wasn't making a single sound.
“Mama? Mama I'm home,” He said while walking slowly to the bed. But she didn't answer, nor even looked at him. “Mama it's not funny. Say something!”
“What are you doing here Yuu?! Did I not tell you to go to your room?” A deep voice interrupted the little boy as he was about to touch his mother's shoulder.
“But I-I wanted to say hello to mama and...”
“Get out of here.” He looked at the little boy with such anger in his eyes that Yuu was petrified.
“Daddy...”
“Hurry!”
Yuu left immediately his parents' bedroom with teary eyes without knowing that his mother wasn't sleeping. Without seeing his mother's bruised face.
* * *
It was the raven-haired's voice that alerted Kouyou. He had been waiting for him, still sat on the boy's bed, and seeing that he was taking some time the older man had started to be worried. And his worries only worsened when he heard Yuu's screams and the agitation in the corridor.
He saw the teenager struggle while two nurses were trying to make him walk. He could see the tears running down his cheeks, he could see the pain in his dark eyes and he could especially see the fresh bandage on his left wrist. Kouyou wondered what had happened. The teenager had been with the substitute nurse so why did he hurt himself? Yuu wasn't feeling well today, he should have stayed with the chestnut-haired man. He would have make him feel better and forget all his worries. Kouyou thought he was the only one to do that, and the only one to have that right. He was the only one to make the boy smile, the only one to know how to soothe him, the only one Yuu needed right now.
“Where are you taking him? What happened?” Kouyou asked as he tried to get closer to the boy.
“We're taking care of your roommate, now go back to your room.”
“But...”
“No buts! Go back to your room there's nothing to see here. Or maybe do you want to be placed in solitary confinement too?”
“No... No I don't.”
“Did I make myself clear enough then?”
“Clear as day.” He answered without taking his eyes off Yuu's body until he couldn't see him anymore, until the door closes on his silhouette.
Kouyou took a few steps forward. He could still hear Yuu's screams and right now he was so frustrated to not be by his side, frustrated to know Yuu was going to be all alone for an undetermined period. He couldn't be with the boy at the present time, but he would change it. Kouyou only needed to be patient. But for the moment, he didn't want to go back to their bedroom and be alone.
In another room, after a few dozen minutes, a little boy was shyly standing in front of his two roommates. He was ashamed to be standing before them, ashamed to come back as nothing had happened, ashamed to smile at them even though he wasn't in the mood to laugh. He was so ashamed he'd hurt them again. When he was at the hospital Takanori had always been thinking about these boys. He had missed them so much, but not as much as he was missing his sister. But now he was here again, with them maybe for a long time or maybe not, he wasn't able to tell it. But for the moment, he wanted to cherish the time he could spend with them all. What could happen next was between the hands of Fate.
“Taka... Is it really you?”
“Do I look like Santa Claus?” He chuckled nervously while scratching the back of his head.
“You're a little too young to be Santa Claus.”
“But you could be one of his elves and make toys!” Yutaka said happily with stars shinning in his eyes. “You would make children so happy! Aki can he be an elf? Can I go with him and visit the toy factory?”
“Well... If Taka is an elf, he has to ask Santa Claus first. He's the big boss.”
“Would you do it?” The boy looked so joyful that Takanori couldn't say no to that face. And inside of him he was grateful to them for trying to make him smile sincerely.
“Yes I could. And I don't think he would say no.”
“What the hell is all this nonsense?” A voice broke the friendly atmosphere that was between the three boys before his arrival.
“Taka is an elf Kouyou and he works for Santa Claus!” The teenager said with a big smile on his lips. “And he's going to take me to the toy factory, would you like to come too?”
“Santa Clause doesn't exist.”
“I know I... I was just trying to be... nice...” Yutaka whispered his last words, shocked by Kouyou's expression.
“You? Nice? Oh dear, my ass you were.” The man looked at the teenager in a haughty way.
“Hey calm down, Yutaka did nothing to you. Takanori is back we were just joking.”
“Right our little suicidal boy's back! Looks like you failed again.”
“Kouyou!” Akira shouted frowning his eyebrows as he stood up and took the little boy in his arms. “How dare you say that to him? What's wrong with you?!”
“What's wrong with me? Everything's fine! You're the one putting the blame on me, always!” What was he doing? Why this outburst of anger? Why now? Kouyou had nothing against his roommates, he didn't understand why he was so cold with them. But the words kept coming out of his mouth. “You're acting like you were my mother. You're the one telling me what I should be doing or not. You're the one throwing at my face your little happiness with this sick sadistic.” He pointed at Yutaka while speaking.
The teenager was still shocked by Kouyou's words and now those new words were hurting him. “Why... Why are you so mean? I didn't do anything to you...”
“Oh no you didn't, but you hurt people and no matter how much time you'll spend in here, you will always hurt people. Because you're still the same sick little kid you were at your arrival.”
“Enough!” A scared little boy screamed, tears running down his cheeks as he faced the chestnut-haired. “Enough Kouyou... Stop it... You're hurting us, but... but can't you see you're hurting yourself as well? Can't you see that lashing out at us won't take your problems away?!”
“What's happening here?” A few nurses were now at the doorstep, looking at each one of them with suspicious eyes. “Can one of you explain us what's the problem, why we can hear you shout at the other end of the corridor?”
“It's none of your business.”
“Kouyou, go outside and take a walk. You need to calm down.”
“I am calm!”
“It's either you go outside or we will use the strong way to calm you down.” A male nurse spoke while he took a few steps towards him. “Do you understand me?”
“Fine fine! I don't need your injection!” And he left the room without a single glance to his roommates.
“Is everybody alright?”
“Yes... Yes we are,” Akira said with a sad smile on his lips. “He didn't do anything to us. Physically I mean.”
“Do we need to examine you?”
“No. I'm taking care of them.”
“Alright, but if you need to talk let us know.”
“And before we're leaving,” A woman with short hair added. “Yuu's not going to come back for a few days. Maybe a week.”
Oh. That explained a lot. Akira now understood Kouyou's outburst. It had to have a link with the raven. Kouyou had been so sensitive since the teenager came here, plus he'd mentioned this little happiness with Yutaka. But he was wrong and blinded by his anger. Akira didn't have a happiness with the boy. At least not the kind he wanted.
The nurses then left them alone, in silence. Takanori had stopped crying for a short moment now and was sitting next to Yutaka on the teenager's bed. Yutaka wasn't showing it, but he was on the verge of crying. Kouyou's words were still resonating in his mind like a broken record, and the fact that those words were true hurt him a little more than he already was. It was not his fault he was like that. Not his fault at all.
“Yutaka, stop thinking about what he said. You're hurting yourself,” Akira said to him as he crouched in front of the boy and took both of his hands in his own. “And don't tell me you're not doing it. I know you well now.”
“But... He's right... The only thing I'm able to do is hurting people.”
“He's not. Stop it now.”
“You weren't even there...”
Akira sighed, squeezing his hands a little more. “Alright I'll go talk to him. Taka...”
“I'm fine,' The boy cut him off. “You can go without worrying, I stay with Yutaka.”
“I'll be right back.” He left them as soon as he said it.
Yutaka watched him leave with tears in his eyes, tears he couldn't hold back any longer. It wasn't his fault he had become a monster, it wasn't his fault his mother did all these awful things to him. He was just a little boy at that time, a little boy who only wanted to be loved by his mother. He was craving for maternal love, not psychological and slightly physical mistreatments.
And as he was crying Takanori put a hand on his shoulder, trying to make him understand that he was by his side if he needed him. Takanori was young, but he was trying his best to comfort the other boy as it was the first time after all the time he'd spend in here that he was able to see him cry. The teenager didn't talk to him, but kept crying until he let his head fall on Takanori's thighs. He could feel his fingers in his hair brushing them shyly, and that was the kind of gestures Yutaka was craving for. Sweet and nice gestures. He wasn't asking for more, just some kindness.
He wasn't asking Akira for more too. It was enough for the boy to spend some precious moments in his arms when they were alone, it was enough for him to be close to him and laugh with him. It was enough for him to feel safe with the man. Even though, deep inside of him he was hoping for a little more. But he was mentally so sick he already knew he couldn't get what he wanted. Because he was hurting people like Kouyou said, and one of these day he knew he would end up hurting Akira.
* * *
It didn't take long to Akira to find the other man in the garden. He couldn't miss him. He couldn't miss the few nurses that were watching him from afar, he couldn't miss the way Kouyou was looking back at them with still this anger in the eyes. And more precisely, he couldn't miss his voice, his words he was saying to the nurses. Kouyou was begging them to leave him alone.
The blond-haired man walk to him, letting the nurses know that everything was alright, and then put calmly a hand on one of his shoulder. And when Kouyou looked at him - with eyes widen in shock - his only reaction was to lay his head on Akira's shoulder while his roommate was taking him in his arms. He could feel him shiver and the way he was holding his sweater between his fingers made him soon noticed that he was crying.
“It's alright Kouyou calm down. No one got injured,” Akira told him as he hugged him tightly. “Stop crying now, they're fine.”
“What did I do Aki? I've said awful things to them... I didn't mean them! I am so sorry...”
“It's about Yuu, that's why you were like that back there. Am I right?”
Kouyou let out a faint laugh as he let his friend go. “It couldn't be about someone else...”
“Tell me what happened.”
And Kouyou told him everything. The moment he'd spent with him in the bathroom, Yuu's attempts to rip off his white extensions, the kiss they'd almost shared, the substitute nurse taking Yuu with her, Yuu's screams, Yuu's injured wrist, Yuu locked in another room. Yuu, Yuu, and Yuu again. He told him everything about the raven-haired teenager, but not a single thing about how he felt during all these moments.
“They didn't let me see him and I got angry. But it doesn't excuse my behaviour towards the three of you.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“Apologize first. None of you deserved what I said. I'm... I am sorry...”
“It's ok for me, but you know how Yutaka and Takanori are. They're still young and thus more sensitive than we can be.”
“I know...” Oh yes he knew. And he also knew that the two boys will fear him again. Like that time when they'd first met each other. Kouyou had been so cold with everyone during the first weeks and every time he had a new roommate.
“And for Yuu?” The blond asked as they were walking away from the nurses, he didn't want them to hear them talk about this next topic.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh come on, don't tell me you haven't thought about going to his prison this night.”
“You're imagining things.”
“Kouyou, we all did it. And you can't spend one single minute without him otherwise you start to worry.”
Kouyou's silence was his only answer.
* * *
He had never thought their answer to his apologizes would hurt that much. Literally. Kouyou was standing in the middle of the bedroom - eyes widen in surprise and a hand on his now red cheek - as Yutaka was calling him names the teenager never dared to say to him before. Selfish. Coward. Asshole. Heartless. He was telling him what was on his mind concerning the man before him. As for Takanori, he feared that Yutaka's words would drive Kouyou so mad he would end up killing him. But he did nothing of that. Instead, Kouyou laughed and asked him if he was feeling better now, and when the brunet almost shouted a big yes, he knew his apologizes were accepted by the both of them. Even though he was still concerned about the fact that they could fear him again and at any time.
Kouyou had been waiting for two hours after the curfew when he left the room and after that Akira told him to be careful in the corridors. Oh the room where Yuu was locked in wasn't that far from their own bedroom. Kouyou just hoped no one was watching the room and luckily for him, he saw no nurses in the corridor and the door hadn't been locked. The man was really doubting about the organization of this hospital...
The room was in the dark - as expected since there was no window to let the moon light in - when he got inside without making a single noise. He couldn't see the teenager which made him ask himself if he wasn't in the wrong room. But as soon as he heard a voice sing a lullaby, his doubts vanished.
“Twinkle twinkle... little star... How I wonder... what you... are...”
Kouyou knew this lullaby, but couldn't understand why Yuu was only singing the first verses and kept saying only these words. “Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.” He sang while slowly walking closer to the boy and tried to not bump into a wall.
“Who's there?” The raven asked finally with fear in his voice when he felt the mattress sink down beside him. “Who's there?”
“It's me, Kouyou.”
“You're not real... I'm all alone... You're only in my head...”
“I am real. And I'm sitting next to you,” He whispered as he put a hand on Yuu's cheek, noticing as he did that the boy was laying on his back. “See? I'm right here with you.”
He thought the teenager would sat on the bed and shyly snuggle against him, but the only thing he could hear were metallic noises. His hand ran over his shoulder, arm, and on his wrist where he could feel a strap. They'd tied him up, he thought. Kouyou squeezed his hand between his fingers, smiling when he felt Yuu's hand holding his tightly, and caressed his forehead lovingly.
“Why did you hurt yourself?” Of course Yuu didn't answer, he should have known. The teenager was only squeezing his hand harder and drawing circles with his thumb on his skin. “Yuu, what happened?”
“Untie me. Please.”
Kouyou thought about it for some minutes. Wouldn't he try to hurt himself again if he did as he was asking? But in a way, he couldn't let the boy like that, that's why after another please from Yuu he removed the straps from both his wrists. The teenager immediately put his arms around Kouyou's shoulders and hugged him as tight as he could. Of course the chestnut-haired reciprocated the embrace, letting his fingers go through his dark hair and even put his lips on Yuu's shoulder into a soft kiss and smiled when he felt the boy slightly shiver after his kiss. Kouyou also untied his ankles after Yuu had informed him that they were tied too. He kept the boy close to him and carried on kissing his shoulder and neck from time to time when he noticed the raven wasn't saying a single thing about it.
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder... what you are...” Yuu started to sing again, softly enough so that no one outside of the room would hear him.
“When the blazing sun is gone, when he nothing shines upon.”
“Then you show your little light... Twinkle twinkle all the night...”
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are!”
They sang together the whole lullaby until the moment Yuu falls asleep. Kouyou stayed with him for some hours, rocked him in his sleep and even soothed him when he woke up and called for him. Unfortunately for the both of them, Kouyou had to leave the room and a still sleeping Yuu in this darkness. He carefully tied him up again even though it was breaking his heart to do so, kissed his temple and then left.
On the second night when Kouyou went back to Yuu's room, he could hear him cry and pull on the straps. That night the man had spent long minutes to calm him down and reassure him that he wasn't going to let him alone in the dark again and with the thing. That it wasn't going to hurt him. He was there with him and Yuu shouldn't be afraid. On that second night it had been so tempting, too tempting, that Kouyou'd kissed the boy over and over again. And Yuu had never said no, not once. He had let him kiss and suck his lips, his jaw and let him mark his neck. At a time, Kouyou had thought the teenager had been asking for more, but maybe had he been just imagining things?
On the third night, Kouyou had heard well those words. Yuu had been asking, pleading for Kouyou's lips on his skin. He wasn't sure what was going on in Yuu's mind, wasn't sure if he had the right, but he did it anyway. The chestnut-haired had kissed him and hugged him with so much love that night, that he'd never thought he was capable of it. This third night had only been fond and gentle gestures between the two of them. Light caresses, passionate kisses, reassuring words, it was everything Yuu had always needed. Tenderness.
But on the fourth night, Kouyou had gone too far. On that night, the teenager's breath on his neck and his little whimpers had aroused him. He had let his fingers wander under the pyjama pants to stroke the boy's thin hip, he had bitten his neck harder only to leave a beautiful purple mark on his skin, he'd let his hands on Yuu's thighs thus removing the night garment and while he did all the last things, Kouyou hadn't noticed that Yuu was petrified. It was only when he'd started to fondle his crotch that the boy had started to beg him. Kouyou had been caught by surprise when he'd heard Yuu's voice. He'd never thought what he was doing would frighten the boy so much. He'd never thought his gestures would hurt him. He'd never thought his apologizes and sweet kisses would have no longer any effects on Yuu. He'd never imagined Yuu would be struggling in his arms that night and begging him not to touch him. He'd never imagined Yuu would asked him to leave the room. And he surely had never imagined he would let the boy cry alone.
In the dim moon light the first thing Akira noticed when Kouyou came back was the expression on his face. The chestnut-haired looked so heartbroken that the other man started to fear something bad had happened.
“What's wrong Kouyou?” He whispered as the two teenagers were sleeping.
“I screwed things up Aki... I shouldn't have gone there tonight...”
“You're starting to scare me,” He then waited that the other man was on his own bed to speak again. “What did you do there?”
“I... I've touched him... I've touched him in a way I should never had...” Kouyou did a short break, smiling faintly to the blond before deeply sighing. “I've scared him so much, and now? He's crying... I made him cry. Yutaka was right, I'm such an asshole...”
“You went a bit too far, do you remember what I told you?”
“Yeah and you don't need to say it again.”
“But that doesn't mean you're an asshole. You have to make up for it and this time, don't screw it up!”
Kouyou laughed softly. “Thanks Aki.”
“No need to thanks me! Now, we have to sleep.”
But Kouyou wasn't able to sleep that night, because he was worrying too much for Yuu. Was he still crying? Was he sleeping now? And most important of all questions, was he feeling well now? He had so many questions in his mind right now, and he hadn't the answer to a single one of them.
* * *
Kouyou was sitting in the common room, peacefully playing a piece of music on the guitar. He was still thinking about the last night and had clearly planned to go back to the teenager this night. He had to make up for what he did. He had to make sure Yuu wasn't scared of him. He had to make sure the tenderness between them wouldn't vanish. Kouyou made a mistake last night, and he was already regretting it.
The man was so focused on his play that he didn't noticed Takanori sitting beside him and rocking his head from side to side as he was listening to the music. It was rare for the little boy to hear Kouyou play, but he was always feeling happy whenever he could hear the musical notes. He stayed next to the man, enjoying the noise as Kouyou never told him to go away, and it's only at the end of the piece of music that the man noticed someone had listened to him with great pleasure.
But his attention was quickly drawn by rushed footsteps. A nurse was rushing towards another adult outside the common room, someone Kouyou had already seen. Again?! Kouyou then understood he was here for Yuu. The chestnut-haired was looking at the man with a stern look, his hands clenched on the guitar, and when their eyes met Kouyou was looking at that man with so much anger that it only made his lips widen in a sly smile. The last thing he could see was the two adults heading towards the stairs leading to the first floor, and to Yuu.
“What's wrong Kouyou?” Takanori asked at the same time Kouyou stood up without even realising it.
“Nothing. I'm fine.”
“Do you know him?”
“Unfortunately yes... He's Yuu's father.”
“He looks scary. I don't like him...”
Kouyou looked at the boy and noticed that he indeed seemed to be scared, so he put the guitar on the table and gently stroked the back of Takanori's head, smiling kindly to him. “Me neither Taka. Me neither.”
~~~~~~
A/N: Finally it's here! And I wanted to add so many scenes in this chapter, but it'd be too long ^^'
So Taka's back, Kouyou fucked up, and Yuu is in a total emotionnally mess. Sorry not sorry
Tell me your thoughts on this chapter! I'd really appreciate it! :D Bye bye~
Next: 8/??