A letter for Kai.
Title: A letter for Kai.
Chapters: Oneshot.
Author: darkwonderland3
Genre: Letter.
Warnings: Slight mention of bullying, anorexia and self-harm.
Rating: PG
Characters: Reita and Kai.
Disclaimer: The story is mine because it's about real facts. Reita and Kai are not mine, if they were.... Oh no, you don't want to know xD
Synopsis: Reita is tired of being bullied all day long. At home, he decides to write a letter to his friend Kai who he misses a lot.
15th April 2009.
My dear Kai,
It has been two weeks you're gone, two weeks you're confined in this hospital because of this disease you carry inside you since few years. This disease which weakens you day by day and that we don't have seen. You always smiled all the time, all days, as usual, but we, your friends, we didn't see the sickness that ate you away from the inside. We didn't see this disease developing itself. All we had noticed, was your lack of appetite. You didn't fed yourself as much as before. We asked ourselves questions of course, but we never would have thought about this. We haven't noticed your anorexia until you tell it to us, two weeks ago. And you were already sent to hospital. To each of us, you've sent a message on our mobile phones saying that you will be hospitalized for an indeterminate period because of your anorexia. We were all... shocked. And we all felt guilty at this time ! As friends, we should have noticed that you weren't going well. We should have... And I blame myself. I think the others blame themselves too. We're so close all five. But why did you hide it from us ? If you had confided it to us earlier, maybe we would have been able to help you. On this point I hold it against you a little. Instead of entrusting you to us, you remained locked into your dumbness.
I say no more, this letter is not made to criticize you but rather to catch up on your news and to give you some of ours. It was really time that the doctors let you have news from the outside, set apart of those whom your parents gave to you ! You told me in your first letter that you could only have the visit from your parents for now. It's very a pity, but I understand. I rely then on your parents to give you all that we'll send you ! Even if they come to see you only two hours per weeks ! And even cupcakes if you want ! The food at hospital is not really tasty. You know, we miss you a lot. Even if it's for the moment only two weeks. In highschool it's not the same without you. The atmosphere within the group is different. We don't laugh as before, we don't have fun as before. Everything is different. And even if Ruki and Aoi try to make us smile, nobody succeeds. The behavior of some of us has changed since you're gone. Uruha for example. He made new "friends" this year. Before they arrive, we were fine together, all five, weren't we? But they, I don't know, I go blank with these two. They influence Uruha too much. He who was so kind and thoughtful before, since he knows them, he became violent and despicable. Violent with everybody - except of course with them - but especially with me. If I had known the form that would take the events, believe me, I wouldn't have been so pleased to note, the first day of class, that I was going to spend my year with him. And why am I so hurt of his behaviour towards me ? It's very simple, you know what I feel for him for a little more than a year now. That's why it hurts me to see him behave this way with everyone, even with Ruki but with me too. Thanks to, or rather because of him, I became the scapegoat of the class. And I speak about it to nobody. Apart to you, even if perhaps I shouldn't say to you all this. You have to heal and I don't want that you mope by learning it. But you're the only one in who I always entrusted myself, who I always rely on.
You know, I wanted to commit suicide. I had enough to undergo all this to high school and to not see you and your smile that gave me back the joy of living. But you know me, I didn't go all the way. I only replaced a pain by another pain which will leave a scar and every time I'll look at it, I'll think about how Uruha disappointed me. We were really good friends before. But "before" will no longer exist I think. Since you told us about your disease, the others move away little by little : Ruki spends more and more time with his boyfriend than with us, Aoi moves away slowly and Uruha rose to something else with them. In the end, I'm alone. Alone with Ruki as even if he's with his boyfriend, he still comes to see me at the hours of breaks, as before when we join all five in our little corner. It's horrible to see how people can change overnight. But I know that you, you will remain always equal to yourself. You will remain our sunshine that gives us the smile the days of greyness.
I'll stop my letter here, but don't worry, others will follow ! I still have to revise for exams and prepare myself psychologically to live an other day with him. I guess this day will be anything but happy. I sincerely hope you will soon have the right for more visits than those of your parents, that we'll see each other again, and that you will be back with us soon. I think very hardly of you and make you wait until my next letter.
All my love. Reita.
Chapters: Oneshot.
Author: darkwonderland3
Genre: Letter.
Warnings: Slight mention of bullying, anorexia and self-harm.
Rating: PG
Characters: Reita and Kai.
Disclaimer: The story is mine because it's about real facts. Reita and Kai are not mine, if they were.... Oh no, you don't want to know xD
Synopsis: Reita is tired of being bullied all day long. At home, he decides to write a letter to his friend Kai who he misses a lot.
15th April 2009.
My dear Kai,
It has been two weeks you're gone, two weeks you're confined in this hospital because of this disease you carry inside you since few years. This disease which weakens you day by day and that we don't have seen. You always smiled all the time, all days, as usual, but we, your friends, we didn't see the sickness that ate you away from the inside. We didn't see this disease developing itself. All we had noticed, was your lack of appetite. You didn't fed yourself as much as before. We asked ourselves questions of course, but we never would have thought about this. We haven't noticed your anorexia until you tell it to us, two weeks ago. And you were already sent to hospital. To each of us, you've sent a message on our mobile phones saying that you will be hospitalized for an indeterminate period because of your anorexia. We were all... shocked. And we all felt guilty at this time ! As friends, we should have noticed that you weren't going well. We should have... And I blame myself. I think the others blame themselves too. We're so close all five. But why did you hide it from us ? If you had confided it to us earlier, maybe we would have been able to help you. On this point I hold it against you a little. Instead of entrusting you to us, you remained locked into your dumbness.
I say no more, this letter is not made to criticize you but rather to catch up on your news and to give you some of ours. It was really time that the doctors let you have news from the outside, set apart of those whom your parents gave to you ! You told me in your first letter that you could only have the visit from your parents for now. It's very a pity, but I understand. I rely then on your parents to give you all that we'll send you ! Even if they come to see you only two hours per weeks ! And even cupcakes if you want ! The food at hospital is not really tasty. You know, we miss you a lot. Even if it's for the moment only two weeks. In highschool it's not the same without you. The atmosphere within the group is different. We don't laugh as before, we don't have fun as before. Everything is different. And even if Ruki and Aoi try to make us smile, nobody succeeds. The behavior of some of us has changed since you're gone. Uruha for example. He made new "friends" this year. Before they arrive, we were fine together, all five, weren't we? But they, I don't know, I go blank with these two. They influence Uruha too much. He who was so kind and thoughtful before, since he knows them, he became violent and despicable. Violent with everybody - except of course with them - but especially with me. If I had known the form that would take the events, believe me, I wouldn't have been so pleased to note, the first day of class, that I was going to spend my year with him. And why am I so hurt of his behaviour towards me ? It's very simple, you know what I feel for him for a little more than a year now. That's why it hurts me to see him behave this way with everyone, even with Ruki but with me too. Thanks to, or rather because of him, I became the scapegoat of the class. And I speak about it to nobody. Apart to you, even if perhaps I shouldn't say to you all this. You have to heal and I don't want that you mope by learning it. But you're the only one in who I always entrusted myself, who I always rely on.
You know, I wanted to commit suicide. I had enough to undergo all this to high school and to not see you and your smile that gave me back the joy of living. But you know me, I didn't go all the way. I only replaced a pain by another pain which will leave a scar and every time I'll look at it, I'll think about how Uruha disappointed me. We were really good friends before. But "before" will no longer exist I think. Since you told us about your disease, the others move away little by little : Ruki spends more and more time with his boyfriend than with us, Aoi moves away slowly and Uruha rose to something else with them. In the end, I'm alone. Alone with Ruki as even if he's with his boyfriend, he still comes to see me at the hours of breaks, as before when we join all five in our little corner. It's horrible to see how people can change overnight. But I know that you, you will remain always equal to yourself. You will remain our sunshine that gives us the smile the days of greyness.
I'll stop my letter here, but don't worry, others will follow ! I still have to revise for exams and prepare myself psychologically to live an other day with him. I guess this day will be anything but happy. I sincerely hope you will soon have the right for more visits than those of your parents, that we'll see each other again, and that you will be back with us soon. I think very hardly of you and make you wait until my next letter.
All my love. Reita.