gonna start this again.....
Seeing as I can no longer, functionally fall asleep at night for whatever reason unknown to me at this point in time. I figure I should do something very creative and start writing again, and as this was the most functional place where I can truly express myself I went with...why the hell not? Now bodes the questions:
What do I write about?
Whom (if anyone) do I tell about this?
Should I even be specific about what it is I'm writing about?
With those questions I've taken the liberty to ask myself, writing about anything and everything would be good for me it'd help me vent and express certain feelings I am otherwise unable to express verbally towards other without fear of repercussion to me. With telling anyone about this, and being specific about whom I'm writing about... if anyone asks me whats going on or troubling me I'll send them here, and if they ask who its about if its not them or of no real concern to them I'll tell them. All I really want to do is just have a way to vent and get issues off my chest that my enable me to once again sleep.. here it is 2am, and I'm so very tired yet if I were to lay down and close my eyes for a few moments I'd become wide awake the darkness and stillness of the night, wakes me as nothing else has awoken me before. I truly am a "child of the night" who is a slave to the daytime quandaries of life. There is no real escape for me of what I have to deal with and what I constantly go through of the pain inside each and every day, and each and every day my strength at fighting off my worst, and innermost demon... is failing and I fear that that demon will win eventually. Its been 10yrs quite easily since I first thought of "it" if not longer, and each and every day I fight "it" off and continue to win, yet in these new darker depressing times where I see everyone around me fighting and struggling to make it through the day and my own lack of inaction towards my future "it" gets to me. "It" grows stronger and stronger, fighting me at every turn of the road I make that is called life... no matter how nice I am to others, I know or don't know, the feeling "it" causes gets only worse and more and more unbearable. All I know is that deep within me this demon will win, no matter how long or how hard I fight "it".
The stress caused by my own father is now so unbearable I despise coming home at night from work and I have started crying at night, at the end of my shift as I know I must come home and deal with this as I can no longer run or hide. Life itself is this great big mysterious thing we don't often enough appreciate or take the time to notice all of the wonders around us.
What do I write about?
Whom (if anyone) do I tell about this?
Should I even be specific about what it is I'm writing about?
With those questions I've taken the liberty to ask myself, writing about anything and everything would be good for me it'd help me vent and express certain feelings I am otherwise unable to express verbally towards other without fear of repercussion to me. With telling anyone about this, and being specific about whom I'm writing about... if anyone asks me whats going on or troubling me I'll send them here, and if they ask who its about if its not them or of no real concern to them I'll tell them. All I really want to do is just have a way to vent and get issues off my chest that my enable me to once again sleep.. here it is 2am, and I'm so very tired yet if I were to lay down and close my eyes for a few moments I'd become wide awake the darkness and stillness of the night, wakes me as nothing else has awoken me before. I truly am a "child of the night" who is a slave to the daytime quandaries of life. There is no real escape for me of what I have to deal with and what I constantly go through of the pain inside each and every day, and each and every day my strength at fighting off my worst, and innermost demon... is failing and I fear that that demon will win eventually. Its been 10yrs quite easily since I first thought of "it" if not longer, and each and every day I fight "it" off and continue to win, yet in these new darker depressing times where I see everyone around me fighting and struggling to make it through the day and my own lack of inaction towards my future "it" gets to me. "It" grows stronger and stronger, fighting me at every turn of the road I make that is called life... no matter how nice I am to others, I know or don't know, the feeling "it" causes gets only worse and more and more unbearable. All I know is that deep within me this demon will win, no matter how long or how hard I fight "it".
The stress caused by my own father is now so unbearable I despise coming home at night from work and I have started crying at night, at the end of my shift as I know I must come home and deal with this as I can no longer run or hide. Life itself is this great big mysterious thing we don't often enough appreciate or take the time to notice all of the wonders around us.