One last 2013 Meme
And since my lovely brother Jim sent me a Marilyn Monroe calendar, just because he, me, and she rocks, I will post each Month's Picture. This is January's.
Anyway, onto the meme..
Inside? I feel a good solid 28. Young, Fun, Interesting, and Interested but Wise, Seasoned, Knowledgeable, and more 'Zen' than I was at 18. But until I have this final surgery, my body can feel twice my age when the pain is bad. But after surgery, I will probably go back to feeling late twenties...until I get pregnant. That will make me change somehow, I am sure.
2.)Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Oh my Dog!! Never Trying!! A life of never trying anything, going anywhere, staying in your comfort zone afraid of failure is NOT an option for me!! I say this so much it's become cliche', but I mean it every time I say it: I NEVER want to be on my deathbed wondering why I never tried this or that. So everything that scared me but I was tempted by...I did. Sometimes I fell on my face and other times I took off like a butterfly, but I will NOT be close to my final days wondering "why didn't I.... fill-in-the-blank". I will never be dying wondering why I didn't try to make it as an artist in New York because I went and did it and tried for 5 or 6 years. The world wasn't ready for me yet (I am looking your way, Gaga). I will never wonder what it would have been like to have a relationship with a female. I've done that. I don't have to wonder if my band would have made it..we had a good go of it. Then I moved on. I don't have to have regrets and what-if's. People say I wasted a good chunk of 'my prime of life' on a man I didn't end up with. Going after someone you are in love with is a waste?? Leaving myself open while he decided whether he wanted his future to be with me in NYC or back home wasn't a waste. NOW, I never have to wonder if -that- would have or could have worked out. I KNOW it wouldn't have. I tried drugs that I was afraid of like Acid and discovered amazing wonders about myself and the things around me. I won't be on my deathbed wondering why I was too chicken-shit to go to a Rave and experience that. I have been able to act out or live out my fantasies. I always found gaming especially Larping silly because if you want to be someone else, be someone else. Change. I HATE to quote Rocky Horror, but Don't Dream It, Be It!! I never understood pretending to be whatever when you could BE whatever.... why play Rock Band or whatever when instead you could learn to play the bloody guitar!! I was nervous each and every time I got on a stage, be it to act, sing, dance, play piano or keyboards or just to speak, but I did it. Hell, I even passed out ON A STAGE... But DAMNIT, I walked up those stairs!!
3)If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
All the things I did or tried, I would have scrunched together into a tighter time-frame and given up after 3 years in New York. Only waited on that guy for 1 year. I would have lived the same, just faster. Oh, and all the abusive guys that I gave second chances to, trying to help or fix them?? One punch and I would have been out, mate. Or if I stayed to help you battle those demons I would have said 'it's been 3 months, you're still the same, I gotta roll' instead of staying another year to "help him". I would have literally been like "NEXT!!".
4)Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the Right things. Absolutely. Though openly agnostic, I strongly believe in 'doing unto others' and if EVERYBODY thought before they acted or spoke and said "Self, if I were in their shoes, what would I want to hear or have someone do??" and do/say THAT, how much happier the world would be. That's what I go with...How I would like others to treat me. It's so weird because apparently almost no one thinks about people around them. And I am a bloody Introvert!! Like the maintenance crew at our Condo. I saw one of them working on a tree late last Spring, sweating, and it was HOT. So I brought him and his friend out a couple bottles of water. I would want some if I were outside in the blazing sun with sweat pouring off of me!! And during the summer if I heard them outside, I would bring them one, or a selection, if we had Gatorade or a Pop. Something cold to drink in the middle of working outside in the summer heat, sounds simple. A child would think of it. But apparently, NOBODY sees them out there, making OUR area look beautiful, they just walk on by. "They get paid, they aren't my problem."
But it's 96 degrees and it's noon!! A bottle of water won't break you!! Anyway, One of the guys says "We all talk about the nice lady that lives here, how you and your husband bring us cool drinks and are so nice to us, stop and smile or talk to us". Other's just ignore them!! Anyway, their mowers and left blowers scare Miles, but if they see us walking him, they turn off their equipment until we are inside and the always make sure our porch is clear of leaves and snow, they go the extra mile for us. All because I asked if they were thirsty and brought out cold bottles of water. Such a SMALL gesture, but now they talk about how we are the "nice couple" in these Condos. I like to do things correctly, I do...but if it's a choice, I have never lost sleep when I have done the right thing. I let that guide me. Even when it has guided me into being a doormat.
5.)Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
I already am a worried genius. ;) I JOKE that ignorance is bliss and how much I would LOVE to be blissful, but in the end, I couldn't live my life, watching and ACTUALLY giving a shit about American Idol, America's Got Talent, reading what's on the best-seller list, believing the bible is an ACTUAL real book of real events and is the word of some mythical being in the sky called God. Listening to what's on the top 40, eating dead cow and not caring about where, how, and when it was BUTCHERED just for ME to eat. ::shakes head in disgust:: It's TEMPTING to say being a joyful simpleton but in the end, there are enough of those running a muck, I think I will just stay too smart for my own good and constantly nervous and concerned.
6)Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Yes. Has it happened. No. I am a little more sensitive and caring than most people and that makes me a loyal, johnny-on-the-spot friend. I don't really get that in return, unless I am in crisis and I call slabgar, in which case, he drops everything and is truly there for me. In our case though, he doesn't have many crisises and his way of thinking is "You already go out of your way for everybody else and you already have everyone else's issues and problems consuming your headspace, time, and actions, who is there to take care of you??" So since he has been my best friend longer than not and he is my steady, stable rock, I allow him to be that for ME, though it's hard. Sometimes I hope he has an issue so that I can be of service and help HIM, but.... So yeah, for the most part I give and others take, but that is fine because in half the cases, they never asked for anything, I am just a giver. So they did nothing wrong by taking, in fact, that makes me happy. But I am taken for granted often and the ones that do it really have no clue. But I keep mum. After all, that's what friends are for. =)
7.)Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
Yes and Yes. Because had that not happened/occurred, EVERYTHING could have veered off into a different path.
8.)At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
I don't know what "recent" means to the writer of this. Last 5 years, 1 year, months? I guess having Miles has made me feel alive and we (Robert and I) love him PASSIONATELY. Until my spine is well enough to carry a child, he is our baby, and he makes us so happy and excited. Until we can have fur-less babies, when we are in our HUGE King Size bed, Miles wedged between us, the kitty curled up on the corner or behind Robert..those are the moments we live for. Snuggling with each other and Miles. I rub Ro's hands and he rubs my shoulders and we pet Miles and say "isn't this great?!"
9)If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No, I would START it. Working at clubs at tending bar always got in the way of my art. With a Million (after setting everyone I love up) I would work on my novel.
10)If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Mum and Jim
11)What do you feel is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive is going through the motions and truly living is enjoying your life, making the most of everything, doing what you want to do as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, and really *loving* being alive.
12)If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Hindsight is always 20/20. You never think in the moment "I am going to learn from this later on". Also, sadly, a great number of people DON'T learn from their mistakes. Plus, mistakes are never fun in the moment and we are a very 'in the moment' sort of society.
13)What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I can't think of anything. I pretty much live the life I want to and am not embarrassed or ashamed of my choices... I might tell more people off and eat junk food. Not in the order necessarily.
14)If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Always be true to yourself. No matter how weird, how odd, how strange you THINK you are, somebody in the world is looking for someone EXACTLY like you...as a friend...as an employee...and as a lifemate. BE YOU, as long as you're not a rapist or murderer...in which case, get help.
Miles was sleeping in his 'SuperDog' pose again but opened his eyes as the shutter went off.
Okay, if you don't hear from me in awhile, it's because Winter Storm Janus is coming right toward us and a foot (No I am Not Kidding) of snow is expected to fall over the next 24 hours. It actually really makes me miss my bio-dad. He may be absentee most of the time but recently, he was always on top of the weather where I am and warning me about storms and checking in with me etc. It really touched me that he cared enough to...I dunno.. act like a Dad, I guess. Or be concerned. I don't know how else to describe it. So I miss that. Wish I knew why they were doing this to me.
Anyway if you are in the Path of Janus, stay warm and hold on folks, this one is gonna be a doozy.
Anyway, onto the meme..
Inside? I feel a good solid 28. Young, Fun, Interesting, and Interested but Wise, Seasoned, Knowledgeable, and more 'Zen' than I was at 18. But until I have this final surgery, my body can feel twice my age when the pain is bad. But after surgery, I will probably go back to feeling late twenties...until I get pregnant. That will make me change somehow, I am sure.
2.)Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Oh my Dog!! Never Trying!! A life of never trying anything, going anywhere, staying in your comfort zone afraid of failure is NOT an option for me!! I say this so much it's become cliche', but I mean it every time I say it: I NEVER want to be on my deathbed wondering why I never tried this or that. So everything that scared me but I was tempted by...I did. Sometimes I fell on my face and other times I took off like a butterfly, but I will NOT be close to my final days wondering "why didn't I.... fill-in-the-blank". I will never be dying wondering why I didn't try to make it as an artist in New York because I went and did it and tried for 5 or 6 years. The world wasn't ready for me yet (I am looking your way, Gaga). I will never wonder what it would have been like to have a relationship with a female. I've done that. I don't have to wonder if my band would have made it..we had a good go of it. Then I moved on. I don't have to have regrets and what-if's. People say I wasted a good chunk of 'my prime of life' on a man I didn't end up with. Going after someone you are in love with is a waste?? Leaving myself open while he decided whether he wanted his future to be with me in NYC or back home wasn't a waste. NOW, I never have to wonder if -that- would have or could have worked out. I KNOW it wouldn't have. I tried drugs that I was afraid of like Acid and discovered amazing wonders about myself and the things around me. I won't be on my deathbed wondering why I was too chicken-shit to go to a Rave and experience that. I have been able to act out or live out my fantasies. I always found gaming especially Larping silly because if you want to be someone else, be someone else. Change. I HATE to quote Rocky Horror, but Don't Dream It, Be It!! I never understood pretending to be whatever when you could BE whatever.... why play Rock Band or whatever when instead you could learn to play the bloody guitar!! I was nervous each and every time I got on a stage, be it to act, sing, dance, play piano or keyboards or just to speak, but I did it. Hell, I even passed out ON A STAGE... But DAMNIT, I walked up those stairs!!
3)If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
All the things I did or tried, I would have scrunched together into a tighter time-frame and given up after 3 years in New York. Only waited on that guy for 1 year. I would have lived the same, just faster. Oh, and all the abusive guys that I gave second chances to, trying to help or fix them?? One punch and I would have been out, mate. Or if I stayed to help you battle those demons I would have said 'it's been 3 months, you're still the same, I gotta roll' instead of staying another year to "help him". I would have literally been like "NEXT!!".
4)Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the Right things. Absolutely. Though openly agnostic, I strongly believe in 'doing unto others' and if EVERYBODY thought before they acted or spoke and said "Self, if I were in their shoes, what would I want to hear or have someone do??" and do/say THAT, how much happier the world would be. That's what I go with...How I would like others to treat me. It's so weird because apparently almost no one thinks about people around them. And I am a bloody Introvert!! Like the maintenance crew at our Condo. I saw one of them working on a tree late last Spring, sweating, and it was HOT. So I brought him and his friend out a couple bottles of water. I would want some if I were outside in the blazing sun with sweat pouring off of me!! And during the summer if I heard them outside, I would bring them one, or a selection, if we had Gatorade or a Pop. Something cold to drink in the middle of working outside in the summer heat, sounds simple. A child would think of it. But apparently, NOBODY sees them out there, making OUR area look beautiful, they just walk on by. "They get paid, they aren't my problem."
But it's 96 degrees and it's noon!! A bottle of water won't break you!! Anyway, One of the guys says "We all talk about the nice lady that lives here, how you and your husband bring us cool drinks and are so nice to us, stop and smile or talk to us". Other's just ignore them!! Anyway, their mowers and left blowers scare Miles, but if they see us walking him, they turn off their equipment until we are inside and the always make sure our porch is clear of leaves and snow, they go the extra mile for us. All because I asked if they were thirsty and brought out cold bottles of water. Such a SMALL gesture, but now they talk about how we are the "nice couple" in these Condos. I like to do things correctly, I do...but if it's a choice, I have never lost sleep when I have done the right thing. I let that guide me. Even when it has guided me into being a doormat.
5.)Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
I already am a worried genius. ;) I JOKE that ignorance is bliss and how much I would LOVE to be blissful, but in the end, I couldn't live my life, watching and ACTUALLY giving a shit about American Idol, America's Got Talent, reading what's on the best-seller list, believing the bible is an ACTUAL real book of real events and is the word of some mythical being in the sky called God. Listening to what's on the top 40, eating dead cow and not caring about where, how, and when it was BUTCHERED just for ME to eat. ::shakes head in disgust:: It's TEMPTING to say being a joyful simpleton but in the end, there are enough of those running a muck, I think I will just stay too smart for my own good and constantly nervous and concerned.
6)Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Yes. Has it happened. No. I am a little more sensitive and caring than most people and that makes me a loyal, johnny-on-the-spot friend. I don't really get that in return, unless I am in crisis and I call slabgar, in which case, he drops everything and is truly there for me. In our case though, he doesn't have many crisises and his way of thinking is "You already go out of your way for everybody else and you already have everyone else's issues and problems consuming your headspace, time, and actions, who is there to take care of you??" So since he has been my best friend longer than not and he is my steady, stable rock, I allow him to be that for ME, though it's hard. Sometimes I hope he has an issue so that I can be of service and help HIM, but.... So yeah, for the most part I give and others take, but that is fine because in half the cases, they never asked for anything, I am just a giver. So they did nothing wrong by taking, in fact, that makes me happy. But I am taken for granted often and the ones that do it really have no clue. But I keep mum. After all, that's what friends are for. =)
7.)Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
Yes and Yes. Because had that not happened/occurred, EVERYTHING could have veered off into a different path.
8.)At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
I don't know what "recent" means to the writer of this. Last 5 years, 1 year, months? I guess having Miles has made me feel alive and we (Robert and I) love him PASSIONATELY. Until my spine is well enough to carry a child, he is our baby, and he makes us so happy and excited. Until we can have fur-less babies, when we are in our HUGE King Size bed, Miles wedged between us, the kitty curled up on the corner or behind Robert..those are the moments we live for. Snuggling with each other and Miles. I rub Ro's hands and he rubs my shoulders and we pet Miles and say "isn't this great?!"
9)If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No, I would START it. Working at clubs at tending bar always got in the way of my art. With a Million (after setting everyone I love up) I would work on my novel.
10)If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Mum and Jim
11)What do you feel is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive is going through the motions and truly living is enjoying your life, making the most of everything, doing what you want to do as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, and really *loving* being alive.
12)If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Hindsight is always 20/20. You never think in the moment "I am going to learn from this later on". Also, sadly, a great number of people DON'T learn from their mistakes. Plus, mistakes are never fun in the moment and we are a very 'in the moment' sort of society.
13)What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I can't think of anything. I pretty much live the life I want to and am not embarrassed or ashamed of my choices... I might tell more people off and eat junk food. Not in the order necessarily.
14)If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Always be true to yourself. No matter how weird, how odd, how strange you THINK you are, somebody in the world is looking for someone EXACTLY like you...as a friend...as an employee...and as a lifemate. BE YOU, as long as you're not a rapist or murderer...in which case, get help.
Miles was sleeping in his 'SuperDog' pose again but opened his eyes as the shutter went off.
Okay, if you don't hear from me in awhile, it's because Winter Storm Janus is coming right toward us and a foot (No I am Not Kidding) of snow is expected to fall over the next 24 hours. It actually really makes me miss my bio-dad. He may be absentee most of the time but recently, he was always on top of the weather where I am and warning me about storms and checking in with me etc. It really touched me that he cared enough to...I dunno.. act like a Dad, I guess. Or be concerned. I don't know how else to describe it. So I miss that. Wish I knew why they were doing this to me.
Anyway if you are in the Path of Janus, stay warm and hold on folks, this one is gonna be a doozy.