Monster Creating
I will try to go over the facts in an orderly fashion.
1) It's known I have dabbled...okay, more than dabbled in the bondage, D/s, BDsM thing. It's still part of our lives and I have -usually- identified as submissive, in my personal life. This being odd since I am usually so dominate and lead/manage so well in my professional life.
2) The stronger Robert's love and security made me, the less I needed every step to be planned out by someone else. This including dropping bad habits while keeping core values. Since this has made me healthier, he has supported this and it only drew me closer too him.
3) Yet still, I am a people pleaser. Yes, Introverted, but should people come my way, I go out of -my- way for them. I like to be warm, polite, kind, let them feel safe, happy, and that they are 'okay' with me. I am also very polite. This comes from good breeding. From the time I could write, I wrote 'thank you' cards.
4) I sometimes annoy others (and especially him, since he is around me constantly) with my niceness and apologies. That comes from a place of guilt, religion in childhood?, I really don't know, but I apologize for EVERYTHING, and I mean it. A waiter drops a cup of tea on me, -I- apologize. Why? I know he is embarrassed, I know he might get in trouble, I know he has to remake my tea, I am sorry. So I say so. Someone is sick, I say I am sorry. They say 'Why? you didn't give me this flu'(or herpes, or rash or whatever)). Yet I am genuinely sorry that they are sick and have to feel bad. People tell me to stop saying "I'm sorry", and out of my mouth pops "Oh, I'm sorry" (because I did not mean to annoy them) and SHIT, I just did it again. That's me.... for as long as I can remember, that is me in an "Unguarded Moment".
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Meanwhile, back at the ranch....
5) We go to 7-11 a few hours ago. That bitch cashier did about 6 or 7 REALLY stupid things and I won't bore you with them, but the first few, I thanked my lucky stars I could never be that empty and stupid. 4,5, and 6 frustrated me because as I asked her questions on why she didn't just do X in this simple way, she stared at me with the fattest, dumbest, most hallow, mouth open, "WHHHAAAAATTT????" ::scratches dirty head:: look that just began to enrage me (Ex: If something is 19 dollars and 19 cents and I give you a 20 dollar bill and 19 cent, what does that imply? You are correct (I pick smart friends), that I want a dollar back. "We don't/can't do that here" or "why didn't you just give me the 20, that would cover it". Because I don't want 81 cents, you beast of ignorance. Or the ones that have to READ THE REGISTER if something is a dollar 60 and I give two dollars in order to know how much change to give me. It was one of THOSE fucking idiots. THEN she stopped talking altogether, like a mute, and due to HER mistake of ringing up a coffee I DID NOT WANT and said multiple times that I didn't want it told me she couldn't take back the order. This meant Robert HAD TO BUY THIS FUCKING THING WE DID NOT WANT because that STUPID cunt didn't know what to do to erase that order and thus he did NOT have the money to buy the pack of cigarettes that WE CAME THERE TO BUY. (Forgive my crass and angry language, but no other words cover it).
6)We walk out. But something in me snapped. Normally, I don't do this. Normally, if a barmaid fucked up my drink, I give her my money and drink the swill anyway, PLUS still tip well. If a server brought me the wrong thing, I don't correct them, I just eat it to not make waves (unless it's meat or something, then I ask for a doggy bag, leave, and give it to a homeless person or something). But this chick had me so flamed up, you could stick a fork in me because I WAS D.O.N.E.!!!!
7) Robert tells me to let it go (which is weird, usually he embarrasses me or I am begging him not to do/say something). I may be closer to a switch these days, but I still lean FAR to the submissive side. He is yelling "Dinah, no..no..no..NO...COME BACK...NO..NONONONO!!!
8) I disobeyed.
9) I went back in and taught that c%$t some manners. I said next time X happens, you do this. Next time Y happens, you do that. And the next time Z happens, you do such and such. It's common courtesy and though you have the "common" part down, politeness, manners, and common sense must not be taught here as it is where I come from.
10) Robert's mad.
11) I am mad that -he- is actually upset that I limped back in to teach her some freaking manners. I say "Well, now she knows. Next time, that won't happen and someone else won't have her ruin their freaking day/night."
12) We argue and finally agree that -she- is the f&*king problem and we cool our heels.
13) We have to go back out and upon returning, I see a neighbor sitting outside. Just sitting there. No paper, perhaps he had coffee, maybe just wanted to watch the sun rise. "Morning!!" I say in a voice that he could hear and wave with my left (non-cane) hand. Nothing. Ro says 'he probably didn't hear you over the birds, let's just go inside'
14) I Disobey.
15) "Good Morning" a little louder. Ro whispers, "Dinah, just let it go."
16) I disobey and raise my voice "Good Morning To You, Sir!!!!" and wave as high as my free arm would. He waves back. I am finally satisfied.
17) Robert unlocks our door and asks what's come over me. "I am sick and tired of rude, mean, ignorant, disrespectful, unkind, and impolite people and I am going to fucking teach these pricks some goddamn manners!!! I am DONE. D.O.N.E. People are going to be at least half as nice to me as I am to them, be they stranger or friend. Or else I will let them know they are lacking in etiquette and embarrass them into reading a fucking BOOK on the subject. The library is free, close, and has plenty of Emily Post and other books on how to treat others. Their parents screwed up and never instilled any common decency in these people so -I- WILL.
18) Robert puts his face in his hands and mutters 'oh god' because he knows I mean it and I am fired up. We call this a civilization and yet people aren't civil. No Sir (or Mam) Not anymore and Not to me. I am DONE.
19) My boys (Miles and Ro) are sleeping soundly.
20) I feel better by telling you guys about it.
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