Am I a turnip? from Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum

[ihcoyc]

No. XIV

O Mommer! wasn't Mame a looty toot
Last night when at the Rainbow Social Club
She did the bunny hug with every scrub
From Hogan's Alley to the Dutchmen's Boot,
While little Willie, like a plug-eared mute,
Papered the wall and helped absorb the grub,
Played nest-egg with the benches like a dub
When hot society was easy fruit!

Am I a turnip? On the strict Q.T.,
Why do my Trilbys get so ossified?
Why am I minus when it's up to me
To brace my Paris Pansy for a glide?
Once more my hoodoo's thrown the game and scored
A flock of zeros on my tally-board.

- Wallace Irwin, The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum, 1901

Wallace Irwin's writing is mostly forgotten today; he's mostly remembered currently for creating a Japanese stereotype comic character named Hashimura Togo, which in its day was made into a motion picture, but now is chiefly remembered by academics who want an easy way to demonstrate their moral superiority over the casual racial stereotypes of their great-grandfathers.