useless ramblings that no one, not even myself will get.
people are assholes. i don't like this.
i want to be a bitch to new people i meet to let the person know that they can't control me. i end up being hated. i act like i'm just fine with not having any friends. i want to have some so desperately.
friends tell me that they hate me, at first i react with so much anger and then i realize that they don't mean shit to me. strangers tell me they hate me and their words stick me with forever. their voices playing over and over in my head.
i try to seem caring and helpful when i can't help myself and i don't honestly know if i care or not. you tell me something sad and i act like i am too but then i smile a minute later.
something upsetting happens and i deal with it. usually for a short period of time and then i forget it. i hate things that don't bring happiness. i hate remembering nightmares.
i want to run away. i want to cut off all connections from the people i have relationships with. i want to start over again. i wish i had a restart button.
i hate beauty. i hate looks. i care too fucking much about mine. i want to be ugly. i hate people who tell me i'm pretty. it's stupid.
i hate not knowing who i am. i hate that i don't make sense. i hate that i'm going to come back to this entry and not know what the fuck i was thinking while i was writing it. i hate that no one else will understand this. i want someone to figure out whats wrong with me.
im honest and i don't tell lies but i never speak up. i don't want to be afraid to say everything i think about.
im tired. and im sick of writing these short sentences but thats all my mind is producing now. im just a fucking contradiction.
i want to be a bitch to new people i meet to let the person know that they can't control me. i end up being hated. i act like i'm just fine with not having any friends. i want to have some so desperately.
friends tell me that they hate me, at first i react with so much anger and then i realize that they don't mean shit to me. strangers tell me they hate me and their words stick me with forever. their voices playing over and over in my head.
i try to seem caring and helpful when i can't help myself and i don't honestly know if i care or not. you tell me something sad and i act like i am too but then i smile a minute later.
something upsetting happens and i deal with it. usually for a short period of time and then i forget it. i hate things that don't bring happiness. i hate remembering nightmares.
i want to run away. i want to cut off all connections from the people i have relationships with. i want to start over again. i wish i had a restart button.
i hate beauty. i hate looks. i care too fucking much about mine. i want to be ugly. i hate people who tell me i'm pretty. it's stupid.
i hate not knowing who i am. i hate that i don't make sense. i hate that i'm going to come back to this entry and not know what the fuck i was thinking while i was writing it. i hate that no one else will understand this. i want someone to figure out whats wrong with me.
im honest and i don't tell lies but i never speak up. i don't want to be afraid to say everything i think about.
im tired. and im sick of writing these short sentences but thats all my mind is producing now. im just a fucking contradiction.