(no subject)
How has my week been at home? For the most part I've enjoyed myself and it's been enjoyable seeing faces that are not connected to my university life (and I've loved seeing my family, especially mah mummy), but, oh my goodness, do some of my friends have PROBLEMS. In various ways.
Just, argh, the amount of times I've been struck silent for various reasons.. it's silly. I love my friends, I'm friends with them for a reason right? But if I'm honest, and I am dear LJ, with you I am honest, I don't feel like I can ever open up to people. I can think about it in my head, play it all through, know what I want/need to say, but I never do it. Maybe it's fear, maybe it's just not me trusting anyone with what goes on in my head.
With John, for the most part, I am honest, but.. I rarely speak to him anymore. So when my friend complains that she can only see her partner on the weekends I'm like.. "OMFG." When I next see John it'll have been seven weeks (and a bit) since I last saw him.. and it tears me apart inside, because I'm not beautiful, I'm not stunning, I'm (probably) not the best catch in the world (I'm pretty fucked up if truth be told), but I love him. With everything I have. And right now, I miss him so much. And I have another four and a half weeks to go til I see him.
So, I'm going to go back to Wales, pretend everything is hunky dory. Get through.. something next week.. and then crack on with essays and work.
I need to lie in bed with John and be held. (4 and a half weeks)
Just, argh, the amount of times I've been struck silent for various reasons.. it's silly. I love my friends, I'm friends with them for a reason right? But if I'm honest, and I am dear LJ, with you I am honest, I don't feel like I can ever open up to people. I can think about it in my head, play it all through, know what I want/need to say, but I never do it. Maybe it's fear, maybe it's just not me trusting anyone with what goes on in my head.
With John, for the most part, I am honest, but.. I rarely speak to him anymore. So when my friend complains that she can only see her partner on the weekends I'm like.. "OMFG." When I next see John it'll have been seven weeks (and a bit) since I last saw him.. and it tears me apart inside, because I'm not beautiful, I'm not stunning, I'm (probably) not the best catch in the world (I'm pretty fucked up if truth be told), but I love him. With everything I have. And right now, I miss him so much. And I have another four and a half weeks to go til I see him.
So, I'm going to go back to Wales, pretend everything is hunky dory. Get through.. something next week.. and then crack on with essays and work.
I need to lie in bed with John and be held. (4 and a half weeks)