(no subject)
I'm in a bit of a dangerous mood, and there are reasons for this.. which include: almost being on my period, feeling like no one here actually enjoys my company but tolerates me and I haven't been out for over a week with any of them and I'm feeling 'left out' so I'm sitting in my room with a beer.. brilliant idea.
I miss John, but really I miss what was. The 'innocence' of what we used to have, how carefree it was, all the time we had together and (probably) wasted away. From now on nothing will be the same. If we're together at the end of our degrees he's then going to be working irregular and oddly timed shifts as a nurse, and I don't know what I'll be doing. Sitting around, waiting for him? And then typing that here I realise that's what I tend to, that's my place in the relationship. I wait, he takes advantage of me always being there.
So.
I miss John, but really I miss what was. The 'innocence' of what we used to have, how carefree it was, all the time we had together and (probably) wasted away. From now on nothing will be the same. If we're together at the end of our degrees he's then going to be working irregular and oddly timed shifts as a nurse, and I don't know what I'll be doing. Sitting around, waiting for him? And then typing that here I realise that's what I tend to, that's my place in the relationship. I wait, he takes advantage of me always being there.
So.