Enjoy at your own discretion
I wrote this for raemcn and spikeslovebite over at nekid_spike but thought I would post it here as well. It's my very first Spike/Buffy/Angel threesome and let me just say, this is beyond insanity.
Title: Warring Impulses
Starring: Good Buffy, Bad Buffy, Spike and Angel
Rating: R?
Disclaimer: Joss and his characters are in no way insane, except in my mind.
Summary: Good Buffy and Bad Buffy fight about sex, Spike and Angel. Ok, so maybe there is a little bit of good natured parody in here.
Warning: Viewers may feel mentally disturbed. In addition, the characters are probably OOC.
Good Buffy: God, it’s illegal for vampires other than Angel to look that hot!
Bad Buffy: Yeah, let’s jump him and have hot, violent sex with him. You know you want to.
Good Buffy: NO! Buffy is a good girl who deserves better than a well-hung, evil, sexy, undead guy who can make her come a bazillion times in five hours…wait, what was my point again?
Bad Buffy: Baby, come to mommy!
Good Buffy: Wait! No! Stop doing that, hand!
Bad Buffy: *snickers* Go ahead, right hand, grab his balls! I give you permission!
Good Buffy: No no no no! Not my mouth too!
Bad Buffy: *slurps* I’m in heaven…wait, should I be saying hell? Oh, whatever…
Good Buffy: Tongue! Remove yourself from Spike’s mouth now!
Bad Buffy: Stop whining, goody-goody. A girl’s trying to have some fun right here.
Good Buffy: Shut up! Ah! He’s touching me there!!! *gets fainter*
Bad Buffy: Legs, you have permission to wrap yourself around him.
Good Buffy: I…need…to…resist…
Bad Buffy: That’s it, lick his luscious neck! Attack his muscular chest! Rip his tight jeans open!
Good Buffy: I…won’t…let…him…in…Will…squeeze…him…out…with…muscles…
Bad Buffy: On the count of three, impale!
Good Buffy: damn…need…to…regroup…
Bad Buffy: Oh yeah! Ride him until he dies…wait, he is dead.
Good Buffy: *voice a mere whisper now*
Bad Buffy: Hahahaha! I win…his long, wonderful cock is mine!
Good Buffy:….
Bad Buffy: Eek! Is that Angel?
Good Buffy: Angel?
Bad Buffy: No! Legs, don’t you dare get off Spike!
Good Buffy: You may have the legs but I have the arms, bitch! I’ll drag myself off Spike even if it kills him.
Bad Buffy: C’mon, Spike. Help me here!
Good Buffy: Did he just smile at me? Oh…doesn’t he look all cute and cuddly with his tousled curls and his bright baby blue eyes…no! Good girls can only be with Angel!
Bad Buffy: *snorts* Like he is badass enough to satisfy us…
Good Buffy: Not everything’s about sex, you skanky ho!
Bad Buffy: Riiight…you’re the one who slept with Angel when you were barely old enough.
Good Buffy: If you weren’t me, I’d knock you out now!
Bad Buffy: Ooh, is the good girl getting all violenty?
Good Buffy: Aaaangel! Make her shut up!
Angel: Can you get off Spike now? I need to drag him off for some Sire/Childe bonding time.
Bad Buffy: With oil? Can I watch?
Spike: Angel! Get me away from the bloody bint. She’s driving me starkers!
Good Buffy: Nobody goes off with my Angel!
Bad Buffy: Hands, let go of Spike’s hard bicep now. If you’re gonna grab something, at least go for his pole!
Angel: Is she talking to herself?
Spike: Yeah…at first, it was a hoot but then, it just got bloody annoying…
Good Buffy: You’re the one who’s annoying, Blondie!
Bad Buffy: Are you two boys gonna do it or what? If not, I want Spike’s cock back.
Angel: *growls* Spike is coming with me now!
Good Buffy: What about me?
Angel: Sorry, Buffy. If you check back with my secretary, I’m sure she can make you an appointment. I’ve got two hours of hair gel sessions and eight hours of Sire/Childe bonding time scheduled today. I’m fully booked.
Good Buffy: It’s all your fault, Spike! I’m going to stake you!
Spike: Luv, come with us and I’ll stake you! *leers*
Bad Buffy: Good idea. I’ll even let broody un-badass have a turn.
Angel: Hey! I’m a total bad ass. Who do you think taught Spike here?
Bad Buffy: *rolls eyes* Well, hurry up. My cunny can’t exactly wait.
Good Buffy: *sobs* I hate all of you!
Angel: *sighs* If I kiss you, will you be good?
Bad Buffy: Depends on where you kiss me…
Good Buffy: Don’t listen to her. Kiss me Angel...*closes eyes* Oh god, Angel! Your lips feel so good down there…and Spike, stop nibbing my neck - you feel horrible!
Angel: Screw you! *storms off*
Bad Buffy: Hehe, guess again, darling.
Title: Warring Impulses
Starring: Good Buffy, Bad Buffy, Spike and Angel
Rating: R?
Disclaimer: Joss and his characters are in no way insane, except in my mind.
Summary: Good Buffy and Bad Buffy fight about sex, Spike and Angel. Ok, so maybe there is a little bit of good natured parody in here.
Warning: Viewers may feel mentally disturbed. In addition, the characters are probably OOC.
Good Buffy: God, it’s illegal for vampires other than Angel to look that hot!
Bad Buffy: Yeah, let’s jump him and have hot, violent sex with him. You know you want to.
Good Buffy: NO! Buffy is a good girl who deserves better than a well-hung, evil, sexy, undead guy who can make her come a bazillion times in five hours…wait, what was my point again?
Bad Buffy: Baby, come to mommy!
Good Buffy: Wait! No! Stop doing that, hand!
Bad Buffy: *snickers* Go ahead, right hand, grab his balls! I give you permission!
Good Buffy: No no no no! Not my mouth too!
Bad Buffy: *slurps* I’m in heaven…wait, should I be saying hell? Oh, whatever…
Good Buffy: Tongue! Remove yourself from Spike’s mouth now!
Bad Buffy: Stop whining, goody-goody. A girl’s trying to have some fun right here.
Good Buffy: Shut up! Ah! He’s touching me there!!! *gets fainter*
Bad Buffy: Legs, you have permission to wrap yourself around him.
Good Buffy: I…need…to…resist…
Bad Buffy: That’s it, lick his luscious neck! Attack his muscular chest! Rip his tight jeans open!
Good Buffy: I…won’t…let…him…in…Will…squeeze…him…out…with…muscles…
Bad Buffy: On the count of three, impale!
Good Buffy: damn…need…to…regroup…
Bad Buffy: Oh yeah! Ride him until he dies…wait, he is dead.
Good Buffy: *voice a mere whisper now*
Bad Buffy: Hahahaha! I win…his long, wonderful cock is mine!
Good Buffy:….
Bad Buffy: Eek! Is that Angel?
Good Buffy: Angel?
Bad Buffy: No! Legs, don’t you dare get off Spike!
Good Buffy: You may have the legs but I have the arms, bitch! I’ll drag myself off Spike even if it kills him.
Bad Buffy: C’mon, Spike. Help me here!
Good Buffy: Did he just smile at me? Oh…doesn’t he look all cute and cuddly with his tousled curls and his bright baby blue eyes…no! Good girls can only be with Angel!
Bad Buffy: *snorts* Like he is badass enough to satisfy us…
Good Buffy: Not everything’s about sex, you skanky ho!
Bad Buffy: Riiight…you’re the one who slept with Angel when you were barely old enough.
Good Buffy: If you weren’t me, I’d knock you out now!
Bad Buffy: Ooh, is the good girl getting all violenty?
Good Buffy: Aaaangel! Make her shut up!
Angel: Can you get off Spike now? I need to drag him off for some Sire/Childe bonding time.
Bad Buffy: With oil? Can I watch?
Spike: Angel! Get me away from the bloody bint. She’s driving me starkers!
Good Buffy: Nobody goes off with my Angel!
Bad Buffy: Hands, let go of Spike’s hard bicep now. If you’re gonna grab something, at least go for his pole!
Angel: Is she talking to herself?
Spike: Yeah…at first, it was a hoot but then, it just got bloody annoying…
Good Buffy: You’re the one who’s annoying, Blondie!
Bad Buffy: Are you two boys gonna do it or what? If not, I want Spike’s cock back.
Angel: *growls* Spike is coming with me now!
Good Buffy: What about me?
Angel: Sorry, Buffy. If you check back with my secretary, I’m sure she can make you an appointment. I’ve got two hours of hair gel sessions and eight hours of Sire/Childe bonding time scheduled today. I’m fully booked.
Good Buffy: It’s all your fault, Spike! I’m going to stake you!
Spike: Luv, come with us and I’ll stake you! *leers*
Bad Buffy: Good idea. I’ll even let broody un-badass have a turn.
Angel: Hey! I’m a total bad ass. Who do you think taught Spike here?
Bad Buffy: *rolls eyes* Well, hurry up. My cunny can’t exactly wait.
Good Buffy: *sobs* I hate all of you!
Angel: *sighs* If I kiss you, will you be good?
Bad Buffy: Depends on where you kiss me…
Good Buffy: Don’t listen to her. Kiss me Angel...*closes eyes* Oh god, Angel! Your lips feel so good down there…and Spike, stop nibbing my neck - you feel horrible!
Angel: Screw you! *storms off*
Bad Buffy: Hehe, guess again, darling.