(no subject)
I'm so frustrated. I don't know what to do anymore, or where to start. My life is fucked up, and I feel like it's beyond repairing.
I'm in debt, I'm continously forced to move, I have social and emotional problems so badly that I can barely function without someone there to hold my hand. My plans are never going to come to pass because everytime I feel like I'm managing to get somewhere, something else fucks up and I have no clue where to go from there.
I've finally come to accept that there is no one I can rely on, nothing I can hope will change my life. It's going to be like this forever. I'm going to keep screwing up until I end up dead, or in jail.
I keep finding myself in money troubles, and they're usually serious ones. My mother keeps lying to me, my father doesn't want anything to do with me, and I don't have the rest of my family to turn to.
The only men who've wanted the same things I have, I've been too scared of hurting, or I've been too stressed, or located too far from to entertain the real posibility of having something. The only men I've actually loved so much it feels like I could just give myself to them completely, don't want me. They want some of what I am, but not everything, and I'm tired of having to change.
I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't. I'm not sure I -can-.
I just wish I had one thing in my life that worked. That was right. That didn't hurt. Just one thing? Please?