(no subject)
Okay, so I am going to expand a bit on the entry I said I wouldn't. I guess knowing isn't the right word, because I don't know for certain. There are too many conflicting things for me to be sure. I've resigned myself to two things. First, that I will never know one way or the other. Second, it doesn't really matter.
The last few days, things have continued to come together for me. Further talks with people have opened my eyes a bit more - being completely consumed by my anger and hatred is not the path I want to take. Neither is being a doormat. Yes, I am angry with Jess over this whole situation. Yes, I'm even angrier at Ryan. Am I going to focus on it? No. Yes, there will be thoughts about it, maybe even the occasional bitter remark.
I recently got back in touch with a friend from some years ago. Getting away with her this weekend has been nice. Away from all the things that are Jess' or ours... It's a relief, and I can't wait to be out of that apartment for good.
Yes, it's been very nice, and for more reasons than just that...
*EDIT* I'd like to clarify one thing - no, I didn't do anything self-destructive like starting another relationship or getting married or anything like that. She and I both know where things stand, there are no expectations or pre-conceptions. I don't know, maybe we've talked things over too much, too clinically.
But that doesn't change feelings, or that this weekend has been good.
The last few days, things have continued to come together for me. Further talks with people have opened my eyes a bit more - being completely consumed by my anger and hatred is not the path I want to take. Neither is being a doormat. Yes, I am angry with Jess over this whole situation. Yes, I'm even angrier at Ryan. Am I going to focus on it? No. Yes, there will be thoughts about it, maybe even the occasional bitter remark.
I recently got back in touch with a friend from some years ago. Getting away with her this weekend has been nice. Away from all the things that are Jess' or ours... It's a relief, and I can't wait to be out of that apartment for good.
Yes, it's been very nice, and for more reasons than just that...
*EDIT* I'd like to clarify one thing - no, I didn't do anything self-destructive like starting another relationship or getting married or anything like that. She and I both know where things stand, there are no expectations or pre-conceptions. I don't know, maybe we've talked things over too much, too clinically.
But that doesn't change feelings, or that this weekend has been good.