As I commented to vacantroom, I think I edited this post after comments were left. I've reached a strange sort of motivated optimism in the last couple of hours. I didn't even notice it happening. But then again, how often do any of us really notice the little things adding up? Not until it turns into something major.
Odd how that doesn't just apply to the negative things... Yet another thing to add to my list of things I never noticed.
I can't speak for her being okay or good. Recriminations aside, I can't help her with that now. As I said, I hope she does find her happiness. I can't speak for you either. At least I can offer you the help with that I can't offer Jess.
I'm well aware of the fact that you have fairly good idea about what it is about yourself that broke the bond. I'm also aware that you are not and will not look for sympathy among the your friends
( ... )
I think I've edited this post a couple times since you commented, but regardless of that...
I think you may have just nailed it for me. I honestly don't know. I DO know that the analyzing and deconstructing has been going on for some time, it's just gotten much more focused in the last few days. Today Jess even said that our relationship has been effectively dead for some time now, we just continued to hold on well after the bodybag was zipped. The analysis started a long time ago, but I think I'm finally getting around to processing it.
I know I shouldn't claim that she is guilt-free in the demise of our relationship. I know relationships aren't that one-sided. But I also know which facets of myself obstructed compromise, progress, and common ground. I don't think she knows that about herself.
Like I said in my last edit, I know I can do this.
Um, what Lam said. Not the parts about knowing you both better than lots of folks, but about the sharing of responsibility. And I'm glad to see you at a better place today.
True. I can always count on Lam to give me the reality checks I need. I won't say it'll be easy, nor that today went anywhere near as well as I'd hoped. But I can still look at everything and learn just a bit more. And at the end of the day, I suppose that's what counts - learning the things that will get me to where I need to be.
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i want you and her and me and everyone to be ok...to be good. what a fucking depressing night i'm having. (not your fault. sean's fault.)
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Odd how that doesn't just apply to the negative things... Yet another thing to add to my list of things I never noticed.
I can't speak for her being okay or good. Recriminations aside, I can't help her with that now. As I said, I hope she does find her happiness. I can't speak for you either. At least I can offer you the help with that I can't offer Jess.
As for me, I will be. Don't worry about that.
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I think you may have just nailed it for me. I honestly don't know. I DO know that the analyzing and deconstructing has been going on for some time, it's just gotten much more focused in the last few days. Today Jess even said that our relationship has been effectively dead for some time now, we just continued to hold on well after the bodybag was zipped. The analysis started a long time ago, but I think I'm finally getting around to processing it.
I know I shouldn't claim that she is guilt-free in the demise of our relationship. I know relationships aren't that one-sided. But I also know which facets of myself obstructed compromise, progress, and common ground. I don't think she knows that about herself.
Like I said in my last edit, I know I can do this.
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And I'm glad to see you at a better place today.
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