(no subject)
I start a lot of things I don't finish. There are multiple reasons for this and I understand them. Some of it is just getting bored. Some of it is having a bigger idea than I can truly complete (and not thinking things through). Some of it is insecurity, I guess, and getting upset when things aren't working out quite how I want. Sometimes I don't know how to get started.
So some things languish. And I also start a lot of things I like to call "depression projects." Like, I'll be at a low point and I think "If I do this thing, it will get my life purpose and meaning!" And then ... well, you know, when you're depressed it's hard to put energy into things. Depression projects will not save you. In fact, they often just make you feel like more of a failure. You can't even do the things you want to do!
That's what happened with Near Miss. That's definitely what happened with my whole fashion/comics project (although that was also a matter of not knowing quite what to do with it or where to start). But you know what? It's not like I can't go back to those things. It's not like I can try again.
I think Internet culture is all about the now -- it's like once something is posted online, that's it. That's the only chance you had at it. Sometimes I think that's good -- I think producing things and putting them out there and not caring if they're good or not can make me just power through. It makes me less concerned about the end result because it becomes just about doing it.
But to treat something like it's the final product just because it was posted online is silly. Things can be revised, changed shape. I should consider the things I put online a work in progress rather than the end result.
I'm learning. There's nothing at stake here, really.
I do want to take the Near Miss stuff I've already done and finish up the stuff I still have to do and release it as a ... I don't know. Kindle book? Something? The fashion stuff I still don't know what I want to do but like I said, it's still there (it basically has its own cubby hole of a shelf. And some of it is weird and obscure. Some of it I still need to find out there in the world).
I try hard to just do things to see where they go, without putting any goals at the end. I've been better at that in the past. I'll get there again.