ARGH.
I WAS JUST VIOLATED BY A MOUSE.
I'm not even kidding. Mouse! In my pants! NOT ENOUGH WORDS FOR ACCURATE FLAILING.
*flail*
I'm at a friend's house, hanging out because she's ill and it's better to be ill in the company of someone willing to fetch and carry and offer sympathy. (Though mostly we've just talked all day. And eaten kid food, like chicken drumsticks and hash browns. And watched Knight and Day.)
My friend has three cats and a boyfriend. Both of these will be relevent.
One of the cats was in the back yard, doing cat things and being mostly ignored. My friend, the boyfriend and I were in the kitchen, hanging out.
"Oh damn," says the friend, looking out the kitchen window. "Blake's got a mouse."
Boyfriend and I -- being nice -- went out to rescue the mouse. Boyfriend caught the cat with an impressive flying tackle, shook the cat, and the mouse dropped. It bolted into a corner of the yard, very much alive, but clearly bleeding. We decided to catch it and see if it could be helped.
I got a cardboard box.
The mouse bolted, froze, bolted, froze. I stayed in hot pursuit, trying to herd it against a wall without freaking it out. Bolted, froze. Boyfriend yelled suggestions. I got the mouse cornered, put my leg a little too close for it...
AND THE MOUSE RAN UP MY TROUSERS.
UP MY ACTUAL TROUSERS.
It went so fast I almost didn't see it. I didn't think it had, at first, until I felt the brush of fur against the back of my calf. I startled and felt all over my leg, flattening my baggy jeans down. No mouse, no mouse... Maybe it had just darted behind me?
THEN CLAWS ON THE BACK OF MY THIGH.
I yelped and shot up, slapping at the back of my leg. Boyfriend shouted questions. Little claws went skittering up my thigh, towards my butt. I spun around, grabbed my waistband, started to yank my trousers down--
Realized boyfriend was staring at me. Realized several neighbouring houses had a really good view.
FELT LITTLE MOUSE CLAWS ON MY BUTT.
Thank god for briefs. It stayed on the outside of cloth, shot up to the small of my back, popped out of my waistband and went FLYING across the yard to vanish around the side of the house. I stared after it. Boyfriend stared at me.
"Was that...?" he said.
"IT WAS IN MY PANTS," I said.
He howled laughing. I danced a little jig around and slapped at my leg a lot.
MOUSE IN MY PANTS. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?
I'm not even kidding. Mouse! In my pants! NOT ENOUGH WORDS FOR ACCURATE FLAILING.
*flail*
I'm at a friend's house, hanging out because she's ill and it's better to be ill in the company of someone willing to fetch and carry and offer sympathy. (Though mostly we've just talked all day. And eaten kid food, like chicken drumsticks and hash browns. And watched Knight and Day.)
My friend has three cats and a boyfriend. Both of these will be relevent.
One of the cats was in the back yard, doing cat things and being mostly ignored. My friend, the boyfriend and I were in the kitchen, hanging out.
"Oh damn," says the friend, looking out the kitchen window. "Blake's got a mouse."
Boyfriend and I -- being nice -- went out to rescue the mouse. Boyfriend caught the cat with an impressive flying tackle, shook the cat, and the mouse dropped. It bolted into a corner of the yard, very much alive, but clearly bleeding. We decided to catch it and see if it could be helped.
I got a cardboard box.
The mouse bolted, froze, bolted, froze. I stayed in hot pursuit, trying to herd it against a wall without freaking it out. Bolted, froze. Boyfriend yelled suggestions. I got the mouse cornered, put my leg a little too close for it...
AND THE MOUSE RAN UP MY TROUSERS.
UP MY ACTUAL TROUSERS.
It went so fast I almost didn't see it. I didn't think it had, at first, until I felt the brush of fur against the back of my calf. I startled and felt all over my leg, flattening my baggy jeans down. No mouse, no mouse... Maybe it had just darted behind me?
THEN CLAWS ON THE BACK OF MY THIGH.
I yelped and shot up, slapping at the back of my leg. Boyfriend shouted questions. Little claws went skittering up my thigh, towards my butt. I spun around, grabbed my waistband, started to yank my trousers down--
Realized boyfriend was staring at me. Realized several neighbouring houses had a really good view.
FELT LITTLE MOUSE CLAWS ON MY BUTT.
Thank god for briefs. It stayed on the outside of cloth, shot up to the small of my back, popped out of my waistband and went FLYING across the yard to vanish around the side of the house. I stared after it. Boyfriend stared at me.
"Was that...?" he said.
"IT WAS IN MY PANTS," I said.
He howled laughing. I danced a little jig around and slapped at my leg a lot.
MOUSE IN MY PANTS. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?