someone to hug
I have learned a lot about myself this week and it's only Monday...I know I have other things to do, but I needed to take a break to breath. The prospectus is kicking my ass. I've discovered yet another article that says pretty much what I am attempting to say...what the hell am I gonna do? I guess I keep going until I get shot down and die or get a leg up. I hope it's the later, dying isn't my number one choice. On a different note - life's a funny thing. It really is. So here's the goal:
Tomorrow-
Finish rough draft of Prospectus
Grade 152 mid terms
start applications for MFA programs
do research for lighting sem
Wed-
Meet with Tom Powers about film mid terms
meet with Ann and Alan
hope I don't fuck up.
read for theory
read about marriage
fill out more apps
Thurs-
Grade 15 mid terms
do research
drink margaritas
Friday-
teach
hope things work out
if all works out go to gay bar to dance the night away, preferably with guys I find attractive who I have recently been informed are gay so I have no shot with- funny how that happens
Weekend -
play catch up
this is my plan...hope it works
Also, I have come to a conclusion - this may make me sound like a slut - I hope not...I am really pretty ok with the whole single thing. What I miss is being held, being cuddled, that physical connection. I could really use someone who just wants to hold me - not in a creepy way, not in a sexual way even, I just miss that physical contact, and feel isolated in a weird way. The hardest thing about this weekend was letting go, because all I want is to be held, it made everything seem ok, that is of course until he let go, and I was left with all these things I wanted to say, but they all got stuck, so I resulted in just making a fool of myself.
So, I guess that's it - I don't care if it's a girl, guy, friend, or more...I could really just use a hug, or lots of hugs- for some reason I get the sense people avoid contact with me - I sat in auditorium tonight, crying along with a majority of the audience, and yet there was no physical connection...it sounds needy and childish I know, but it just makes things seem ok. Well, back to work now, I will have a rough draft for my committee by the end of tomorrow
Tomorrow-
Finish rough draft of Prospectus
Grade 152 mid terms
start applications for MFA programs
do research for lighting sem
Wed-
Meet with Tom Powers about film mid terms
meet with Ann and Alan
hope I don't fuck up.
read for theory
read about marriage
fill out more apps
Thurs-
Grade 15 mid terms
do research
drink margaritas
Friday-
teach
hope things work out
if all works out go to gay bar to dance the night away, preferably with guys I find attractive who I have recently been informed are gay so I have no shot with- funny how that happens
Weekend -
play catch up
this is my plan...hope it works
Also, I have come to a conclusion - this may make me sound like a slut - I hope not...I am really pretty ok with the whole single thing. What I miss is being held, being cuddled, that physical connection. I could really use someone who just wants to hold me - not in a creepy way, not in a sexual way even, I just miss that physical contact, and feel isolated in a weird way. The hardest thing about this weekend was letting go, because all I want is to be held, it made everything seem ok, that is of course until he let go, and I was left with all these things I wanted to say, but they all got stuck, so I resulted in just making a fool of myself.
So, I guess that's it - I don't care if it's a girl, guy, friend, or more...I could really just use a hug, or lots of hugs- for some reason I get the sense people avoid contact with me - I sat in auditorium tonight, crying along with a majority of the audience, and yet there was no physical connection...it sounds needy and childish I know, but it just makes things seem ok. Well, back to work now, I will have a rough draft for my committee by the end of tomorrow