(no subject)
I am so damn unhappy. I feel lonely in basically every possible way, whether it be family, friends, whatever. I'm really starting to turn into a recluse and it's as if I'm moving backwards in the high school cycle. For once issues of love and how to obtain it have probably been the farthest back in my mind. For me, senior year has been great on the surface but beneath that I feel like garbage.
I don't understand how I made it last year...constant binges of Jimmy Eat World perhaps? Perhaps my hopeless pursuit simply kept me occupied? Maybe I just need more music in my life in general. It seems like all the music that would make me happy is nowhere to be found nor can I think of anything that will do so. I definitely don't have it now as I usually have "better" things to do. Maybe my brain is slowly being fried from all the electronic radiation I've been getting. Who knows...I just know I can't keep on like this..
I think I'm starting to get into my old habits, not in terms of schoolwork but other habits. I'm getting all my schoolwork done and I'm sure my grades (for the few classes I have) are fine atm but still. I've been staying up till destructive hours and completely fucking around with my sleep cycle and what not. Maybe I should just get some more human contact cause I don't think I've been getting enough.
I don't think I'm too good at coping with shit. Is it so wrong of me to want to go to a college mostly because I would know people there and then there'd be someone to watch over me? My mom wants me to stay here so then she can watch over me but I can't stay here.
Of course I can find ways to occupy myself and find other things to think about but of course that is only a temporary solution. It ends up hitting you at the worst times, at the weakest hour when it will hurt most. At these times, there is nothing to do but bear it and let it pass, only for it to come again in the future. Sometimes there is no fantasy world to escape to..
All I know is I'm scared of all this. Forever will I be escaping into nostalgia, into the past, away from the pain that idles by. Such has been my fate.
I don't understand how I made it last year...constant binges of Jimmy Eat World perhaps? Perhaps my hopeless pursuit simply kept me occupied? Maybe I just need more music in my life in general. It seems like all the music that would make me happy is nowhere to be found nor can I think of anything that will do so. I definitely don't have it now as I usually have "better" things to do. Maybe my brain is slowly being fried from all the electronic radiation I've been getting. Who knows...I just know I can't keep on like this..
I think I'm starting to get into my old habits, not in terms of schoolwork but other habits. I'm getting all my schoolwork done and I'm sure my grades (for the few classes I have) are fine atm but still. I've been staying up till destructive hours and completely fucking around with my sleep cycle and what not. Maybe I should just get some more human contact cause I don't think I've been getting enough.
I don't think I'm too good at coping with shit. Is it so wrong of me to want to go to a college mostly because I would know people there and then there'd be someone to watch over me? My mom wants me to stay here so then she can watch over me but I can't stay here.
Of course I can find ways to occupy myself and find other things to think about but of course that is only a temporary solution. It ends up hitting you at the worst times, at the weakest hour when it will hurt most. At these times, there is nothing to do but bear it and let it pass, only for it to come again in the future. Sometimes there is no fantasy world to escape to..
All I know is I'm scared of all this. Forever will I be escaping into nostalgia, into the past, away from the pain that idles by. Such has been my fate.