Mass Effect | Old Soldiers | Shepard/Kaidan
Title: Old Soldiers
Word Count: 1800
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Nudity, mild sexual content
Disclaimer: Mass Effect (c) BioWare & EA
I really wish he’d put a shirt on, Kaidan thought. He watched Vega wander the shuttle bay, throwing punches, doing pull-ups and squats, getting sweatier and sweatier. Of course, he also watched Shepard watch Vega, and that was where the heart of the matter rested. If Kaidan had been down there alone he wouldn’t have cared if Vega had stripped down to his underwear and done a pole-dance.
Shepard was watching him though, and that was a problem. He had his eyebrow raised, which was an even bigger problem. Kaidan knew that look, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before Shepard did one of three incredibly stupid things: One, he would go up to Vega and attempt to flirt with him; Two, he would sit there for the rest of the night making vaguely animalistic noises and wiggling his eyebrows; Three, he would give up entirely on not looking like an ass and rush over to slide a credit into Vega’s jeans.
To say that Kaidan was jealous was an understatement. He had always been a jealous person. Yes, he was often accused of being boring, of being dull, of being Vanilla as the sweaty hunk beating on the punching bag loved to point out -- but he was actually an extremely passionate person. Military life had tempered him, had taken that passion and bottled it up. But looking at Shepard, Kaidan could feel that bottled energy starting to bubble. It was an itch under his skin that he couldn’t get to.
Kaidan wanted to punch him and kiss him. Neither of those things would earn him anything but a swift knee in the gut.
“He’s got the kind of body that keeps me up at night,” Cortez said, sighing and shaking his head. “Likes to tease me all the time, but the second you try to do anything? He locks up on you.”
“Probably hasn’t had the right person try,” Shepard said, “Er... No offense, Steve.”
Steve laughed. “None taken, Commander. You’re probably right.”
“Maybe we could talk about something -- someone -- else,” Kaidan said.
“What do you want to talk about?” Shepard asked absently, still staring at James.
“Oh, well, you know, I don’t know,” Kaidan muttered, “The galaxy is at war, Earth and every other planet is under attack, we have a billion things to get done. We have a weapon that we don’t even know how it works... But we’re sitting here talking about Vega’s body.”
“Relax,” Shepard said, “We all need a little R and R every now and again. It wouldn’t kill you to loosen up, Kaidan.”
“We can’t all be as loose as you, Commander.”
“Whoa, whoa,” Steve said, trying to calm them, “Take it easy. We don’t mean to make it seem like we don’t care, Major. Of course we do. It’s just... we don’t get to take it easy that often.”
“Take it easy without ogling the Lieutenant,” Kaidan snapped, “Just... Just forget it.” Kaidan sighed and pushed back from the table. “I’ll excuse myself. I’m... Ah, I’m probably just being a huge buzzkill.”
“A little, yeah,” Shepard said. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
Kaidan thought Shepard did know. Kaidan thought Shepard only wanted to pretend he didn’t so he could avoid an awkward conversation. Well, Kaidan was all for avoiding awkward conversations when he could; but there was probably no getting around the one he and Shepard needed to have.
“Nothing is wrong with me. You know, Shepard, it’s--- Forget it.”
If Shepard wanted to spend the rest of the night in the shuttle bay checking out the newest bit of eye candy on his squad, it was none of Kaidan’s business. The last hope for humanity -- hell, the last hope for organic life -- wanted to watch a giant bear of a man pump iron and get himself wet with sweat. Kaidan wasn’t sure how they were supposed to win this thing when their greatest hope was so damn human.
“I’ll be in my cabin if anyone needs me,” Kaidan said. Well, that was almost comical, who had ever needed Kaidan Alenko?
***
The bad thing about Shepard was that he refused to announce himself. It was either because the Normandy was his ship and he thought he had every right to walk right in wherever and whenever he pleased, or, more likely, because he had never been well-mannered.
The good thing about Shepard was that he didn’t mince words. He stood at the foot of Kaidan’s bed with his arms crossed and said, “I’d like to know what your problem is Kaidan.”
Kaidan could feel a migraine forming behind his eyes. He always had headaches, but usually they were nuisances more than hindrances. This one, though, it was going to be bad. He had turned off the lights and laid on top of the covers with his eyes closed in the vain attempt to fight it off. With Shepard there it was only getting worse. You’re my problem, Kaidan wanted to say, but all he did was grunt and reach up to massage his temples.
Really, the best thing about Shepard was his heart. He was a man who could make tough calls, and in the heat of battle, he was a man who could operate almost like a machine. But when the smoke cleared and the clips stopped flying, Shepard was and had always been tenderhearted. Some might have said it was a flaw for a Commander, particularly a Commander leading an assault against the Reapers, to have.
Kaidan had to disagree.
“Pushing yourself too hard,” Shepard scolded, though his voice was soft. He sat at the edge of Kaidan’s bed. “See? That’s the reason you need to take it easy from time to time. You’re not doing yourself any favors burying yourself like this.”
Kaidan chuckled, lowering his hands to his sides. “I think... Wow, I think I just got told I work too hard by Commander John Shepard. You know that old saying, ‘pot calling the kettle black’?”
“No,” Shepard said, “Must be a Canadian thing.”
“Shepard---”
“It’s a joke, Kaidan.”
“Yeah,” Kaidan said, “Yeah, okay. It’s a joke. Everything’s a joke.”
Shepard sighed. Kaidan knew he was being difficult, he knew he was making things more complicated than they needed to be. Maybe he shouldn’t have minced words, maybe he should have been as direct and brave as Shepard. He could have said, I want you. I need you. All these years, we’ve... We’ve been wasting time. Now here we are, end of everything and we’re still just old soldiers sitting around, you know? Old soldiers who can’t let go of the fight.
Instead, Kaidan whispered, “Head hurts.”
The bed shifted as Shepard climbed in next to Kaidan. His heart sped up, but he kept himself still. The last thing he wanted was to make it seem like he didn’t want Shepard there.
Shepard rubbed Kaidan’s temples. His fingers were rough, callused, from years of squeezing triggers and curling against his palms into fists and digging through rubble. They were hard and beautiful and Kaidan made a little noise in his throat that sounded closer to a moan than a sigh.
“Are you going to tell me what’s really bothering you?” Shepard asked, “Or am I supposed to guess?”
Kaidan kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to look at Shepard. He didn’t want to see what Shepard looked like when someone was being vulnerable in front of him. “You and me... We’ve been through a lot, you know,” Kaidan said, “There’s... Sometimes there’s just not enough time, and... I was thinking about all those years we had. All that time just... doing nothing.”
“Nothing,” Shepard chuckled, “Oh, I don’t know. Stopping Saren and Sovereign didn’t feel like nothing.”
“No, that’s not---” Kaidan sighed. “We had all this time together... Only we weren’t together. Not really. We were, we were just---”
“That’s what I love about you, Major,” Shepard said, “You’re so direct.”
“Have you ever looked at me the way you look at James?”
There, he’d done it. Shepard couldn’t deny he’d been direct. If he wanted to leave, or at the very least move off of the bed, Kaidan would understand. He was tired of his tongue feeling too big for his mouth, he was tired of being afraid to feel things and open himself up. Kaidan was tired of living behind a steel wall, pretending that nothing could hurt him, that nothing could heal him.
Shepard’s lips touched his forehead, warm and dry.
“That’s what’s bothering you?” Shepard asked. He chuckled and curled his hand against Kaidan’s jaw. “You haven’t been paying attention, Major.”
Years of being together but not being together culminated in one hot, powerful, incredibly deep kiss. Kaidan couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, he could only let Shepard into his mouth and feel their tongues tangling together. What he wanted to say, when he finally caught his breath and Shepard’s mouth was against his jaw, was how they had wasted so much time. How they could have been like this from the start, two young soldiers finding comfort and heat together in the middle of hell; instead they were two old soldiers who couldn’t look past the scars and the cold and the multitude of years.
Instead, Kaidan said, “Need you, Shepard. Bad.”
It wasn’t poetry, but it was effective.
After so much time it should have been awkward. There should have been fumbling and nervous laughter and trembling hands. But, surprisingly, everything was smooth and natural. Kaidan kissed Shepard and tasted his tongue, feeling warm, freckled skin under his hands. Shepard undressed him and picked him up, sliding Kaidan’s thighs over his hips. Shepard sat back on his heels, holding Kaidan around his waist.
“Thought you might’ve forgotten me with that bit of eye candy downstairs,” Kaidan murmured, slinging his arms around Shepard’s neck.
“Never,” Shepard said. It should have sounded trite, just another platitude in a long line, but it didn’t. It felt genuine, and when Shepard pushed inside of him and the freckled skin under Kaidan’s hands was sweaty and bunching with strain, Kaidan knew it was.
“That’s a new thing I love about you, Kaidan,” Shepard whispered when they were spooned together in the aftermath, trembling and panting. “You have the nicest ass.”
Kaidan smiled. “It’s Commander Shepard’s favorite ass on the Citadel.”
Shepard kissed his ear. “Hell, Major, it’s my favorite ass in the galaxy.”
Word Count: 1800
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Nudity, mild sexual content
Disclaimer: Mass Effect (c) BioWare & EA
I really wish he’d put a shirt on, Kaidan thought. He watched Vega wander the shuttle bay, throwing punches, doing pull-ups and squats, getting sweatier and sweatier. Of course, he also watched Shepard watch Vega, and that was where the heart of the matter rested. If Kaidan had been down there alone he wouldn’t have cared if Vega had stripped down to his underwear and done a pole-dance.
Shepard was watching him though, and that was a problem. He had his eyebrow raised, which was an even bigger problem. Kaidan knew that look, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before Shepard did one of three incredibly stupid things: One, he would go up to Vega and attempt to flirt with him; Two, he would sit there for the rest of the night making vaguely animalistic noises and wiggling his eyebrows; Three, he would give up entirely on not looking like an ass and rush over to slide a credit into Vega’s jeans.
To say that Kaidan was jealous was an understatement. He had always been a jealous person. Yes, he was often accused of being boring, of being dull, of being Vanilla as the sweaty hunk beating on the punching bag loved to point out -- but he was actually an extremely passionate person. Military life had tempered him, had taken that passion and bottled it up. But looking at Shepard, Kaidan could feel that bottled energy starting to bubble. It was an itch under his skin that he couldn’t get to.
Kaidan wanted to punch him and kiss him. Neither of those things would earn him anything but a swift knee in the gut.
“He’s got the kind of body that keeps me up at night,” Cortez said, sighing and shaking his head. “Likes to tease me all the time, but the second you try to do anything? He locks up on you.”
“Probably hasn’t had the right person try,” Shepard said, “Er... No offense, Steve.”
Steve laughed. “None taken, Commander. You’re probably right.”
“Maybe we could talk about something -- someone -- else,” Kaidan said.
“What do you want to talk about?” Shepard asked absently, still staring at James.
“Oh, well, you know, I don’t know,” Kaidan muttered, “The galaxy is at war, Earth and every other planet is under attack, we have a billion things to get done. We have a weapon that we don’t even know how it works... But we’re sitting here talking about Vega’s body.”
“Relax,” Shepard said, “We all need a little R and R every now and again. It wouldn’t kill you to loosen up, Kaidan.”
“We can’t all be as loose as you, Commander.”
“Whoa, whoa,” Steve said, trying to calm them, “Take it easy. We don’t mean to make it seem like we don’t care, Major. Of course we do. It’s just... we don’t get to take it easy that often.”
“Take it easy without ogling the Lieutenant,” Kaidan snapped, “Just... Just forget it.” Kaidan sighed and pushed back from the table. “I’ll excuse myself. I’m... Ah, I’m probably just being a huge buzzkill.”
“A little, yeah,” Shepard said. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
Kaidan thought Shepard did know. Kaidan thought Shepard only wanted to pretend he didn’t so he could avoid an awkward conversation. Well, Kaidan was all for avoiding awkward conversations when he could; but there was probably no getting around the one he and Shepard needed to have.
“Nothing is wrong with me. You know, Shepard, it’s--- Forget it.”
If Shepard wanted to spend the rest of the night in the shuttle bay checking out the newest bit of eye candy on his squad, it was none of Kaidan’s business. The last hope for humanity -- hell, the last hope for organic life -- wanted to watch a giant bear of a man pump iron and get himself wet with sweat. Kaidan wasn’t sure how they were supposed to win this thing when their greatest hope was so damn human.
“I’ll be in my cabin if anyone needs me,” Kaidan said. Well, that was almost comical, who had ever needed Kaidan Alenko?
***
The bad thing about Shepard was that he refused to announce himself. It was either because the Normandy was his ship and he thought he had every right to walk right in wherever and whenever he pleased, or, more likely, because he had never been well-mannered.
The good thing about Shepard was that he didn’t mince words. He stood at the foot of Kaidan’s bed with his arms crossed and said, “I’d like to know what your problem is Kaidan.”
Kaidan could feel a migraine forming behind his eyes. He always had headaches, but usually they were nuisances more than hindrances. This one, though, it was going to be bad. He had turned off the lights and laid on top of the covers with his eyes closed in the vain attempt to fight it off. With Shepard there it was only getting worse. You’re my problem, Kaidan wanted to say, but all he did was grunt and reach up to massage his temples.
Really, the best thing about Shepard was his heart. He was a man who could make tough calls, and in the heat of battle, he was a man who could operate almost like a machine. But when the smoke cleared and the clips stopped flying, Shepard was and had always been tenderhearted. Some might have said it was a flaw for a Commander, particularly a Commander leading an assault against the Reapers, to have.
Kaidan had to disagree.
“Pushing yourself too hard,” Shepard scolded, though his voice was soft. He sat at the edge of Kaidan’s bed. “See? That’s the reason you need to take it easy from time to time. You’re not doing yourself any favors burying yourself like this.”
Kaidan chuckled, lowering his hands to his sides. “I think... Wow, I think I just got told I work too hard by Commander John Shepard. You know that old saying, ‘pot calling the kettle black’?”
“No,” Shepard said, “Must be a Canadian thing.”
“Shepard---”
“It’s a joke, Kaidan.”
“Yeah,” Kaidan said, “Yeah, okay. It’s a joke. Everything’s a joke.”
Shepard sighed. Kaidan knew he was being difficult, he knew he was making things more complicated than they needed to be. Maybe he shouldn’t have minced words, maybe he should have been as direct and brave as Shepard. He could have said, I want you. I need you. All these years, we’ve... We’ve been wasting time. Now here we are, end of everything and we’re still just old soldiers sitting around, you know? Old soldiers who can’t let go of the fight.
Instead, Kaidan whispered, “Head hurts.”
The bed shifted as Shepard climbed in next to Kaidan. His heart sped up, but he kept himself still. The last thing he wanted was to make it seem like he didn’t want Shepard there.
Shepard rubbed Kaidan’s temples. His fingers were rough, callused, from years of squeezing triggers and curling against his palms into fists and digging through rubble. They were hard and beautiful and Kaidan made a little noise in his throat that sounded closer to a moan than a sigh.
“Are you going to tell me what’s really bothering you?” Shepard asked, “Or am I supposed to guess?”
Kaidan kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to look at Shepard. He didn’t want to see what Shepard looked like when someone was being vulnerable in front of him. “You and me... We’ve been through a lot, you know,” Kaidan said, “There’s... Sometimes there’s just not enough time, and... I was thinking about all those years we had. All that time just... doing nothing.”
“Nothing,” Shepard chuckled, “Oh, I don’t know. Stopping Saren and Sovereign didn’t feel like nothing.”
“No, that’s not---” Kaidan sighed. “We had all this time together... Only we weren’t together. Not really. We were, we were just---”
“That’s what I love about you, Major,” Shepard said, “You’re so direct.”
“Have you ever looked at me the way you look at James?”
There, he’d done it. Shepard couldn’t deny he’d been direct. If he wanted to leave, or at the very least move off of the bed, Kaidan would understand. He was tired of his tongue feeling too big for his mouth, he was tired of being afraid to feel things and open himself up. Kaidan was tired of living behind a steel wall, pretending that nothing could hurt him, that nothing could heal him.
Shepard’s lips touched his forehead, warm and dry.
“That’s what’s bothering you?” Shepard asked. He chuckled and curled his hand against Kaidan’s jaw. “You haven’t been paying attention, Major.”
Years of being together but not being together culminated in one hot, powerful, incredibly deep kiss. Kaidan couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, he could only let Shepard into his mouth and feel their tongues tangling together. What he wanted to say, when he finally caught his breath and Shepard’s mouth was against his jaw, was how they had wasted so much time. How they could have been like this from the start, two young soldiers finding comfort and heat together in the middle of hell; instead they were two old soldiers who couldn’t look past the scars and the cold and the multitude of years.
Instead, Kaidan said, “Need you, Shepard. Bad.”
It wasn’t poetry, but it was effective.
After so much time it should have been awkward. There should have been fumbling and nervous laughter and trembling hands. But, surprisingly, everything was smooth and natural. Kaidan kissed Shepard and tasted his tongue, feeling warm, freckled skin under his hands. Shepard undressed him and picked him up, sliding Kaidan’s thighs over his hips. Shepard sat back on his heels, holding Kaidan around his waist.
“Thought you might’ve forgotten me with that bit of eye candy downstairs,” Kaidan murmured, slinging his arms around Shepard’s neck.
“Never,” Shepard said. It should have sounded trite, just another platitude in a long line, but it didn’t. It felt genuine, and when Shepard pushed inside of him and the freckled skin under Kaidan’s hands was sweaty and bunching with strain, Kaidan knew it was.
“That’s a new thing I love about you, Kaidan,” Shepard whispered when they were spooned together in the aftermath, trembling and panting. “You have the nicest ass.”
Kaidan smiled. “It’s Commander Shepard’s favorite ass on the Citadel.”
Shepard kissed his ear. “Hell, Major, it’s my favorite ass in the galaxy.”