Provisions and Decisions
I sit here writing this realizing how little time I give myself for things to sink in. I sit here and think of the paths that I've crossed over the last year, and have come to some interesting thoughts and conclusions on alot of things. One I would like to become closer to God and as I work on it some people get mad and start shunning me. This doesn't bother me as I look at their habits and realize some things a) if Jesus upsets you when brought up you're not the one who was made for me, b) if you're really my friend as I stomach alot of garbage you like you can deal with something that will save you and make you whole. This is something I'm working on as such besides people I know I seem to get shunned by alot of other black folk, why? Simple I don't jump on the " I deserve EVERYTHING just cause I'm black" whether you're a lazy negro or not, or the equally popular " It's ALL the white man's fault we don't have anything and destroy our own neighbor hoods" even though no one wants to admit whose doing the damage.
Well lets just hit both of these relatively quick shall we, if I truly believe God's got it why am I being burdened with it. You deserve nothing because you're black why? Well first they beat, whipped, mocked and crucified JESUS and he IS God's SON. What makes you think you're better. Second YOU didn't get beaten , whipped , sold , raped or humiliated on a whim.. why do you deserve payment for anything you didn't go through. If the government won't pay our grand parents, great grand parents and in some case parents who were persecuted what entitles you to a dime. Further more where did this mentality come from when people who did endure it don't feel they need handout because they're stronger than that, so did we get weaker as the generations grew father from it?
Then to break down to the other one, I am to fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ (no other brother/sisterhoods truly matter) and since there are black , asian , hispanic and gasp white Christians I'd be setting myself up for a file becoming racist wouldn't I? Obviously I wasn't saved to begin with if I can easily shun you over something you didn't personally do just because of your skin color. The other most interesting thing before we change to another topic I was meaning to stay on. If everything is the white man's fault, why are the BLACK gangs shooting up the BLACK neighbor hoods, why do the BLACK drug dealers deal drugs to the BLACK children, why do the BLACK schools not seek along with the BLACK parents to educate the BLACK children? Why don't the BLACK criminals created by the WHITE man go destroy the WHITE man's neighborhood and leave the BLACK one alone. Unless that's just a poor excuse for what they do and/or they're a bunch of cowards.
Moving along, we'll get to decisions. By the end of this year one way or another I need to be in another bracket which leaves me three possible paths depending on which way the spirit leads me. They are programmer , CEO, or Armed Forces whichever one the spirit sends me to. Currently I'm preparing for all three by attempting to learn speed reading. Figures I can't find anyone or place teaching it outside of the coast on a regular basis. Why speed read? Why not , if I was malicious enough and could put down a 900 page book in 30 minutes I could have your job or company in a week. Like I said if I was malicious. Mainly it's to better me and make sure when I find the one whose made for me I don't get buried in documents and I give her all the attention she needs as close to 24/7 as I can make it. Why cause when it's the one God provides you want to show him how much you appreciate them by giving him all praise first and never letting the gift that he created be neglected or go to waste or be abuse. My decisions are to make sure beyond a shadow of a doubt to be able to support a wife and at least four kids with no problem. Which really I can already do because I believe in God and his providing for all his blessings so I'm not worried about it at all.
What some people do get stuck with isn't God's blessing though it's Satan's provision. The person who is just oh so tempting but has those quirks that will kill you in the long run. Or you fall out of love with them easily and want someone else. Even when you fall in , through prayer and guidance God will save any and all marriages (man and woman is a married couple thank you), if you believe in him. There is alot more to marriage than people think. That's why if you're doing what you're supposed to and put it all in God's hands he will take care of it for you. But I also look at some of the people and questions that have come my way. I usually get asked by alot of women with children (1-4) about dating and marriage at the same time. Conclusion not ruling out the person God made for me might have collected a child on the path to me as they strayed but I've asked God to give me someone with no more extra's than I bring. Having a child I don't really consider an extra, especially if I had one if I strayed to far, however I'm not going to deal with baby daddy's. Why? one I figure if they're stepping up and being a man you'd give them first choice for marriage and dating, Two I don't do three person dating and marriage relationships that's likely to have me slip one day and hit someone. Also at the minimum , I would like to have TWO children with my wife, and no if she has any now they don't count. What do I mean? Case in point a woman with four kids proclaimed herself my wife at one time, I kindly told her she must want 6 children total. When I say two WITH my wife, I mean two we make and I take care of and spoil you while pregnant. Threats of hitting 35-40 aren't helping her side of the argument in marriage. Then we have the ones with children who got their tubes tied after number two or four. I'm just going to go ahead and say honestly you weren't meant for me. That brings a while new level or stress to the situation and a deeper trust issue. What do I mean here? I mean if I want to make two children (minimum ) with my wife you having your tubes tied means that is a whole new problem. Because now you can basically hold the unborn children hostage as if you don't get the procedure reversed we can't have them. Then I now have to trust you to actually have it done as I'm not dealing with an outsourced pregnancy.
Next we have women who are pregnant currently and have a child or are just pregnant. After a long hard thought about this my final conclusion came yesterday. Just NO , if the baby's not mine in your stomach why am I dating you. If I was blindly in love with you obviously the feeling wasn't mutual. We're not animals, why is someone fertilizing your eggs and moving on? If he was good enough for you to let him make the baby he should be good enough to take care of the baby. Don't look for a sperm donor then a father if they're not in the same package just say NO to begin with. Then sadly alot of them share alot of characteristics I just don't deal with, crazy family members. Yes we all have them , but honestly there's a difference between having a true mental disability then just not feeling like you have to exercise self control . This I'm pretty good at telling the difference on and is an unnecessary conflict waiting to happen. It's not cute once they hit 4 so it shouldn't be expected to be laughed off. Then we have the club mentality. I've yet to hear anyone give me a good description of whats fun about clubs. I usually get drinking, (alcohol is disgusting to me), music (usually a bunch of garbage being blasted with b**** this/ho that) [And for the record real men don't find anything attractive about a woman who calls herself out of her own name, and yes the song is talking about you otherwise you wouldn't be dancing to it and accepting it. Mainly black women should be careful of this as I yet to hear a song say anything thing other than black b****, black hoe , black slut, black tramp.] and to mingle, (mingling it sounds is a bunch of races to collect numbers so you have multiple booty calls if you're significant other pisses you off) If dating and you run off to club because you're mad at me just consider this. The moment you hit the clubs entrance and step inside , you are now single and so am I. We're starting over and going to counseling if you decide you want to keep dating. If married and this happens you could expect the following , the moment i know you're in the club all locks on the door will be changed. You will be sleeping outside when you're friends drop you off. I will provide security and an electric blanket depending on weather, if need be I will let you in house where you will sleep on couch. You will not be in marital bed til STD results including definite HIV test results are returned. So barring pregnancy you could possibly be on the couch up to 6 months considering results and doctor advice. Married women shouldn't need to club everything she needs should be at home so not something I would deal with. Friends calling to hang out at 2-3 in the morning, shows a lack of respect for relationship. Something else I wouldn't deal with. Please note I wouldn't do it that's why I wouldn't deal with it.
Friends, there have been a few friends that have shown attachment. Which is funny as they fit into different categories so here it goes. For the once who has a child, I remember talking about children and you're crisis with you as you approached 25. I do still think this friend is attractive and wouldn't mind dating her if God showed me I was supposed to I think we had good chemistry at one time not sure what happened afterwards but if God prepared her and put us together as I'm already interested it wouldn't bother me because he doesn't make mistakes. But not being certain I'll be friendly at the moment.
The friend with a child who is pregnant. I've known them a long time and we get along. But I can't see it, alot of unchristian like things come out of her mouth and as I 'm trying to be closer to God I can't take that. I will help as a friend if she needs it. But I pray she and her brother fix their marriages and come to edify God in their life.
To my friend with 4 children what can I say we were so close at one time I thought we might have been married to her. And for what I can only see as petty things you pushed away after proclaiming to be my wife, you argued with me when I said I wouldn't have unGodly things on my t.v. held secrets and wouldn't open up when I was there physically as well as emotionally and spiritually for you. So friends now is all I see us being.
To my friend with the child who thinks they may be pregnant. I just couldn't feel any attraction and maybe I need a better way to test it. I just couldn't feel it from your end. Thats partially why I didn't care when you tried to be slick instead of speaking up like a woman later. And honestly the whole time together felt like a re-run of past experiences I'm happy I'm over, and while I could be wrong there was alot that wasn't good so be well as life goes on.
There was once person I used to like , but they made me see something else I don't like in people. I don't like when people can't admit they don't remember and have to say things that sound made up for the second major time. I don't mistake faces when there's a good shot or in person. It may not have been here maybe GA, TX or NY but honestly running into someone with the EXACT same FACE AND NAME and brother with the EXACT SAME FACE and NAME, but I got you confused with someone else? not likely maybe they remembered how they were dancing when they shouldn't have. oh well, now for the finale.
For my friend who may never see this the one who is single saved and use to connect with. I don't answer those types of questions because they feel like I'm putting something in stone. And on top of that the timing was bad. I don't know how many times/ways I can say I'm not dating right now. Or that I need to change. And I'm sorry it sounded to me like others were molding your perception of the bond of friendship we had. I felt that was something special in and of itself and why drag it somewhere neither of us knew it should have been at that time. Cause dating would have heralded a whole new challenge and set and pulled us down while we thought we were floating. I do understand how you were saying bonds were formed for women. But also understand it's partially outside influence to, because if it was all internal I would have been married as I would have formed an eternal bond with someone a long time ago and never anyone else.
These are my thoughts for the moment and I need more to do, and am highly disturbed that there is a procedure to repair vaginal walls. There is no upside as they show her getting ready to go clubbing. Wow so now I have to hope when she arrives she's all natural as well. LOL
Well lets just hit both of these relatively quick shall we, if I truly believe God's got it why am I being burdened with it. You deserve nothing because you're black why? Well first they beat, whipped, mocked and crucified JESUS and he IS God's SON. What makes you think you're better. Second YOU didn't get beaten , whipped , sold , raped or humiliated on a whim.. why do you deserve payment for anything you didn't go through. If the government won't pay our grand parents, great grand parents and in some case parents who were persecuted what entitles you to a dime. Further more where did this mentality come from when people who did endure it don't feel they need handout because they're stronger than that, so did we get weaker as the generations grew father from it?
Then to break down to the other one, I am to fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ (no other brother/sisterhoods truly matter) and since there are black , asian , hispanic and gasp white Christians I'd be setting myself up for a file becoming racist wouldn't I? Obviously I wasn't saved to begin with if I can easily shun you over something you didn't personally do just because of your skin color. The other most interesting thing before we change to another topic I was meaning to stay on. If everything is the white man's fault, why are the BLACK gangs shooting up the BLACK neighbor hoods, why do the BLACK drug dealers deal drugs to the BLACK children, why do the BLACK schools not seek along with the BLACK parents to educate the BLACK children? Why don't the BLACK criminals created by the WHITE man go destroy the WHITE man's neighborhood and leave the BLACK one alone. Unless that's just a poor excuse for what they do and/or they're a bunch of cowards.
Moving along, we'll get to decisions. By the end of this year one way or another I need to be in another bracket which leaves me three possible paths depending on which way the spirit leads me. They are programmer , CEO, or Armed Forces whichever one the spirit sends me to. Currently I'm preparing for all three by attempting to learn speed reading. Figures I can't find anyone or place teaching it outside of the coast on a regular basis. Why speed read? Why not , if I was malicious enough and could put down a 900 page book in 30 minutes I could have your job or company in a week. Like I said if I was malicious. Mainly it's to better me and make sure when I find the one whose made for me I don't get buried in documents and I give her all the attention she needs as close to 24/7 as I can make it. Why cause when it's the one God provides you want to show him how much you appreciate them by giving him all praise first and never letting the gift that he created be neglected or go to waste or be abuse. My decisions are to make sure beyond a shadow of a doubt to be able to support a wife and at least four kids with no problem. Which really I can already do because I believe in God and his providing for all his blessings so I'm not worried about it at all.
What some people do get stuck with isn't God's blessing though it's Satan's provision. The person who is just oh so tempting but has those quirks that will kill you in the long run. Or you fall out of love with them easily and want someone else. Even when you fall in , through prayer and guidance God will save any and all marriages (man and woman is a married couple thank you), if you believe in him. There is alot more to marriage than people think. That's why if you're doing what you're supposed to and put it all in God's hands he will take care of it for you. But I also look at some of the people and questions that have come my way. I usually get asked by alot of women with children (1-4) about dating and marriage at the same time. Conclusion not ruling out the person God made for me might have collected a child on the path to me as they strayed but I've asked God to give me someone with no more extra's than I bring. Having a child I don't really consider an extra, especially if I had one if I strayed to far, however I'm not going to deal with baby daddy's. Why? one I figure if they're stepping up and being a man you'd give them first choice for marriage and dating, Two I don't do three person dating and marriage relationships that's likely to have me slip one day and hit someone. Also at the minimum , I would like to have TWO children with my wife, and no if she has any now they don't count. What do I mean? Case in point a woman with four kids proclaimed herself my wife at one time, I kindly told her she must want 6 children total. When I say two WITH my wife, I mean two we make and I take care of and spoil you while pregnant. Threats of hitting 35-40 aren't helping her side of the argument in marriage. Then we have the ones with children who got their tubes tied after number two or four. I'm just going to go ahead and say honestly you weren't meant for me. That brings a while new level or stress to the situation and a deeper trust issue. What do I mean here? I mean if I want to make two children (minimum ) with my wife you having your tubes tied means that is a whole new problem. Because now you can basically hold the unborn children hostage as if you don't get the procedure reversed we can't have them. Then I now have to trust you to actually have it done as I'm not dealing with an outsourced pregnancy.
Next we have women who are pregnant currently and have a child or are just pregnant. After a long hard thought about this my final conclusion came yesterday. Just NO , if the baby's not mine in your stomach why am I dating you. If I was blindly in love with you obviously the feeling wasn't mutual. We're not animals, why is someone fertilizing your eggs and moving on? If he was good enough for you to let him make the baby he should be good enough to take care of the baby. Don't look for a sperm donor then a father if they're not in the same package just say NO to begin with. Then sadly alot of them share alot of characteristics I just don't deal with, crazy family members. Yes we all have them , but honestly there's a difference between having a true mental disability then just not feeling like you have to exercise self control . This I'm pretty good at telling the difference on and is an unnecessary conflict waiting to happen. It's not cute once they hit 4 so it shouldn't be expected to be laughed off. Then we have the club mentality. I've yet to hear anyone give me a good description of whats fun about clubs. I usually get drinking, (alcohol is disgusting to me), music (usually a bunch of garbage being blasted with b**** this/ho that) [And for the record real men don't find anything attractive about a woman who calls herself out of her own name, and yes the song is talking about you otherwise you wouldn't be dancing to it and accepting it. Mainly black women should be careful of this as I yet to hear a song say anything thing other than black b****, black hoe , black slut, black tramp.] and to mingle, (mingling it sounds is a bunch of races to collect numbers so you have multiple booty calls if you're significant other pisses you off) If dating and you run off to club because you're mad at me just consider this. The moment you hit the clubs entrance and step inside , you are now single and so am I. We're starting over and going to counseling if you decide you want to keep dating. If married and this happens you could expect the following , the moment i know you're in the club all locks on the door will be changed. You will be sleeping outside when you're friends drop you off. I will provide security and an electric blanket depending on weather, if need be I will let you in house where you will sleep on couch. You will not be in marital bed til STD results including definite HIV test results are returned. So barring pregnancy you could possibly be on the couch up to 6 months considering results and doctor advice. Married women shouldn't need to club everything she needs should be at home so not something I would deal with. Friends calling to hang out at 2-3 in the morning, shows a lack of respect for relationship. Something else I wouldn't deal with. Please note I wouldn't do it that's why I wouldn't deal with it.
Friends, there have been a few friends that have shown attachment. Which is funny as they fit into different categories so here it goes. For the once who has a child, I remember talking about children and you're crisis with you as you approached 25. I do still think this friend is attractive and wouldn't mind dating her if God showed me I was supposed to I think we had good chemistry at one time not sure what happened afterwards but if God prepared her and put us together as I'm already interested it wouldn't bother me because he doesn't make mistakes. But not being certain I'll be friendly at the moment.
The friend with a child who is pregnant. I've known them a long time and we get along. But I can't see it, alot of unchristian like things come out of her mouth and as I 'm trying to be closer to God I can't take that. I will help as a friend if she needs it. But I pray she and her brother fix their marriages and come to edify God in their life.
To my friend with 4 children what can I say we were so close at one time I thought we might have been married to her. And for what I can only see as petty things you pushed away after proclaiming to be my wife, you argued with me when I said I wouldn't have unGodly things on my t.v. held secrets and wouldn't open up when I was there physically as well as emotionally and spiritually for you. So friends now is all I see us being.
To my friend with the child who thinks they may be pregnant. I just couldn't feel any attraction and maybe I need a better way to test it. I just couldn't feel it from your end. Thats partially why I didn't care when you tried to be slick instead of speaking up like a woman later. And honestly the whole time together felt like a re-run of past experiences I'm happy I'm over, and while I could be wrong there was alot that wasn't good so be well as life goes on.
There was once person I used to like , but they made me see something else I don't like in people. I don't like when people can't admit they don't remember and have to say things that sound made up for the second major time. I don't mistake faces when there's a good shot or in person. It may not have been here maybe GA, TX or NY but honestly running into someone with the EXACT same FACE AND NAME and brother with the EXACT SAME FACE and NAME, but I got you confused with someone else? not likely maybe they remembered how they were dancing when they shouldn't have. oh well, now for the finale.
For my friend who may never see this the one who is single saved and use to connect with. I don't answer those types of questions because they feel like I'm putting something in stone. And on top of that the timing was bad. I don't know how many times/ways I can say I'm not dating right now. Or that I need to change. And I'm sorry it sounded to me like others were molding your perception of the bond of friendship we had. I felt that was something special in and of itself and why drag it somewhere neither of us knew it should have been at that time. Cause dating would have heralded a whole new challenge and set and pulled us down while we thought we were floating. I do understand how you were saying bonds were formed for women. But also understand it's partially outside influence to, because if it was all internal I would have been married as I would have formed an eternal bond with someone a long time ago and never anyone else.
These are my thoughts for the moment and I need more to do, and am highly disturbed that there is a procedure to repair vaginal walls. There is no upside as they show her getting ready to go clubbing. Wow so now I have to hope when she arrives she's all natural as well. LOL