Life is art, and then I wake up.
It's been ages since my last post. I figured I'd wait til I had something important to say, something profound, something artistic. It's taken this long, so I figured it just wasn't going to come.
I'm still working at Kmart, it's a tiring job, but a decent one. As much as I bitch about it, deep in my heart I do somewhat enjoy it. Or, at least I don't mind it for the most part. (It would be much nicer if I didn't have customers.)
Tomorrow will be Josh's and I, one year and 7 month anni. It seems so long ago that we locked eyes for the first time. God, I'm surprised I haven't killed him by now.
I have a Wii, as a gift from Josh. Luv.
Time has moved slowly these past months.
I recently had a tarot reading. It touched me. At one point, the woman looked up at me, straight into my eyes and said "Oh hunny....why are you so hard on your self? Why do you feel so bad?" It struck me. I felt like a wound in my heart had opened, and I was dying. She was right. She proceeded to tell me what I felt. There is a hole. I'm a circle with 98% completed, but that 2% drives me crazy with pain and anxiousness. I've been feeling this way for years. I don't know what will complete it, but it stalks me. The ever present feeling of a missing piece. I'll know it when I find it, I pray that it'll take ahold of me and mold me into the person I'm supposed to be. It'll overwhelm me, infuse itself in my dna, and move my body like a puppet to a higher power. Until then, I continue searching.
On a better note, I went swimming in the ocean about a week ago. It was beautiful. At 7:30 at night, I put on my suit, and left for the beach. The air was soft, rippled with cool streams that would hit your face just long enough to keep you from sweating. The sky was red, and I drove into the sunset. I saw nothing but water plants, birds, and felt nothing but warm air and the beat from my music. The beach was speckled with people when I arrived. Small families took areas, but for the first time, I was not disturbed. With my towel and shoes in a heap, I slid into the water. It held me. The ocean and I were one entity, and I felt her cradle me. I watched the sunset from the water, and let it into every crevice of my body and soul. The people meant nothing, I meant nothing. I was part of the water, and as I floated, staring at the darkening sky, I never felt so beautiful. I felt beautiful walking down the emptying beach, my moon and star covered wraparound blowing. I felt beautiful as I sat on a rocky jetty, staring into the black water. At that moment, I knew the dim glow from the fading sunset made me look perfect. I knew the ocean breeze, blowing my wrap made me look like a gypsy goddess. At that moment, I was complete. As I drove away from the beach, the sky lit up with shots of lighting. My music comforted me, and gently drew me out of the lovely trance. Life was art.
I wish, I could capture these moments, and show them. I wish I could present these small moments of life, to the people I love most. I wish I could come back to them, and live in them. They are my fantasy world, they are my world of dragons and wizards. They are my yellow brick road. These small, views into everyday life.
I'm still working at Kmart, it's a tiring job, but a decent one. As much as I bitch about it, deep in my heart I do somewhat enjoy it. Or, at least I don't mind it for the most part. (It would be much nicer if I didn't have customers.)
Tomorrow will be Josh's and I, one year and 7 month anni. It seems so long ago that we locked eyes for the first time. God, I'm surprised I haven't killed him by now.
I have a Wii, as a gift from Josh. Luv.
Time has moved slowly these past months.
I recently had a tarot reading. It touched me. At one point, the woman looked up at me, straight into my eyes and said "Oh hunny....why are you so hard on your self? Why do you feel so bad?" It struck me. I felt like a wound in my heart had opened, and I was dying. She was right. She proceeded to tell me what I felt. There is a hole. I'm a circle with 98% completed, but that 2% drives me crazy with pain and anxiousness. I've been feeling this way for years. I don't know what will complete it, but it stalks me. The ever present feeling of a missing piece. I'll know it when I find it, I pray that it'll take ahold of me and mold me into the person I'm supposed to be. It'll overwhelm me, infuse itself in my dna, and move my body like a puppet to a higher power. Until then, I continue searching.
On a better note, I went swimming in the ocean about a week ago. It was beautiful. At 7:30 at night, I put on my suit, and left for the beach. The air was soft, rippled with cool streams that would hit your face just long enough to keep you from sweating. The sky was red, and I drove into the sunset. I saw nothing but water plants, birds, and felt nothing but warm air and the beat from my music. The beach was speckled with people when I arrived. Small families took areas, but for the first time, I was not disturbed. With my towel and shoes in a heap, I slid into the water. It held me. The ocean and I were one entity, and I felt her cradle me. I watched the sunset from the water, and let it into every crevice of my body and soul. The people meant nothing, I meant nothing. I was part of the water, and as I floated, staring at the darkening sky, I never felt so beautiful. I felt beautiful walking down the emptying beach, my moon and star covered wraparound blowing. I felt beautiful as I sat on a rocky jetty, staring into the black water. At that moment, I knew the dim glow from the fading sunset made me look perfect. I knew the ocean breeze, blowing my wrap made me look like a gypsy goddess. At that moment, I was complete. As I drove away from the beach, the sky lit up with shots of lighting. My music comforted me, and gently drew me out of the lovely trance. Life was art.
I wish, I could capture these moments, and show them. I wish I could present these small moments of life, to the people I love most. I wish I could come back to them, and live in them. They are my fantasy world, they are my world of dragons and wizards. They are my yellow brick road. These small, views into everyday life.